


the good, the bad and the dirty

by sterekfluffer (teampancakes)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Anxiety, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, CEO Magnus Bane, Explicit Consent, Frottage, Grad Student Alec Lightwood, Hand Jobs, Homophobia, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Masturbation, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, Panic Attacks, Safe Sane and Consensual, Sugar Daddy, Talking, Texting, rating will go up to explicit eventually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-05-31 03:42:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 65,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19417771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teampancakes/pseuds/sterekfluffer
Summary: alec lightwood is a struggling grad student, unsure of what he wants in life.magnus bane is lonely, but has been burned by love too many times.when they meet and magnus offers to be alec's sugar daddy, alec is sorely tempted.will he say yes? will these two be able to stick to the rules they've set out for themselves?*COMPLETED 31/08/19*





	1. then the time for being sad is over

**Author's Note:**

> the sugar daddy fic no one asked for. updates will be as regular as possible. title of fic (and subsequent chapters) from p!atd lyrics because why not. i'm on tumblr (@myheartlieswithandreil) if you wanna come say hi.

Magnus Bane is bored of things. He is one of the richest men in the northern hemisphere, has been featured in all the important lists of influential people/businessmen multiple times, and has enough awards and accolades to fill a large sized pool. There is no shortage of people clamouring for his time, no dearth of investors looking for a piece of his empire. His huge penthouse apartment is full of priceless objects and numerous servants and staff and his parties are famous for their exclusively celebrity guest lists. But Magnus is barely thirty-two and already he feels ancient and jaded, aching for connections that are meaningful.

After Ragnor had passed suddenly, his only friend in the world is Catarina, and her nursing schedule, unfortunately, does not allow for the kind of companionship Magnus craves. He’s lucky if she can find time enough to have lunch with him once a month. Raphael, his CFO and the only other thing closest to a friend he has, has been urging him to take a vacation to take his mind off of things and come back with a fresh outlook. Magnus can’t even muster up the enthusiasm for that.

“Try dating again?” Cat had suggested the last time they’d met for a quick coffee before her shift started.

Magnus had laughed it off. It isn’t as though he doesn’t have options; he’s asked out and flirted with almost constantly. But Camille had left him with a broken heart that Magnus has never really been able to piece back completely. In the few years that followed the breakup, he had indulged in multiple one-night stands and even the occasional date or two but had broken things off when it started feeling too serious. He doesn’t think he can trust anyone with his heart again, doesn’t know if he wants to give up control to anyone else. In any case, given his position and name now, he can’t even be sure anymore that a potential lover isn’t just with him for his fame and money.

Perhaps he should just give up on love all together, Magnus thinks wryly, sipping on his third martini of the day, looking out over the impressive New York skyline absently. Surely it isn’t worth the kind of pain Camille had brought.

“Magnus, your interviewees are ready,” his assistant, Dot, pops her head in to say. She hasn’t been with him for too long, but she’s already clearly better at her job than her predecessor, judging by the extremely organized spreadsheet she hands over to him so he could fill out the relevant details for each interviewee as he conducted the interviews.

“Thank you, Dot,” Magnus says gratefully, setting down his half-finished martini on the little table next to his bookshelf and going over to his desk. “You can start sending them in now.”

The internships at Bane Inc. pay handsomely and there re always too many applicants every year. It has always been the tradition for Magnus to interview each of the finalists himself, after HR have finished up with their protocols. This last interview helps Magnus place each intern in the department and branch he deems most suitable for them and it’s something he doesn’t trust anyone else to do. He has always been a good judge of character, barring Camille, and he prides himself on never having any trouble with the interns complaining about where they’d been assigned.

The morning passes quicker than usual as he meets with the young people and assigns them their respective roles and positions. At 12.30, just as Magnus is starting to get a little tired, the last intern shuffles in. Magnus looks up from his file and stares.

The boy is older than the others that he’s interviewed, possibly only a couple years younger than Magnus himself. He is tall and lanky with jet black hair and startlingly hazel eyes with flecks of gold. He gives off a confident air but the way he walks betrays to Magnus that it is a practiced look and that the confidence doesn’t come naturally. Magnus smiles to himself and motions for the intern to take a seat.

“So, Alexander,” Magnus leans back in his chair and steeples his fingers together, “What brings you to Bane Inc.?” He always starts off with the dreaded, generic question to keep the interns on their toes.

This one doesn’t miss a beat as he replies. “It’s one of the best companies in America. I can’t imagine interning anywhere else if I’m interested in pursuing corporate finance as a career. Your CFO, Raphael, is a god in our field. Also, everyone calls me Alec, so you can also call me that if you wish,” he finishes a little awkwardly.

“Ah, Raphael,” Magnus chuckles at the thought of somebody calling the grumpy man a god. “Good answer by the way. Your file says you just started a Masters in Quantitative Finance at NYU Stern. Is this really your passion, Alec?” He twirls one of the rings on his fingers as he waits for Alec to reply.

With Magnus’s intense gaze trained on him, Alec can’t lie. “Um, well not really. It’s more of a family thing,” he finds himself admitting.

“I see,” Magnus says gently. Family pressures to go into certain fields is the worst kind of career pressure a young person can face. “What is your passion then?”

“Cooking?” Alec says it like it’s a question, even though it isn’t. Magnus notes the black ink poking out from under his collar and suddenly finds himself wondering what the tattoo is of.

He clears his throat and tilts his head at Alec. “We own several restaurants. I could place you with any of them in any position you'd like to pursue,” he offers, plucking one of the many brochures from his desk and handing it over.

Alec visibly hesitates as his eyes scan the pamphlet, but then he shakes his head stubbornly, handing it back without opening it for details. “Thank you for the opportunity but I do want to pursue finance. It also pays better.”

Magnus finally understands. “Oh, is this about money?”

Alec struggles for a minute, looking upset with himself for blurting out that particular detail before nodding, almost ashamedly. Magnus gets up from his chair and crosses over to the other side of the desk, leaning against it right next to Alec’s chair.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of, Alexander. I came from nothing and built my empire from scratch. Not having money is not a shameful thing,” Magnus knows that platitudes like this from somebody who is more or less a stranger won’t really help, but he can’t help but feel like he should say something at least.

Alec nods, not saying anything. A slightest hint of a plan starts to form in Magnus’s mind as his eyes trace the curve of Alec’s strong jaw and the stiff determination in his arms. He leans into Alec’s space a little, resting a palm gently on his shoulder before crossing back to his side of the desk and taking a seat.

“I think I may have a proposition for you,” Magnus says. The plan is still half-formed in his mind and he’s never even done anything like it before but if it works, it works, and Alec Lightwood has a certain charm about him that has caught Magnus’s eye. “You don’t have to accept it right away. You can take all the time you need,” Magnus continues.

“What’s the proposition?” Alec asks, looking at Magnus curiously, if apprehensively.

“First, I would like to make it explicitly clear that I am a very blunt man and I say what I mean,” Magnus spreads his hands out over the desk and leans in a little. “I would like you to answer the following two questions, if you’re comfortable with it,” he pauses slightly before continuing. “Are you single and are you attracted to me, Alexander?”

Alec gets flustered in the span of seconds. A slow blush creeps up his neck and his fingers fidget nervously in his lap. Magnus waits patiently for an answer.

“Um, yes,” Alec finally mumbles, not meeting Magnus’s eyes.

“To which question?” Magnus asks for clarification.

“Both.”

Magnus smiles and leans back in his chair again. “Good. That makes my proposition easier. I am also attracted to you.”

Alec looks confused at the turn the conversation has taken, rightly so. “But you’re my boss.” Magnus waves away this observation.

“Listen to me carefully before you make a decision,” Magnus starts, “I have a lot of money and nobody to spend it on. I would like to spend it on you in return for small favours,” he pauses here to take stock of Alec’s increasingly flustered expression. When Alec opens his mouth, no doubt to ask a question, Magnus raises a hand to shush him, reminding him to hear him out first. “It will be purely consensual, and we will talk about everything before we do it. If there's anything you are not comfortable with, we will not do it. If at any point you don’t wish to continue with this arrangement, you can leave with no questions asked.”

Having laid out the broad strokes, Magnus motions for Alec to ask him the question he had wanted to ask a while ago.

“What are you saying? What sort of favours?” Alec looks like he wanted to clarify further but his flaming cheeks seem to be stopping him.

Magnus nods kindly. “I know what you want to ask and yes, there would be sexual favours involved but I’d like to stress, again, that we would talk about them beforehand. I will also not ask you for anything sexual before we’ve gotten to know each other better and have worked up to it. Other than that, I would perhaps ask you to be my plus one for events and shows or accompany me on vacations. You would, of course, be reimbursed handsomely, both in material possessions and in wealth.” Magnus scribbles a number on a slip of paper and slides it across to Alec. “Here's what I feel would be a good monthly allowance.”

Alec’s mouth falls open at that and he lets out a soft “Oh my god.”

“This does not include rent, clothes and food, of course,” Magnus is quick to clarify.

“Wow,” Alec mumbles, still staring at the slip of paper in his hands.

Magnus gives him a minute before continuing. “This would not be a dom/sub relationship. I don’t want to be called daddy or sir or master or anything like that. All I’m suggesting is a mutually beneficial arrangement where you provide me some much-needed company and I spoil you with gifts in return. If you really wanted to put a label on it, I guess a ‘sugar daddy’ would be the closest thing but I do not care much for the term.”

Alec nods, but he still looks wary and confused. Magnus brings his hands together in a slow clap to indicate he is done and asks if Alec has any more questions.

“Would I have to live with you?” Alec asks, fingers fumbling with the slip of paper.

Magnus shakes his head. “Not at first, no. Perhaps as time goes on, if you would like to?”

Alec nods once again. Magnus watches him carefully as he opens his mouth several times, trying to formulate his next question.

“This works only if you’re able to use your words, Alexander,” Magnus reminds him gently.

“Why me?” Alec finally blurts out. “Is it because I don’t have as much money? Do you just feel sorry for me? Or do you do this with all of your interns?”

Magnus has been expecting this question. “Though there is undeniably a monetary element in such a relationship, I am mostly focused on companionship. This is not because you are not rich, or because I pity you,” he pauses. “This is new for me as well, Alexander. I have been in bad relationships recently, so this seems like a good avenue to explore at this point in time. Additionally, I proposed this to you because you’re different. Like I admitted earlier, the attraction is mutual and irrefutable, but you’ve unlocked something in me. I would like to get to know you better, if you’ll allow me to do so.”

Alec seems floored by this explanation, but it’s obvious he needs time to process everything Magnus has said. “Take some time to think about it. If for any reason you do not wish to enter into this sort of a relationship with me, your internship is still secure, whether in business finance or in a restaurant,” Magnus assures him, signing off on the appointment letter with Alec’s name on it and handing it over. “It’s your choice.”

Alec takes the appointment letter that Magnus offers as promise and nods again. His expression is unreadable, but Magnus can’t help but be hopeful.

“Here’s my card,” He holds out one of the glossy ones that have his direct line on the back. “It has my personal phone number on it, not my office extension. Let me know what you decide.”

Alec accepts the card and tucks it into his back pocket as he stands up. Magnus stands too and they shake hands. Alec’s grip is firm and his palm warm. He leaves without saying anything else and Magnus tries his best not to overthink what he’s just done.


	2. don't think i've ever used a day of my education

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was he considering it? Shit, he was, wasn’t he? Alec scrubs a hand over his face and hails a cab. Even though he doesn’t want to, he knows he has to talk it over with Izzy and Jace at least before he responds to Magnus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an update under 24 hours! imagine! (don't get used to it lol)

Alec doesn’t head straight home because he knows Izzy and Jace are waiting for him so they can all dissect the interview and then bully him into going out with them so they can get drunk one last time before he starts his job and has to be responsible and shit.

Except, now he’s been offered a different kind of job – would they even call it a job? Alec shakes his head as if the physical action will help clear his thoughts. Taking the elevator down, he loiters in the lobby for a minute or two, brushing off the receptionist when she asks if she can call him a cab. The lobby is as grand as Magnus’s office – the whole building looks like it belongs in some ultramodern, unattainable future, yet it’s all real – the marble under his worn-out shoes, the artsy, vaguely erotic paintings edged with gold hanging on the walls, the plants so lush and green, Alec wonders for a minute if they’re fake.

He turns on his heel and leaves through the double doors. Perhaps a walk around the block will help settle his thoughts before he goes back to his crappy, one-bedroom apartment – the complete polar opposite of this building. In his pocket, he can feel the business card Magnus had handed him as he left. He rubs his thumb along the sharp edge, replaying the last thirty minutes over and over in his head.

There’s no doubt Magnus is attractive. His smooth, tan skin, the soft glitter around his eyes and the spiky hair had caught Alec’s attention almost as soon as he’d walked in. He’d seen pictures of Magnus on the internet, but they definitely did not do him justice. There was also a surprising lack of them, considering Magnus’s fame and importance.

Not only is Magnus physically attractive, however, he is also incredibly confident and self-assured. To Alec, who has struggled with his sexuality a lot and has experienced more than his fair share of closeted boyfriends who only wanted to meet him secretly, treating him like a dirty, ugly thing they had to hide, this is new. He’s never met a man that certain of what he wants and how he wants it. It’s extremely sexy.

Alec’s mind wanders to the way Magnus had immediately sussed out that corporate finance was not something he wanted to pursue and had offered him the restaurant-based internship without any judgement. If his mother ever found out he had even thought about accepting such an offer for even a second, she would undoubtedly be extremely disappointed. _The Lightwood name can never be sullied by base, mundane jobs_ , her voice echoes in his head. _We are destined for greatness, not to serve others hand and foot._ Her divorce might have left her virtually penniless and dependant on her children, but her dignity and beliefs were still intact. Alec almost laughs at how she’d react if she found out he was considering Magnus’s other offer.

Was he considering it? Shit, he was, wasn’t he? Alec scrubs a hand over his face and hails a cab. Even though he doesn’t want to, he knows he has to talk it over with Izzy and Jace at least before he responds to Magnus. His siblings are his best friends and try as he might, he can never hide anything from them. Even if they’re annoying brats about it for the first five minutes, they usually give genuinely good advice and are always there for him, no matter what time of day it is.

Back at his apartment, Izzy is curled up on the couch with a tub of ice cream, watching reruns of America’s Next Top Model. Jace is sitting next to her with a sour expression, feet stretched out on Alec’s coffee table, clearly in the middle of talking shit about the show, annoyed that she isn’t letting him watch WWE or any of the other violent sports he likes. They both look up guiltily when Alec enters.

“Hey, feet off the table,” Alec frowns, unwinding his scarf from around his neck and shrugging off his jacket. “And I was saving that for after dinner,” he adds, glaring at the ice cream in Izzy’s hands.

Jace removes his feet with a laboured sigh and Izzy stops eating the ice cream with a sheepish look. Alec pops it back in the fridge before coming to sit with them. Izzy puts the show on mute and they both look at him expectantly.

“What?” Alec asks, feeling apprehensive about getting into the whole thing.

“Details, big bro,” Izzy rolls her eyes.

“Is the place as fancy as it looked on the website? I might apply next year when I need to do my internship too,” Jace chimes in.

“Yes, it’s quite fancy,” Alec replies, still avoiding the main issue. Izzy narrows her eyes at him. While Jace is quite obtuse about almost everything, Izzy has always been able to tell when something’s up. She says as much now, prodding him in the side almost painfully.

“Okay, so you know the interview was with Magnus Bane, right?” Alec starts with a long sigh.

“Yeah,” Izzy eggs him on. Jace is looking at him curiously too, now.

“Well, we were having a chat and midway through it, he sort of offered me another job,” Alec confesses.

“What job?” Jace asks. Alec takes a deep breath.

“He offered to pay me in return for small favours,” Alec says very quickly, not meeting his siblings’ eyes, “Like, being his date to events and things and going on vacations with him and stuff like that.” He trails off, leaving out the sexual favours for now, though he knows Izzy will soon ask him about it.

His siblings’ reactions are exactly how he pictured they would be. “What?!” Izzy shrieks, getting up and punching him in the shoulder. Jace just snickers.

“Like a sugar daddy?” Izzy asks, leaning in and getting into her interrogative mode. “Oh my god, Alec, would you have to have sex with him?”

Alec ignores her second question. “He said he didn’t much like that term,” he clarifies, taking out the slip of paper from his pocket and handing it over to Izzy. Her eyes widen when she sees the sum written on it and even Jace makes a small, constricted noise as he looks at it over her shoulder.

“Fuuuuuuuuuck,” Izzy exclaims, stretching the expletive out to a full five seconds.

“That would be for a month, excluding rent, food and clothes and stuff,” Alec can’t help but smile at their reactions. At least they’ve forgotten about the sex stuff for now.

“Oh my fucking god,” Jace swears as Izzy’s eyes widen ever more. Her expression is incredulous but she’s also laughing.

“Dude, take the deal,” Jace finger guns at him in the way he does when he doesn’t really have words to express himself properly.

“Now wait just a minute,” Izzy holds up her hands. “Let’s not get carried away because he’s giving you a ridiculous and exorbitantly large amount of money.”

Alec leans back in his chair, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. “This is a real thing people do, right?” he asks Izzy, finally voicing the biggest hesitation he has about the whole thing. “It’s not some sleazy way to get in my pants or anything?” Even as he says it, he can’t help but feel he’s wrong. Sleazy and Magnus don’t go together at all.

“This is a legit thing,” Izzy assures him. “There’s actual websites that match you up to sugar daddies.” Alec breathes a sigh of relief. “But you never answered my question earlier,” she gently prompts him.

“What question?” Alec asks, even though he knows exactly what she’s talking about.

“Does he want sex from this?” Izzy repeats patiently.

“Well, not at first,” Alec hedges. “He said we would work up to it and he’d never ask me for anything sexual until we knew each other properly.” A blush works its way up his cheeks.

“Sounds like a gentleman,” Jace comments.

“He does, actually,” Izzy narrows her eyes at the slip of paper again.

“My internship at the company is still on the table even if I refuse this arrangement,” Alec says.

“It seems to me like he doesn’t have any nefarious purposes,” Izzy raises an eyebrow. Jace shrugs too.

Alec nods but doesn’t say anything. He’s glad Izzy and Jace didn’t laugh it off or deem the whole thing ridiculous, like he was afraid they might. He’s still not absolutely sure what he wants though. Izzy senses his confusion and sidles up to him, wrapping her arms around him in a bear-hug.

“Do you want this, Alec? Because nothing else matters you know. Money is not everything and I don’t want you to feel pressured to say yes if you feel uncomfortable.”

“I don’t feel uncomfortable about it,” Alec answers honestly, “But that’s the problem. I feel like I _should_ feel uncomfortable about it.”

“That’s stupid,” Jace says helpfully. Izzy shoots him a glare.

“Sleep on it,” Izzy suggests. “And talk to Magnus some more if possible. Don’t rush into this and ask as many questions as you can before you decide anything.”

“Makes sense,” Alec agrees. “Now get off me so I can cook you two idiots the dinner I promised,” he laughs, shoving Izzy away playfully. Jace lets out a big whoop and Izzy pretends to fall off the sofa as payback for Alec pretending to shove her off of him.

“No garlic in the potatoes, please,” Izzy calls after him as Alec walks off the kitchen, rolling up his sleeves.

“Yeah, sure,” Alec agrees sweetly as he picks up an extra-large bulb of garlic, making her whine in protest. Jace just laughs as he grabs the remote and turns the channel to a sports one.

*

Later that night, Alec tosses and turns in his bed, feeling wide awake. While the rest of the arrangement poses no problem, it’s the being paid for sex thing that he’s stuck on. It’s no surprise really, given the general perception people have about sex work, escorts and prostitutes. But Magnus had never referred to it as anything like that, Alec’s brain reminds him. Instead, he’d shown an interest in getting to know him properly and had stressed how he would not ask for sex immediately.

Alec also can’t help but admit that it’s rather sexy, the way Magnus was so straightforward about sex. It’s definitely different from Alec’s experiences where none of his boyfriends had ever asked for explicit consent, and sex had been something that just happened in the heat of the moment. None of those times had felt uncomfortable to Alec, but the idea of being asked beforehand, of discussing things, feels very appealing. It even turns him on a little bit, he realizes as he rolls over again and his half-hard dick aches from the friction.

“Ugh,” he whispers, reaching inside his sweatpants. He has an early class the next morning and it’s nearly 1 a.m., so this is rather inconvenient. As he wraps a hand around himself, his thoughts flit towards Magnus’s lithe and surprisingly muscled body. He had mostly only seen Magnus sitting down, but in the few instances he’d moved, he had had the gracefulness of a cat. Alec’s eyes flutter close as his mind helpfully presents more images of Magnus and his gorgeous, tan skin, the way his eyes almost shone with the glittery makeup, the slight jut of his Adam’s apple and the rise of his collarbones just above his open collar. Traitorously, Alec’s brain imagines how Magnus’s lips would feel on his own, or how good it’d feel to sit in Magnus’s lap and grind down, holding on to him by just his necklaces. He comes with a muffled shout, feeling the orgasm streak through his entire body, turning his bones into jelly. Alec has never come from just imagining things before, he’s always needed porn or a concrete experience or memory to refer back to, but apparently, Magnus is enough to spark a full body orgasm without even doing anything.

“Fuck,” Alec mutters, feeling the stickiness seep into his pants. He gets up unwillingly for a quick shower and checks to see if he needs to change the sheets. Thankfully, he doesn’t. Feeling exhausted and satiated, he climbs back into bed, his limbs heavy and his skin still a little damp.

Forgetting about how late it is, he reaches for his phone and the card that he kept on his dresser and types out a quick text.

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 1.12 a.m.]** Ok, I’m in.

He presses send before realizing he never said who it was.

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 1.12 a.m.]** This is Alec, by the way.

His phone pings barely a few minutes later, while he’s setting up his alarms. He’s a little startled because he wasn’t expecting such an immediate reply; especially given what time it is.

 **[From: Magnus Bane, 1.14 a.m.]** Alexander, it’s good to hear from you and I’m so glad you’ve agreed. Shall we meet to discuss this in further detail? What time would suit you? I can send my car if you send me an address.

Alec reads the text twice before typing out a reply. He was really doing it, wasn’t he?

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 1.17 a.m.]** My class ends at 11 a.m. so I am free after that.

He presses send and attaches his location. Magnus’s reply is instantaneous, once again.

 **[From; Magnus Bane, 1.18 a.m.]** Perfect. See you then.

Alec locks his phone and falls asleep smiling.


	3. there's only two ways these things can go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I have another question,” Alec blurts out a little sheepishly after a minute or two. “I don’t think you’ll like this one though.”
> 
> “You won’t know until you ask, and even if I don’t wish to answer it, I will always give you a reason for doing so, if possible.” 
> 
> “How is this different from dating me?” Alec asks finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> magnus and alec talk about their arrangement !! 
> 
> (ya girl is on FIRE) (ps. tysm to all the people who are commenting. y'all the real MVPs)

Magnus gets stuck in a little bit of traffic so when he reaches the café they’d agreed to meet at, Alec is already there, sitting in one of Magnus’s regular booths, looking particularly ravishing in a purple button-down with the top two buttons left undone. Magnus can just see the barest hint of chest hair.

As Magnus approaches, Alec notices him and stands up, smiling. They shake hands, which is a little too formal for Magnus’s liking, but he goes along with it. His eyes briefly trace the curve of Alec’s ass in his tight, black jeans but he snaps his gaze back up before Alec can feel uncomfortable about it.

“It’s so good to see you,” Magnus says quite honestly as Alec runs fingers through his hair, making it stick up in all directions. It’s a nervous tic, Magnus thinks.

“It’s good to see you too, um,” Alec pauses, probably unsure what to call him.

“Just Magnus is fine. Please, sit.” They slide into the booth, opposite each other, knees brushing. Magnus calls for the waitress and turns to Alec questioningly. “How do you like your coffee?”

“Black, two sugars. Thanks, Magnus.” His smile is disarmingly sweet, a complete one-eighty from his usual, stoic and serious expression. Magnus feels a strange fondness curl inside him at the softness of it.

“I have taken the liberty of drawing up some paperwork,” Magnus clears his throat and pushes the folder across the table. “Verbal agreement is usually sufficient for arrangements like these, but I wanted us to have it all plainly in writing.”

Alec takes the folder and opens it with a curious expression. Magnus continues, “I’m extremely open to suggestions or any additions you might want to include. And if there’s any questions you have, I’m here for those too.”

Alec’s eyes widen slightly at the length of the contract. “Wow, this is quite a lot.”

Magnus starts to feel a little nervous. Perhaps now that Alec is seeing it all put down in writing, he will think it’s too much? Perhaps Magnus has gone overboard with the details and it’s overwhelming Alec. “It’s just to ensure both of our comfort,” he says quickly, wanting to clarify; to assure. “I do not want to overstep any boundaries, nor do I want you to deal with overstepping any of mine. Communication is key in this arrangement, Alexander.”

Alec reaches the last page of the contract, closes the folder and looks up with a smile. “Sounds good,” he says. Magnus lets out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.

“You don’t have to look over it immediately,” Magnus tells him as the waitress brings over their orders. “Please, take your time.” He turns to the waitress and nods with a smile. “Thank you, Greta.”

Alec waits until Greta has left before continuing the conversation. “Did you write all of this yourself? Does anybody else know about this?”

Magnus takes a sip of his peach tea before he answers. “I did do some research on what the terms of such agreements usually are but yes, most of this has been drafted by me. I tried to be as clear as possible.” Alec nods as he starts on his coffee too and Magnus fiddles with one of his many rings before he replies to the second question. “No, I have not told anyone besides my friend, Catarina. Have you?”

Alec shrugs. “Just my brother and sister.”

Magnus is a little surprised. This does not seem like the kind of arrangement one would share with family members unless they were very close to them. “I see. Do you have a close relationship with them?” he asks, curiously.

“The closest,” Alec hesitates a little and Magnus waits patiently. “How did your friend, Catarina, react? If you don’t mind me asking?”

Magnus smiles at the question and the shy way in which it was asked. It’s clear that he’s going to have to encourage Alec to ask questions without feeling awkward about it – it’s the only way their relationship would work smoothly. He reaches out to briefly pat Alec’s hand. “I don’t mind,” he says, “She reacted the way I expected her to. She’s not a fan of this arrangement but that is predictable, given my dating history and how much certain exes have affected me. I do not grudge her for her bias.”

Alec’s brow furrows at this information. “Should I be worried? About your dating history, I mean.”

Magnus shakes his head with a little laugh. “Not at all. I mean this in the kindest way, but we are not dating, Alexander. This is completely different, which is why my exes and whatever trauma they gave me are unimportant here.”

Alec takes another sip of his coffee, leans back a little and nods. “I understand.”

“What about your siblings? How did they react, if I may ask?”

“They were supportive,” Alec laughs a little. “Said I should ask you lots of questions before I agree to anything.”

Magnus is pleased. “That’s quite smart of them. Questions are very important. Mind if I ask you one? You do not have to reply if you don’t want to but I’d very much like it if you did.”

Alec looks a little surprised for some reason, but he nods and says, “Go ahead.”

Magnus takes a deep breath. “What are your own feelings about this arrangement?”

Alec sets his coffee cup down, spins it around so that the handle is facing him at a 90-degree angle. Magnus watches quietly, waiting while Alec seemingly gathers his thoughts.

“I’m apprehensive,” Alec starts, “but only a bit.” He pauses, smiling to himself, eyes not meting Magnus’s. “Excited, I think. Somewhat nervous, but that’s to be expected.”

“No discomfort?” Magnus asks, voicing his deepest concern.

“Not really,” Alec frowns, inexplicably at odds with what he’s just said. “Which is actually a little jarring.”

“How so?” Magnus probes, willing Alec to look up again and meet his gaze.

“It feels like I _should_ be uncomfortable, but I’m not,” Alec shrugs as if he doesn’t understand it, but at least he’s looking at Magnus again, his gold-and-hazel eyes clouded with the barest hint of confusion.

Magnus thinks he knows what he might be getting at, but he deliberately doesn’t ask outright, not wanting to put words in Alec’s mouth. “Why do you think you _should_ feel uncomfortable?”

Their hands on the table-top are almost touching but Magnus pushes away the urge to take Alec’s in his own. At this point, his top priority is to help Alec work through whatever doubt he has, not to assume touch will be comforting.

Alec looks away again, his voice a little low when he replies. “It’s a little weird, being paid for… things.”

“By things, can I assume you mean sex?” Magnus asks, voice equally low so that no one overhears them. Alec nods, looking down at his coffee cup, a faint blush working its way up his neck and cheeks.

Magnus leans in, ducking his head a little to catch Alec’s eye and hold his gaze. “Alexander, let me assure you, this is not just about sex for me. It’s about having someone to care for and to spoil. I would never make you do anything you didn’t want to do or felt uncomfortable doing.”

“I know,” Alec nods. “You seem like the perfect gentleman.”

Magnus can’t help but smile at the phrasing. “Why, thank you.” He notices Alec still looks slightly unsure though. “Are you still concerned about the money aspect?” He asks kindly.

“A little,” Alec admits, almost unwillingly.

“Instead of writing cheques for you as I had originally planned, I can always give you a credit card to use on whatever you feel like. It might help because you’d be able to choose when to use it and what to use it on, on a regular basis, instead of having to cash in a lump sum monthly,” Magnus suggests. “Would that help, Alexander?”

Alec’s face breaks out into one of his rare, shy smiles that tug at Magnus’s heart. He nods, ducking his head a little and Magnus can’t help feeling triumphant at having made Alec smile like that.

They sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes, sipping at their drinks and smiling whenever they meet each other’s eyes. Finally, Alec clears his throat and says, “May I ask you another question?”

“Always,” Magnus’s reply is immediate.

“What are _your_ feelings about this arrangement?” Alec repeats Magnus’s own question back to him.

“I am excited about it,” Magnus says truthfully. He moves his hand so it’s palm up and slides it the tiniest of centimetres towards Alec’s, feeling unbearably pleased when Alec intertwines their fingers together. “I want to make you happy and see that lovely smile of yours light up that grumpy face,” Magnus continues, teasingly. Alec supresses the smile and pretends to scowl instead.

Magnus laughs at his stubbornness and absently rubs his thumb over the back of Alec’s hand. His voice is a little rough and deep as he says the next bit. “I think you're very beautiful and I want to get to know you in every way possible.”

He flicks his eyes over the broad span of Alec’s shoulders appreciatively, tracing Alec’s collarbones and dipping lower towards the tight stretch of fabric across his chest. “In time, of course,” he adds, as Alec visibly swallows.

Magnus finishes his tea, hand still in Alec’s. Neither of them makes a move to pull away.

“I have another question,” Alec blurts out a little sheepishly after a minute or two. “I don’t think you’ll like this one though.”

“You won’t know until you ask, and even if I don’t wish to answer it, I will always give you a reason for doing so, if possible.”

“How is this different from dating me?” Alec asks finally.

The question makes Magnus’s smile slip a little, and when Alec notices, he immediately removes his hand from Magnus’s, looking worried and embarrassed. Magnus does not reach for it again but he does tap his fingers against the table-top with a heavy sigh, trying to indicate that he’s not annoyed at Alec.

“My last breakup was rather brutal and I don’t want to become vulnerable like that to anyone again. I don’t want to cede control,” he starts, feeling a little worn out and tired. “Think about it like this: when you date somebody, the future is full of possibilities. You might fall in love, you might see a forever with them, you might want to get married, have kids, grow old together. There’s no cap, no limit to what might happen or not happen. I don’t like that.”

Magnus pauses, trying to gauge what Alec thinks. Seeing no disgust or apprehension in his expression, he continues. “With this arrangement, we have a cap already. There’s no threat of the dynamic shifting. I can ensure that everything is consensual and explicit. I can walk away from it just like you can, no questions asked. By compensating you, I also don’t have to worry about whether I am contributing too much or not enough to the relationship. Money might be ugly, Alexander, but its quantitative nature is rather soothing,” he adds wryly. 

Alec’s expression has changed into something softer and gentler than anything Magnus has ever seen. “I’ve had my fair share of fucked up relationships, but you must have been with some truly awful people if your perception of dating is this cynical.”

“Truly awful, yes,” Magnus chuckles humourlessly. “But my perspective stands, Alexander. I do not wish to date anyone.” His tone is now urgent and intense. “It is crucial that you understand this about me.”

“I understand,” Alec assures him. “And I respect your decision.”

Magnus feels a jolt of relief at Alec’s words. It’s so important that they’re both on the same page about it.

“I hope my answer was satisfactory,” Magnus is a little hesitant as he continues, “But I would really appreciate it if we didn’t talk about this anymore.”

“Not a problem,” Alec smiles. Magnus nods.

“Do you have any more questions?” he asks, tracing the lip of his glass just to have something to do with his hands.

“Not right now,” Alec replies. He shifts in his seat a little and his knees brush up against Magnus’s. Magnus swallows.

“You will look over the paperwork and let me know if there’s anything you want changed or added?” he asks, skimming his hand over the folder lying on the table.

“Of course, Magnus.”

“Your comfort is of the utmost importance to me,” Magnus tells him. “Please don’t hesitate to let me know if there’s any issues.”

“I won’t,” Alec says, looking a little taken-aback at Magnus’s concern.

“Unfortunately, I must leave you now. I have a very important client coming to meet me in an hour,” Magnus says regretfully, calling for the bill.

“Thank you for the coffee,” Alec says, reaching for his hand again and squeezing. Magnus is surprised at the gesture but squeezes back.

“My pleasure, Alexander. I hope to see you again very soon,” he says as they stand up. For a minute, they hover awkwardly before Alec goes in for that formal handshake again. Magnus tries his best not to be disappointed. “Should I call you a cab?”

“No, I can walk. My place is not very far from here,” Alec’s eyes crinkle a little as he smiles. They walk outside together, parting ways as Magnus goes towards his waiting car. Alec waves in goodbye, and if Magnus gets in but doesn’t ask the car to leave until he’s seen the last of Alec disappear into the busy street, well then, that’s nobody’s concern.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next up: alec reads over the contract and spits out his salad at some of the more kinky portions ;)


	4. don't threaten me with a good time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec takes out his phone and types out a message with slightly trembling fingers.
> 
> [To: Magnus Bane, 11.01 a.m.] In the contract, when you say kinks, what do you mean exactly? Like, bondage and stuff?
> 
> As he waits for a reply, he makes a bit more headway on the salad, reading through some of the more innocent bits of the document. Approximately ten minutes later, his phone pings and he dives for it with an almost embarrassing and unhealthy eagerness. Magnus’s reply makes him choke and he coughs violently, face red, almost dropping his phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alec and magnus talk about the sexy times aspect of the arrangement ;)

Alec doesn’t look at the contract until the next morning, after he’s done with his Statistics and Data Analysis class. Magnus did say to take his time and Alec feels a little weird about how eager he feels, so he paces himself and waits until he’s sitting on his usual, desolate little bench behind the campus bookstore, where no one bothers him, and which has become his favourite place to sit and have lunch.

Unboxing the quick salad he’d made himself that morning from the leftovers of a rotisserie chicken, some cherry tomatoes and rocket leaves, he flips through the contract leisurely. Random phrases jump out at him. _I will not ask you to change your physical appearance in any way, nor will you require it of me_. Alec feels a little weird about how Magnus had felt the need to state such a thing. Surely, it would’ve gone without saying? He thinks back to their meeting and how Magnus had stressed the importance of having everything stated explicitly and clearly, and the clause starts to make a little sense. Magnus just wants to cover all of his bases, even if he’s doing it in a lot of detail.

Alec takes a bite of his salad and flips to the section concerning sexual favours. If he’s honest, this is the section he’d been most apprehensive about. Even if he’s excited at the thought of kissing Magnus, touching him and eventually having sex with him (Alec doesn’t think anybody can blame him for it, Magnus is incredibly hot and his confidence makes him even sexier), he knew it would be rather strange to see the terms of such a relationship written down in black and white.

He skims through it, growing redder and redder as he does so, very glad that nobody is around to witness it. _Regarding such favours, I will not ask you for anything for the first few weeks, which we will spend getting to know each other better. All kinks will be negotiated and discussed beforehand in a safe and consensual manner. Neither of us will force the other to explore something they are not comfortable with. Personally, I do not like condoms so I would appreciate it if we were both tested before we start to engage in sexual activities, to see if we can forgo them all together._

Alec spits out some of his salad. He’s never had penetrative sex without a condom, but now it’s all he can think about. He takes a sip of water to cool himself down and breathes shakily. If just discussing and reading about these things is turning him on so much, Alec can’t even imagine what actual sex with Magnus would feel like. He’s suddenly painfully aware of how long it’s been since he’s gotten laid.

Putting the contract down next to him, Alec takes out his phone and types out a message with slightly trembling fingers.

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 11.01 a.m.]** In the contract, when you say kinks, what do you mean exactly? Like, bondage and stuff?

As he waits for a reply, he makes a bit more headway on the salad, reading through some of the more innocent bits of the document. Approximately ten minutes later, his phone pings and he dives for it with an almost embarrassing and unhealthy eagerness. Magnus’s reply makes him choke and he coughs violently, face red, almost dropping his phone.

 **[From: Magnus Bane, 11.12 a.m.]** If that is something you would like to try, then yes. I do love a bit of light bondage so I am open to it. But more generally, by kinks I mean any sort of sexual fantasy or preference you have. For example, I sometimes like to use vibrators and butt plugs on my partners. Some people enjoy roleplay, some people want to be called certain things in bed. There's also always lingerie. If I’m being honest, I rather enjoy a man in a pair of lace panties, but if that is not your thing, I will never push you.

The clinical but slightly amused and indulgent tone of the text is quite endearing, even if the words themselves have Alec’s pants feeling somewhat constricted. _Holy mother of God, Magnus Bane will probably be the death of me_ , Alec thinks.

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 11.15 a.m.]** Ok, wow, I nearly choked on my salad.

 **[From: Magnus Bane, 11.16 a.m.]** I hope you’re okay.

 **[From: Magnus Bane, 11.17 a.m.]** I know its early stages yet, but I’m curious. If you don’t mind me asking, is there anything in particular that you like in bed?

Alec replaces the lid on his half-eaten salad, realizing its perhaps not the best time to be eating, if Magnus is going to continue texting him things like this.

The question embarrasses him a little. He’s never been too creative in bed, nor has he ever been with anyone who has wanted to explore any particular kinks. He thinks back to the few times he’s labelled as ‘really good sex’ in his mind and sees only a single connection – he’d been held down or restricted in some way – either by his partner’s hands or hips or once, with a tie that had slipped loose too soon and not done its job well enough. _Huh_ , Alec thinks, _I guess that’s a kink_. Unbidden, another memory comes to mind – a particularly good fuck with a man he had picked up in a bar once. His name had been Kevin, as far as Alec knows, and just before he’d brought Alec to orgasm, he’d wrapped his fingers around Alec’s throat, pressing down on the V of it slightly, enough to make it just a tiny bit difficult to breathe. Alec had come harder than he’s ever come in his life, and the faint red marks on his throat the next day had turned him on immensely, leading to another particularly good orgasm during his shower.

But to admit that he likes being choked feels too embarrassing, so Alec chooses the milder of the two kinks instead.

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 11.21 a.m.]** I do kind of like being held down.

Magnus’s reply is almost immediate, as if he’s been waiting with his phone open to Alec’s chat.

 **[From: Magnus Bane, 11.21 a.m.]** Lovely. That seems to dovetail perfectly with my interest in bondage.

Alec lets out a small noise, almost like a whine. He feels bolder now and types the next text without thinking twice about it.

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 11.22 a.m.]** Is there anything in particular _you_ like?

Alec doesn’t think anything can prepare him for Magnus’s reply and he’s right.

 **[From: Magnus Bane, 11.25 a.m.]** Well, as a dear friend once said, I’m a ‘kinky little fucker’. The list is rather long, Alexander, and I don’t want to confuse you but if I had to say one thing, I'd say I rather enjoy making my partner come untouched. There’s just something so powerful and incredibly sexy about denying your partner the friction they desire and focusing instead on a much slower, but sweeter release from just stimulating the prostrate or other erogenous zones on the body.

Alec groans. Magnus’s candour is admirable and Alec wonders if he’s typing out all these things completely unaffected or if he’s just as turned on as Alec is right now.

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 11.26 a.m.]** Thank god I stopped eating my salad, or I probably would’ve choked again.

 **[From: Magnus Bane, 11.27 a.m.]** Tut tut, Alexander. You really must time these conversations better.

Alec laughs at the reply, and drinks some water, feeling a little less hot around the collar. He glances at the contract again. There’s one thing still bothering him slightly.

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 11.29 a.m.]** I had another question.

 **[From: Magnus Bane, 11.30 a.m.]** Go ahead.

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 11.30 a.m.]** What happens if there's a kink you really, really want to explore but I don't?

He sends the text, biting at his lip. Considering how Magnus is effectively paying him for all this, he doesn’t feel it would be nice to refuse anything he asks for, even though he knows he shouldn’t feel obliged like this. It’s a stupid thing to even think Magnus would force him – god knows he’s made it clear he won’t – but Alec still needs to ask. Just to be absolutely sure.

 **[From: Magnus Bane, 11.32 a.m.]** We don’t do it.

The reply is simple but relieving in its brevity. Alec breathes out evenly, smiling at his phone as more texts come in.

 **[From: Magnus Bane, 11.34 a.m.]** There's tons of ways to have fun, Alec. We don’t have to get stuck on one thing.

 **[From: Magnus Bane, 11.35 a.m.]** Additionally, we can also work with ‘hard no’ and ‘maybe’. Perhaps there are some things we might explicitly refuse to explore, but some we might want to try before we realize we don’t want to do them.

 **[From: Magnus Bane, 11.36 a.m.]** In the latter case, you can rest assured I will take as much care as I can to guarantee that we try the kink in the safest way possible, stopping as soon as you realize you don’t like what we’re doing, to ensure your emotional and psychological wellbeing.

Just like all the other times Magnus has been so considerate about his comfort and wellbeing, this floors Alec too. It’s not that he’s never had caring partners before, it’s just that nobody has gone to such lengths to ensure he’s okay. Shit, he hasn’t even done anything with Magnus yet and he feels safer with him than he’s felt with anyone.

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 11.39 a.m.]** Sounds fair.

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 11.40 a.m.]** You called me Alec.

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 11.40 a.m.]** I like it when you call me Alexander.

He sends the last text, feeling a little shy admitting it. Not a lot of people call him by his full name, and Alec has instantly grown fond of Magnus doing so.

 **[From: Magnus Bane, 11.42 a.m.]** Noted, with interest. Alexander suits you better anyway ;)

Alec smiles at his phone. The text reminds him of another thing he’d wanted to ask Magnus.

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 11.44 a.m.]** Speaking of names, how do we refer to each other? You said you didn’t care for sugar daddy, and I don’t either but we're obviously not boyfriends.

 **[From: Magnus Bane, 11.45 a.m.]** I was thinking just a simple 'partner' would do? Unless you have something else in mind?

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 11.46 a.m.]** Partner sounds good.

It’s a broad term that he’s used before anyway, so there’s nothing novel and weird about it. It also helps keep the terms of the relationship discrete. Alec flips through the contract again, reading it more closely now.

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 11.55 a.m.]** I’ve almost finished looking over this contract. You were quite thorough.

 **[From: Magnus Bane, 11.59 a.m.]** I should hope so. I didn’t want to leave out anything.

Alec worries his bottom lip between his teeth again, hesitant over what he wants to say next, even though his gut tells him Magnus will not mind at all.

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 12.01 p.m.]** May I suggest an addition?

 **[From: Magnus Bane, 12.02 p.m.]** Always. What did you have in mind?

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 12.05 p.m.]** Well, it'll sound silly but I don’t think I would ever be comfortable with sending or sharing pictures of myself naked or anything like that. I had an ex who asked me for them and I have always regretted agreeing to it. I know you don’t mention it in your contract but I just thought I’d put it out there, just in case.

 **[From: Magnus Bane, 12.07 p.m.]** It’s not silly and it’s not a problem at all, Alexander. I will add a clause immediately. Is this just for nudes or would you not like to share any pictures at all?

Alec looks at the text happily; Magnus didn’t need to assume that but he’s asking anyway, wanting to know exactly where the boundary is.

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 12.08 p.m.]** No, I’m fine with other sorts of pictures. I just don’t want to send dick pics and things like that.

 **[From: Magnus Bane, 12.10 p.m.]** Understood. Don’t worry, I will never ask you for anything like this.

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 12.11 p.m.]** Thank you.

Alec realizes it’s been over an hour that he’s been sitting there, texting with Magnus. He wonders if Magnus has been texting him while working and if so, isn’t that getting in the way of his clients and things? Alec puts his phone back in his pocket, grabs his salad and the contract and gets up, stretching his legs a little. It’s getting late and he really should be heading back to his apartment to finish up on a proposal that’s due soon.

He calls an Uber since the campus is quite far from his place and heads towards the main lawns to wait. While walking, he pulls out his phone to text Magnus again.

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 12.20 p.m.]** I was also wondering how often we would see each other? I’m juggling six classes this semester, plus a part time job at the campus bookstore.

As he sends the text, he realizes his arrangement with Magnus means he doesn’t really need to work at the bookstore any longer.

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 12.21 p.m.]** Though I guess I won’t exactly need that job anymore.

 **[From: Magnus Bane, 12.22 p.m.]** We can work around your schedule. I would love to meet you once every two weeks, if not weekly. We can always figure this out as we go as well.

Alec’s Uber arrives and he gets in, giving the driver the directions and leaning back in his seat to text Magnus back.

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 12.25 p.m.]** Sounds great.

 **[From: Magnus Bane, 12.26 p.m.]** I would be happy to answer any more questions you have. Or if you want any other additions made?

Alec doesn’t think he can come up with more questions even if he has to. The contract is extremely thorough, sometimes painfully so, and he’s already asked Magnus to add the one thing that he thought was missing.

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 12.29 p.m.]** No, I think I’m good. It’s quite comprehensive and I’m happy with it.

 **[From: Magnus Bane, 12.32 p.m.]** Good. I’ve printed out the updated version for you to sign. Would you like to stop by my office this evening? I also have some things I would like to give you.

Alec wonders what sort of things Magnus wants to give him before they’ve even properly finalized the agreement, but he does feel a little frisson of excitement at seeing Magnus again.

 **[To: Magnus Bane, 12.35 p.m.]** Sure. I can drop by at 5.30, if that suits you.

It gives him plenty of time to go home and work for a bit. If he’s smart about it, he can finish on the first draft of his paper for Business Communication early and take the weekend off. Magnus’s text arrives just as he reaches his apartment and he almost gives the driver the wrong change as he grins stupidly at his phone.

 **[From: Magnus Bane, 12.38 p.m.]** Perfect. I look forward to seeing you, Alexander.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next up: the contract is signed and important conversations are had


	5. i'm a scholar and a gentleman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With a flourish, Alec finishes signing his name on each document and looks up with a blinding smile. “Done. We’re officially doing this now,” he sounds just a touch nervous, just like Magnus feels. 
> 
> “Great,” Magnus takes the contracts from him and skims through each, handing one of them back to Alec. “Here’s your copy. Keep it safe.” 
> 
> Alec accepts it and fiddles with the edge. “So, what’s next?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the delay in posting this one! my internship just started and i got a little busy :(

Magnus is just about finished with his workday when Dot announces that Alec has arrived. Feeling inordinately happy, Magnus closes his laptop, ignoring the rest of his emails and motions for her to send him in.

“Hi, Magnus,” Alec walks in in his usual, somewhat graceless manner. He’s tall and it feels like he never really got used to it for some reason. He rubs the back of his head, making his hair stick up again. Magnus wants to smooth down the mess and run his fingers through it, both at the same time.

“Why hello, Alexander,” he greets, standing up and reaching for Alec’s hand to go in for the usual formal handshake. Surprisingly, Alec forgoes it for a very brief hug instead, leaving Magnus flustered.

“Please, take a seat,” Magnus mumbles, trying to recover from the feel of Alec’s body pressed against his, even if for the tiniest of seconds. “Would you like something to drink? Tea, coffee, water, some whiskey, perhaps?”

“No, I’m good,” Alec says politely, sitting down in the chair across from Magnus’s desk and looking curiously at the mess on his desk. Magnus is a little behind on work today, having spent the morning texting Alec, but he’s not going to admit to that unless Alec asks about the piles of paperwork everywhere. Thankfully, he doesn’t do much other than raising an eyebrow at it.

Magnus produces the updated contract from a drawer to distract him. “Here you go,” he says, handing over the two copies of the document to Alec, “I’ve already signed them and initialled each page on both copies. Do go through it once again before you do the same.”

He clears up more of his desk as he waits for Alec to finish reading, watching him surreptitiously as his eyes scan each page thoroughly, his expression softening when he reads over the clause he’d suggested.

With a flourish, Alec finishes signing his name on each document and looks up with a blinding smile. “Done. We’re officially doing this now,” he sounds just a touch nervous, just like Magnus feels.

“Great,” Magnus takes the contracts from him and skims through each, handing one of them back to Alec. “Here’s your copy. Keep it safe.”

Alec accepts it and fiddles with the edge. “So, what’s next?”

“I have some things for you,” Magnus claps his hands together and gets up. On the last shelf of his bookshelf, there’s a long, rectangular box that he’d wrapped just a few hours ago, going all out with a ribbon and everything. Embarrassed at the effort he’d put in, Magnus furtively gets rid of the ribbon and stuffs it into his pocket. He doesn’t know what he was thinking.

“I don’t know what sort of laptop you have right now, but this is the latest MacBook,” Magnus removes the lid of the box and takes out the slim computer. “I use it myself and it works like a dream.”

“Whoa, Magnus,” Alec opens and closes his mouth, speechless. Magnus holds up a finger near his lips and raises an eyebrow, effectively shushing him.

“I also took the liberty of getting you a new phone. I couldn’t help but notice yours is quite old,” Magnus continues. “My number is already programmed in there,” he adds with a wink.

Alec’s smile makes Magnus’s heart do cartwheels in his chest.

“Here’s the credit card we talked about. When I pay the bill for it, I will do so blindly, without looking to see what you’ve spent it on,” Magnus hands him the card and then closes the lid of the box. The last gift is not a tangible one.

“And last but not least,” Magnus runs his fingertips across the smooth edge of the phone still in Alec’s hands. “You’ll see another number programmed into the contacts, Roy Porter. He’s one of my drivers and he’s going to drive you anywhere you need to go. Just call him up whenever you want and he’ll be with you in minutes.”

“This is a –” Alec starts but Magnus cuts him off.

“Don’t say anything, it’s my pleasure.”

Alec nods, murmuring a quick ‘thank you’ before he actually leans in and brushes the smallest of kisses across Magnus’s cheek, effectively short-circuiting his brain. Unaware of the reaction he’s caused, Alec put his gifts back into the box as Magnus tries to get his heart to beat normally again.

“Um, yes, so, any other, uh, questions?” Magnus asks, feeling like he needs to sit down.

“Well, I did have something important to discuss, actually,” Alec’s expression turns serious as he takes a seat across from Magnus’s desk and clasps his hands in his lap.

“I’m all ears.”

“It’s about my mother,” Alec starts. “I don’t know if you know of her –”

Magnus holds up a hand, smiling a little sadly. “Forgive me for doing so, but I did google you, Alexander. I know all about your parent’s divorce and I know Maryse Lightwood comes from old money so I can understand how much it must have hurt when the man she gave up her life for ran away with someone else.” He notices how Alec’s knuckles go white as he grips the armrests of the chair, how his mouth tightens, and wishes he could smooth out those worry lines on his forehead. Unfortunately, this is an ache Alec and his family have to suffer alone.

Alec takes a deep breath before continuing, though he looks a little relieved that at least he doesn’t have to hash out the backstory first. “Yes, well, she has a lot of time on her hands now; time that she spends interrogating us about our lives. If we thought the micromanagement was bad when we were younger, well.” He laughs dryly. “I’m pretty sure she’ll find out about this,” he gestures between the two of them with a flick of his hand, “within days and I don’t really want that.”

Magnus nods understandably. The arrangement is to be discrete, it’s one of the clauses in the contract too, and with the exception of Alec’s siblings and Catarina, neither of them are willing to share the details with anyone else. “Should we discuss a cover story of sorts?”

“That would be great.”

Magnus leans back in his chair and crosses one leg over the other, thinking. “We could say you’re my PA. It’s a mostly informal position that doesn’t draw attention to whether you’re with me outside of the office as well, or if you’re coming over to my apartment.”

“That solves most of the problem,” Alec’s tone is apologetic, his brow furrowed. “But my mother will be quite disappointed when she learns my internship at Bane Inc. is nothing more than fetching your dry-cleaning or getting you coffee or all the other mundane things a PA usually does.”

“Don’t worry,” Magnus assures him. “You can tell her I took a liking to you and am personally grooming you. By being a PA, you’re getting to see the day-to-day running of the firm and a peek into the life of a CEO.”

“When you put it like that,” Alec’s face lights up. He scrubs a hand over his cheek, looking embarrassed. “She’s just very –” he trails off, unable to find a suitable enough word, but Magnus nods, getting it anyway.

“It’s okay. Hopefully this will work,” Magnus says kindly. He waits a beat, then in a lower voice, asks something he’s been waiting to ask for a while now. “When will I see you next, darling?”

Alec looks up, looking a little flushed at the casual term of endearment. “Um, I think I’m free this weekend.”

“Lovely,” Magnus gets up, pours some whiskey into two glasses. “Shall we drink to celebrate the start of our arrangement?”

“Cheers,” Alec murmurs as the clink their glasses together, Magnus leaning against the desk, next to Alec’s chair, in the almost exact position they’d been in when Magnus had first proposed the arrangement.

Tentatively, Magnus reaches out with a hand to smooth out the lapel of Alec’s jacket, earning himself a sweet smile. His hand lingers at Alec’s shoulder for a second longer than necessary before he pulls back. “I’d like to take you shopping for a new wardrobe this weekend, and then perhaps we can have dinner afterwards?”

“I’d like that very much,” Alec replies.

“Please text me to confirm.”

Alec nods, handing his empty glass back to Magnus, who pushes himself off of the desk and returns it to the drinks table along with his own.

“So, um, I’ll call Roy then, shall I?” Alec asks, taking out his new phone.

Magnus pauses, looking at Alec. “Well, I was just about to head out too, so I can give you a ride, if you’d like.” He winks cheekily to make the innuendo clear, resulting in a pretty blush spreading over Alec’s cheeks.

“Oh, um, okay, sure,” Alec mumbles, getting up.

Magnus collects his things, turns off the lights and motions for Alec to go ahead, relishing the chance to stare at his ass again.

*

Having dropped Alec off, a little disappointed that he said goodbye only verbally, Magnus walks into his penthouse, toeing off his boots and unbuttoning his jacket. His butler appears, hot at the heels of the housekeeper and within minutes, Magnus is sitting comfortably at the dining table, a piping hot plate of stew in front of him, his glass filled with wine. He thanks his staff and dismisses them early, wanting the place to himself for the night.

Eating by himself is one of the loneliest things in the world but he’s used to it by now. Plus, he’s behind on his work emails, so at least he has some company. Sort of.

With everything but a particularly pesky client sorted out, Magnus powers off his laptop, washes up his bowl and glass carefully and wanders into his bedroom. His phone is lying on the dresser and he picks it up, thumbing through his extensive contact list for the one name he wants.

He’s almost about to press the call button before he realizes it might not be a good time. He types out a text instead.

 **[To: Cat, 11.10 p.m.]** I signed the contract today, with Alec.

Magnus sighs, knowing his friend’s busy schedule enough to know that she probably will not reply for a while. He feels exhausted and decides to draw himself a bath. The urge to pamper himself is too strong and he tips a bit of the half-empty bottle of sandalwood scented bubble bath into the tub. That particular scent has been discontinued and this is his last bottle. He tends to save it for the really bad days and even though today is not one of them, he still feels a little nostalgic and antsy.

His phone lights up as he gets in, champagne glass in hand, feeling the warm water ease his tense muscles a little. Perhaps he should get Dot to schedule him a massage.

 **[From: Cat, 11.24 p.m.]** I’m happy to hear that.

Magnus bites his lip and responds a little petulantly.

 **[To: Cat, 11.26 p.m.]** Are you really, though?

 **[From: Cat, 11.30 p.m.]** Magnus, don’t pick a fight with me. You asked me for advice and I gave it to you. My feelings about this arrangement are inconsequential now and you know I really do care about your happiness, so if this makes you happy, then I’m happy too.

Magnus feels guilty. Catarina has been his best friend for so long and if she won’t call him out on his bullshit, then nobody would. He really is grateful for her.

 **[To: Cat, 11.32 p.m.]** Sorry for being so snippy, Cat. I love you and your opinion matters a lot to me but I really do feel this is the right thing to do.

 **[From: Cat, 11.34 p.m.]** I truly am happy that it’s working out. Plus, I never said I couldn't be wrong. Perhaps this is exactly what you need.

Magnus smiles. He knows she doesn’t actually believe that but he appreciates that she’s supporting him at least.

 **[To: Cat, 11.35 p.m.]** I hope so. Alexander is just so charming, I can’t wait to see him again soon.

Magnus stretches out in the tub, feeling a soft glow envelop him as he thinks back to Alec’s smile as he’d adjusted his jacket, the tiny kiss he’d pressed to Magnus’s cheek, the way he’d flushed when Magnus had called him ‘darling’. To say Alec was c _harming_ was an understatement, if Magnus was honest.

 **[From: Cat, 11.36 p.m.]** When _do_ you see him again?

 **[To: Cat, 11.37 p.m.]** Hopefully this weekend. I told him I’d take him out shopping. 

**[From: Cat, 11.39 p.m.]** Don’t scare the poor boy by foisting glittery and shiny things on him, Magnus.

 **[To: Cat, 11.40 p.m.]** I would never. I am offended, Ms. Loss. I’ll only buy him whatever he feels comfortable in. I’m not interested in creating a mini me.

 **[From: Cat, 11.42 p.m.]** Just joking, babe.

Magnus grins fondly. He really misses Catarina and her teasing.

 **[To: Cat, 11.43 p.m.]** When can you meet me again? It’s been so long since we talked in person.

 **[From: Cat, 11.46 p.m.]** Sorry, I know I’ve been incredibly busy but the adoption papers are finally coming through and it looks like I’ll be Madzie’s new mom really soon so I’ve just been super caught up in baby proofing the house and setting up her room.

Magnus reads Catarina’s text with mixed emotions. On the one hand, he can’t think of a person who deserves this more than she does. She’s always wanted a child but fertility problems, as well as the fact that she was asexual and couldn’t exactly go out and find herself a husband or partner to parent with, had caused a lot of issues. Magnus is so happy that she’s finally figured out things, but he’s also the tiniest bit sad. Catarina has been so busy already; with a child to look after, she’s bound to become even more so. Magnus feels lonelier than ever.

 **[To: Cat, 11.50 p.m.]** That's an excuse I would never begrudge you for, darling. When do I get to meet my new goddaughter? I am her godparent, aren’t I?

 **[From: Cat, 11.51 p.m.]** I wouldn’t have it any other way, you know that. You can meet her as soon as she's settled in.

 **[To: Cat, 11.52 p.m.]** I would love that.

Despite his cocktail of emotions about the adoption and what it’ll mean for their friendship, Magnus is genuinely looking forward to meeting the kid. He’s always had a soft spot for children.

 **[From: Cat, 11.53 p.m.]** Talk later? My shift is about to start in a few minutes and I just remembered I haven’t had dinner yet.

Magnus shakes his head. _Typical Cat_ , he thinks, _always putting others before herself_. He doesn’t doubt in the least how good of a mother she’ll be.

 **[To: Cat, 11.53 p.m.]** Please take care of yourself, Cat.

 **[From: Cat, 11.54 p.m.]** You too, Magnus. Love you.

 **[To: Cat, 11.54 p.m.]** Love you too.

He sets his phone on the wide lip of the bathtub, feeling pensive. The silence of the apartment is unsettling. He takes a sip of his champagne but it tastes disgusting now that it’s gone lukewarm.

His phone chimes with another text, startling him.

 **[From: Alexander, 11.59 p.m.]** I checked and I’m free this Saturday evening, if you still want to go out.

Magnus grins, feeling oddly excited.

 **[To: Alexander, 12.01 a.m.]** Of course I do, Alexander. Shall I pick you up at five?

 **[From: Alexander, 12.02 a.m.]** Sounds perfect.

Magnus’s grin feels like its permanently stuck on his face. It’s frankly ridiculous that he’s getting this worked up over a couple of texts, like a teenage boy.

 **[To: Alexander, 12.03 a.m.]** Sleep well, darling.

He puts his phone back and leans back in the tub with a content sigh. It’s only four days until Saturday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next up: their first date!!


	6. i'm all dressed up and naked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His phone vibrates with an incoming text and Alec swears as he sees the time on the lit-up screen. Fuck. Magnus is coming to pick him up in half an hour and he fell asleep while working on his Business Analytics paper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh!! tysm for commenting y'all. it makes me so happy to wake up to all of your lovely feedback and questions <3 
> 
> i'm not SUPER happy with this chapter, but i've been working on it for a while now and idk. i decided to just go with it i guess.

At 4.30 p.m. in the afternoon on Saturday, Alec wakes up with a jolt. The first thing he realizes is that his neck hurts. The second thing he realizes is that he’s fallen asleep on a pretty uncomfortable textbook. With a groan, he raises his head from his arms and kneads a hand in the back of his neck, feeling the muscles tense under his touch.

His phone vibrates with an incoming text and Alec swears as he sees the time on the lit-up screen. _Fuck_. Magnus is coming to pick him up in half an hour and he fell asleep while working on his Business Analytics paper.

[From: Izzy, 4.29 p.m.] Just a heads up that Mom has been asking about you and will probably call you later today.

Alec groans. He does _not_ need his mother calling him up in the middle of the date. The only way to pre-empt that disaster is to call her himself. He gets up from his desk, makes a mental note to thank Izzy for the info and heads into his room while dialling his mom’s number.

“Alec, I was just thinking about calling you,” Maryse Lightwood’s voice doesn’t betray an ounce of emotion, but Alec can tell she’s pleased. He smiles fondly even though she can’t see him.

“Hi, mom,” he opens his closet to see what options he has. Magnus always dresses so fashionably, Alec doesn’t feel like his usual uniform of black t-shirt, jeans and jacket will cut it.

“How are classes? How’s Lydia?” Maryse asks as Alec holds up shirts one by one and sniffs cautiously. He’s never really bothered to keep track of what’s clean and what isn’t. If it smells okay, he wears it. If it doesn’t, he washes it. It’s a simple enough process, but one that can’t really guarantee he’ll have something nice to wear on his first date with Magnus.

“Classes are good,” Alec winces, remembering how he’d paid absolutely no attention to his 10 a.m. one that morning, justifying it by making a mental note to ask Lydia for notes later. “Lydia is good too. Probably going to finish her degree in half the time required, by the looks of it,” he chuckles.

Lydia Branwell is his best friend, outside of his siblings. They grew up together and had even dated briefly before Alec realized he was extremely and painfully gay. She had responded to this realization by buying him ice cream, sitting him down on a bench in Central Park where they’d gone on their date, and pointing at a random guy, asking Alec if he thought he was hot.

“That’s nice,” Maryse has always been fond of overachievers. “What about you?” she sounds a little stern now.

“Mom, classes _just_ started,” Alec complains. “I’m doing the best I can.” He decides on a navy-blue button down that smells okay and that Izzy has complimented once and starts looking for a clean pair of jeans.

“And your internship?” Maryse is quite ruthless in her questioning. Not for the first time, Alec thinks she should’ve been in the FBI, or at the very least, the police.

“It’s going really well,” Alec says brightly. “I’ll tell you all about it later, okay? I have class in a few minutes, gotta rush. Bye!”

“Goodbye, Alexander,” Maryse barely has time to say before Alec hangs up with a deep sigh of relief. He might have narrowly avoided telling her the actual details for now but has no doubt that she’ll harangue him for them later. Oh well, he can deal with it when it happens. He already has a game plan, anyway.

It’s 4.45 p.m. when Alec finally hops into the shower. Fervently, he hopes that punctuality is not one of Magnus’s strong suits. _At least there’s one perk of having to rush like this though_ , he thinks as he runs his fingers through his wet hair in front of the mirror, trying to get it to settle in its usual part and not stick up all over the place. _I’m not that nervous about the date itself_.

One of the things that has been on his mind ever since he and Magnus signed the contract and made plans for this first date, is how different it’ll be from a normal date with a man he’s actually interested in as a potential boyfriend. Are there different rules for what he and Magnus are about to do? There isn’t anything in the contract that dictates the minutiae of things like dates and meetings, so its safe to say Alec is a little confused.

 _Magnus will obviously pay for dinner, but should I offer at least? How many clothes should I be buying if he’s paying for all of them? I hope he doesn’t take me some place super expensive. Should I kiss him at the end of the night? Or do I let him make the first move? What will we even talk about? Is it okay to ask him personal questions? Do I want him to ask **me** personal questions? Would I want him to meet Izzy and Jace at some point? _Alec’s brain feels like it’s going to explode with the amount of questions he has buzzing around in there. For all Magnus has stressed the importance of communication, Alec doesn’t think _these_ are the kind of questions he meant. Somehow, this is something he’s going to have to navigate and figure out on his own.

He puts on a bit of cologne, which had been a birthday gift from Lydia and smells quite nice actually and rubs a hand over his jaw. There’s just the barest hint of stubble, but it’s probably okay and he doesn’t have the time to shave anyway.

Right on time, at exactly 5 p.m., his phone chimes with an incoming call. It’s Magnus.

“Hey,” Alec wishes he didn’t sound that excited.

“Hello, Alexander. Just wanted to let you know I’m waiting downstairs. Didn’t really have the time to figure out how the intercom and buzzer systems work. It’s quite confusing.”

“No problem,” Alec laughs, hurriedly grabbing his jacket, keys and wallet. “I’ll be right down.”

The car is waiting on the curb outside. It’s got tinted windows so Alec doesn’t really see Magnus until he slides in next to him on the back seat.

“Wow,” he breathes out, mouth almost falling open. “You look really good,” he says, waving a hand rather lamely at Magnus’s outfit. He’s wearing slim, black trousers with a jewel-studded belt, a paisley button down and a glittery black vest with small pearly buttons. His hair is coiffed and quite a few necklaces hang around his neck. Alec thinks he spots one with a skull pendant.

“Why, thank you, darling,” Magnus smiles, looking rather pleased. He fiddles with his silver ear cuff and sweeps his gaze up and down Alec too. “You look quite dashing yourself.”

Alec rubs a hand over the back of his neck, feeling a little overwhelmed at the old-fashioned phrasing. “Where are we going?”

“I thought we’d head up to Westfield, since we can pretty much find everything there. How was your day?”

“It was good,” Alec smiles. “Had a class in the morning and then came home, thinking I’d work on a paper, but I must’ve fallen asleep instead. Woke up at 4.30,” he adds, laughing a little in embarrassment.

“Oh no,” Magnus looks a little concerned, weirdly enough. “Are you not getting enough sleep, darling?”

“No, I am,” Alec reassures him quickly. “Well, as much as an average grad student should be getting.”

“A good night’s sleep is extremely important,” Magnus says, then laughs. It’s a beautiful, free sound that Alec is absolutely delighted by. Magnus’s actions, behaviours and words are usually so precise and composed; this is a new thing. “Look at me, I sound like an old man, lecturing you about sleeping habits.” He shakes his head and tilts it towards Alec fondly. “Let’s talk about more interesting things, shall we?”

Alec nods in answer but can’t think of anything to say. A minute stretches by, not uncomfortably, before he breaks the silence. “So, how was your day?”

Magnus waves a hand airily, “Oh you know, this and that. Work stuff. Mergers, acquisitions, hiring and firing.” His body stiffens almost imperceptibly. Alec realizes he doesn’t really want to talk about his business. Suddenly, he feels awkward for asking.

“Oh, okay.”

“Alexander, tell me about your sister,” Magnus says after a minute, out of the blue. Alec can’t help the surprised look on his face. He wasn’t expecting Magnus to be interested in his family. “What is she like? What does she do?”

Alec clears his throat, “Well, her name is Isabelle. But everyone calls her Izzy. She’s the best. She’s in med school right now.” It feels slightly weird rattling off facts like these, but the question is too vague for Alec to give a more focused answer.

“That’s admirable,” Magnus smiles, “Is she very much like you?”

This question is a lot easier to answer. “She’s a little more hot-headed. An absolute disaster in the kitchen, too.” Alec laughs fondly. When his little sister was done with the kitchen, it would usually look like a hurricane had passed through. The only thing she could make was toast, and even that, she would burn half the time. If Alec didn’t keep a check on her eating habits and cook for her sometimes, she would probably be living off takeaway and ramen.

“You also have a brother?” Magnus prompts. Alec nods.

“Jace, yes. He’s adopted but we were so young when he arrived, I don’t even remember a childhood without him in it. He’s almost always getting into trouble and has had his heart broken more times than I can count,” Alec chuckles.

Magnus just looks a little sad as he responds. “Ah, we have something in common, then.”

Alec shrugs a little awkwardly, not knowing how to respond to such a statement. He fumbles for a question to ask, something to break the silence. “How many siblings do you have?” it seems safe to ask that, considering Magnus himself started with the same question.

“Alas, I am an only child,” Magnus says it very matter-of-factly but Alec senses a slight sadness in his tone.

“Oh. Do you wish you had one?”

“Not really,” Magnus shrugs. “I never really felt the lack, having grown up in foster care. There were always other kids around.” 

Alec had no idea Magnus had grown up without a proper family. “I didn’t know that,” he says, wishing he could reach out and touch Magnus’s hand. He’s crossed them in his lap, though, so it would be a rather awkward move.

Magnus tilts his head towards the window, so only his profile is visible to Alec. “My father died before I was born, and my mother committed suicide when I was six. My step-father took me in but he was a raging alcoholic and my neighbour called social services on him, landing me in foster care.” He narrates the story clinically, as if he’s telling Alec about someone else, not himself.

“I’m sorry,” Alec says, almost helplessly. The conversation seems to have taken an even bleaker turn, and Alec starts to wish they were at Westfield already.

“It was a long time ago,” Magnus says kindly. “I’m okay.”

They spend the next few minutes in silence, which Magnus breaks by announcing they’re there. The hours that follow are a blur of trying on a million different things, feeling Magnus’s eyes look him up and down appreciatively, laughing until his stomach hurts because Magnus makes him try on the most ludicrous patterns, and buying Magnus an ice cream when he’s distracted, handing him the cone shyly and smiling when his eyes light up at the small present.

“Today is about spoiling you,” Magnus protests half-heartedly.

“Shush, I get to spoil you too,” Alec pokes his arm. “And it’s just an ice cream cone, don’t be so dramatic.”

Magnus laughs, getting some ice cream on his nose. Alec feels his heart do strange things in his chest as he reaches out to wipe it off with his thumb, feeling Magnus’s heavy gaze on him. They’re sitting in the atrium, pressed together from hip to knee on the small bench, surrounded by their many shopping bags. Magnus doesn’t say anything, just continues to eat his ice cream, looking like a little boy who was just given a treat. Alec smiles. It’s shaping out to be one of the best days of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next up: date night pt. 2 ;)


	7. good times remedy your sorrows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ok, so I’ve made reservations at this wonderful Italian place,” Magnus tells him, calling for the car as he does so. “I hope you like Italian?”
> 
> “It’s my favourite,” Alec assures him, following him out of the mall. They’re both bogged down with tons of shopping bags but somehow they manage to locate the car and stuff everything in the boot before sliding into the back themselves, giggling like teenagers.
> 
> Magnus feels like the whole world has disappeared – like it’s just him and Alec, out on their date, without either of them worrying about real life problems like audits or mergers or papers or presentations. He takes Alec’s hand tentatively and feels a little thrill rush through him when Alec intertwines their fingers together and squeezes lightly. Magnus has to bite his lip to hide his smile. He’s not sure when the last time was that he even smiled this much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm SOSOSO sorry this was supposed to be up AGES ago and i never really got around to editing it and i'm so sorryyyy. thank you so much for sticking around and for the lovely comments. hope you like this chapterrrr

Finally getting to spend time with Alec and go on an actual date with him, instead of just meeting up to negotiate the contract and discuss their arrangement, is an absolute delight. Alec also happens to be a wonderful model and is willing to try on almost everything Magnus throws his way. It’s possibly one of the best shopping trips Magnus has taken, and when, at the end of it, Alec buys him ice-cream, Magnus is stunned into speechlessness for a full minute. It’s a small, chocolate scoop with rainbow sprinkles – nothing much – but Magnus can’t remember when anybody had last bought him anything. He can’t help but feel overwhelmed.

“I remember you said you liked a man in lingerie,” Alec says suddenly, when they’re almost done with their ice-creams. He’s looking across the atrium, at the Victoria’s Secrets store.

“Indeed,” Magnus smiles, interested in where this would go. Alec is blushing slightly but he turns to meet Magnus’s eye with a determined sort of look.

“Well, maybe we can go there someday.” He nods his head towards the store, his tone light and casual.

Magnus knows he’s grinning too widely but he doesn’t care. Everything about Alec is surprising and charming and Magnus is loving every single second of their time together. “I’d love that,” Magnus replies, too speechless to say anything more. It’s enough for Alec though, and he nods once as if in confirmation, and finishes up his ice-cream.

“Care for some dinner?” Magnus asks after they’re done. He’d already told Alec this would be a shopping trip plus a dinner date, but he asks, nevertheless. It’s gotten a bit late – they’d really gotten caught up in modelling the more ridiculous outfits – and perhaps Alec has something else to do.

“Of course,” Alec laughs, a little confusedly. “I’m starving.”

“Good,” Magnus says, getting up. “I mean, good that you’re still up for dinner, not good that you’re starving.”

“I got that,” Alec teases him as he babbles and Magnus bumps his shoulder into Alec’s in retaliation.

“Ok, so I’ve made reservations at this wonderful Italian place,” Magnus tells him, calling for the car as he does so. “I hope you like Italian?”

“It’s my favourite,” Alec assures him, following him out of the mall. They’re both bogged down with tons of shopping bags but somehow they manage to locate the car and stuff everything in the boot before sliding into the back themselves, giggling like teenagers.

Magnus feels like the whole world has disappeared – like it’s just him and Alec, out on their date, without either of them worrying about real life problems like audits or mergers or papers or presentations. He takes Alec’s hand tentatively and feels a little thrill rush through him when Alec intertwines their fingers together and squeezes lightly. Magnus has to bite his lip to hide his smile. He’s not sure when the last time was that he even smiled this much.

“So, tell me about cooking,” Magnus asks, just to have something other than Alec’s fingers to focus on.

“What about cooking?” Alec asks innocently, as if he doesn’t know exactly what Magnus is asking. The mischievous gleam in his eyes betrays it though. He’s absolutely aware of Magnus being flustered by him and is taking full advantage of it.

“You know, how you like to cook,” Magnus elaborates, pretending like he doesn’t know exactly what Alec is doing. “Where do you get it from? Who taught you? What’s your favourite thing to make?” He’s a little pleased and surprised at the coherency of his thoughts and questions, given that Alec is now rubbing his thumb carefully on the back of his hand in extremely soothing circles.

“Oh, that,” Alec grins. “I got it from my mom, though she doesn’t really cook much anymore. She taught me when I was a kid. Tried to teach Izzy too but like I’ve told you, Izzy and the kitchen aren’t two things that mix.” He pauses, laughing. “My favourite thing, well, it’s going to sound so simple and boring but we used to have this Indian cook for a while and generally, Indian food is really spicy and complex but once she made these amazing potatoes and I literally inhaled the entire thing. I had to blackmail her into telling me the recipe and now it’s like, my go-to comfort food.”

Magnus looks at the happy expression on Alec’s face. It’s clear that food is his passion, not finance or whatever he’s getting his degree in. “Will you make it for me some day?”

“Of course,” Alec nods. “The recipe is so simple but it tastes so good, I can’t even express it in words.”

“I can’t wait,” Magnus smiles, pleased.

“Other than that, I guess I make traditional food a lot,” Alec shrugs. “I make a mean chilli, too,” he adds.

Magnus laughs and throws up the hand not being held by Alec. “Okay, now you’ve got me in the mood for spicy food.”

Alec laughs too and looks apologetic. “Sorry! I also really like Italian. Pasta is so easy to cook, especially when you make it all in one pot.”

Magnus scrunches his nose in confusion, “What? I thought you had to boil pasta before you put it in sauce?” He’s never made pasta in his life but once he’d seen Catarina do it and she had definitely complained about how long it was taking for the water to boil.

“There’s a much easier way to do it,” Alec winks. “You boil the pasta in the sauce itself and then thicken the sauce up with a bit of flour. Obviously, that works with milk and stock-based sauces and not like, tomato-based ones so much.”

Magnus listens, hooked on Alec’s explanations. “Fascinating,” he murmurs.

Alec snorts as if he doesn’t really believe him. “No, really,” Magnus says, “The contents of my fridge and cabinets are quite shameful. I know next to nothing about cooking.”

Alec’s eyes don’t meet his as he replies. “I should teach you, then.”

“That would be rather nice,” Magnus squeezes Alec’s hand. “We’ve arrived, by the way.”

The restaurant is small, intimate and cozy, with lighting that isn’t too bright but not too dim either. Magnus hates the places where the lights are so dim, it’s like you’re eating in the dark. He gets that dim lights add to the mood, but he likes looking at his date and his food too, thank you very much. This place is also one of the few that he’d never been to with Camille, so it’s like a blank slate. And while it’s his first time visiting, he’s heard some rave reviews about it from a couple of dear, trusted friends, so it had seemed like the perfect place to bring Alec to.

They’re given a nice, secluded little booth in the back and Alec, surprisingly, orders in perfect Italian. “I did a semester abroad once,” he shrugs in explanation, laughing a little at Magnus’s surprised expression.

“You continue to surprise me, Alexander,” Magnus smiles.

Their conversation turns to work as Alec asks him about how he built his business empire at such a young age. While it’s not Magnus’s favourite thing to talk about, Alec’s curiosity is so genuine, he doesn’t mind answering his questions. Soon, he gets into quite a flow and is rewarded with quite interesting questions from Alec. It might not be his passion, but Alec is extremely intelligent and engages with Magnus is a way only Raphael does.

Alec opens up too, telling Magnus about Izzy and Jace and how they’re both doing something they love because they’re not the eldest child and therefore, don’t have as much pressure on them. Also because their passions are a bit more – dignified, or so Alec puts it. Magnus suspects it’s his mother’s phrasing but he doesn’t ask. Instead he resolves to get Alec to follow his cooking passion in any way he can, even if it’s in an unofficial capacity.

They share a desert and the night slowly shuffles towards its end, even though Magnus is loathe to leave Alec. He offers to drop him home and is relieved when Alec accepts. They spend the drive home in companionable, comfortable silence for the most part, sitting a little closer together than they had been in their previous two rides to the mall and the restaurant.

When Alec’s place is less than five minutes away, Magnus turns to him, feeling a little hesitant.

“I had a lot of fun today,” he says, reaching out to pat Alec on the arm. “You’re great company.”

“I could say the same about you,” Alec replies, smiling. “Today was the best.”

“I would like to kiss you goodbye, Alexander, if that’s okay,” Magnus’s eyes drop to Alec’s mouth almost unconsciously and Alec licks his lips equally so.

“More than okay,” Alec murmurs, leaning in and surprising Magnus by grabbing the lapel of his jacket to pull him in. Magnus leans in as well, closing the last two inches between them with a happy sigh as their mouths collide, a little messily and clumsily. Alec giggles and pulls away.

They get it perfect the second time; Magnus’s hands resting on the back of Alec’s neck, Alec’s hands on his lapels. Alec kisses him a little hesitantly at first but when Magnus opens his mouth slightly, he picks up on it immediately and then they’re kissing with tongue and Magnus has never felt this breathless before, has never kissed like this before. It’s like his entire body is involved, not just his hands and face. It’s a buzz even better than coffee, perhaps.

“Wow,” Magnus breathes as they break apart for air. They’re still holding onto each other, though and Alec’s hands have moved up to his shoulders.

“Wow, indeed,” Alec replies, leaning back in his seat a little now and looking visibly out of breath.

“So, um, I’ll see you later then?” Magnus asks, a little lamely. They’ve stopped outside Alec’s building and Alec’s hand is hovering over the door handle.

“I’ll text you,” Alec nods, grinning. Magnus nods too and is a little disappointed when Alec opens the door and leaves with just a ‘bye’. He’d been hoping he’d get another kiss, but it seems like he’s going to have to wait a while for that. Magnus asks his driver to start the car again and sinks back in his seat with a happy sigh, fingers tracing his mouth, where the ghost of Alec’s lips still haunts.


	8. sorry to get sentimental tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He asked you? Like, with words?”
> 
> Alec rolls his eyes. “Yes, he asked me. Using words.”
> 
> “Who does that?” Izzy murmurs, tone wondrous.
> 
> “Magnus, apparently,” Alec shrugs. “It was rather sweet, actually,” he continues, a small smile appearing on his face. “I’ve never been asked before if I want to be kissed. People usually just… do it. Or they lean in and you get the signals so you either lean in too or you back off.”
> 
> It’s Izzy’s turn to roll her eyes. “Yes, Alec, I know how kissing works.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tysm for sticking around and reading this. here's a longer chapter to make up for the big, big break i took in the middle :p

“Oh my god, Alec, this coat is _gorgeous_ ,” Izzy exclaims, running her hands over the new, black peacoat with the gold buttons and detailing that Magnus had bought for him.

“Magnus picked it out,” Alec tells her, folding a few of the shirts he still hasn’t gotten around to unboxing and putting away. He’s never bought this many things at one time in his life. It’s all a bit overwhelming.

“Good taste,” Izzy observes, letting go of the coat to pick up a bunch of sleek ties that Alec doesn’t really know when he is going to wear. He isn’t a tie guy most of the time, only tending to put one on when he had to give a presentation or an interview.

“Yeah,” Alec agrees, finishing up the last of the folding and getting up to go check on the chicken he’s got in the oven. “Do you want mushrooms in the lasagne?” He throws back over his shoulder at Izzy who is still going through his closet for all of his new things.

“Yes, please,” she replies distractedly. “Not too many though.”

“Done. Now, please, go back to studying. You have that quiz tomorrow,” Alec reminds her, going off to the kitchen where the pasta water is almost done boiling.

Izzy had turned up about an hour or so ago, laden down with heavy medical books, her hair frizzier than usual and her glasses perched on the top of her head. “Can I study here, pretty please? My roommate is being annoying as fuck and I have this very important test tomorrow.”

“Of course,” Alec had let her in and set her up on the couch, throwing in his last tub of ice-cream for good measure. She was clearly frazzled and needed a treat. Between grateful sighs and lots of ‘I love you so much’s, Izzy had also let slip that her exam week was coming up. This was alarming for Alec, mainly because he knew how Izzy got when she was in her super-nerd mode. Either she didn’t eat at all or she ate exclusively junk food and takeout.

“I’m going to cook you some dinners you can freeze and heat up later,” Alec had said to her, turning a deaf ear to her weak protests.

And that’s why he’s spending a Wednesday night cooking large batches of freezable casseroles, some lasagne and a bunch of mini pizzas for his sister while she studies on his couch (or stalks off to his bedroom to check out his new clothes).

“When I’m done with this chapter, will you tell me more about the date?” Izzy asks, looking up from her book. She’s wrapped one of the quilts from his bed around her shoulders and looks like a small, fuzzy burrito. Alec grins at her fondly and agrees.

The lasagne is almost done and he starts layering it up and pops it in the oven. On the couch, Izzy sighs and hums through several, rather dense looking pages of super tiny text unbroken by pictures. Alec thinks he spots a diagram of a human skull but that’s about it.

“Ok, come regale me with tales of _tu_ _amor,_ ” Izzy calls out, stretching, after the fifteen minutes it takes for Alec to prep the lasagne.

“I wouldn’t refer to him as that,” Alec makes a face as he comes up to the couch and sinks into it with a sigh. Izzy immediately puts her head on his shoulder and snuggles up to him. “Well, you know we went out for dinner after we were done at the mall,” Alec starts.

“Mm,” Izzy responds. “What did you guys have for dinner? Was it a nice place?”

“It was very cozy,” Alec tucks her into his side and rubs a soothing hand over her arm. Her body is tense, probably from nerves about the upcoming quiz, probably from lack of sleep or general stress. “I ordered alfredo and he had some carbonara and we got garlic bread, obviously.”

“Yum,” Izzy comments. “Did you kiss him afterwards? Did he come over? Or did you go to his place?”

“He offered me a ride home,” Alec tells her. “But he didn’t come up. It was quite late by that point.”

“But did you _kiss him_?” Izzy asks again, impatiently.

“I wanted to but before I could even, like, work up the nerve to do it, he asked _me_ if he could kiss me,” Alec replies. Izzy leans away from him a little so she can look at him with incredulous eyes.

“He _asked_ you? Like, with words?”

Alec rolls his eyes. “Yes, he asked me. Using words.”

“Who does that?” Izzy murmurs, tone wondrous.

“Magnus, apparently,” Alec shrugs. “It was rather sweet, actually,” he continues, a small smile appearing on his face. “I’ve never been asked before if I want to be kissed. People usually just… do it. Or they lean in and you get the signals so you either lean in too or you back off.”

It’s Izzy’s turn to roll her eyes. “Yes, Alec, I know how kissing works.”

“Speaking of, how’s Maia?” Alec grins at Izzy’s embarrassed face. “Have you told her yet?”

“This gossip session is supposed to be about you!” Izzy complains, poking him in the side.

“I’ve told you everything already, now it’s your turn,” Alec reminds her.

Izzy makes a face and then pushes away from him so she can sit up with her knees tucked into her chest, arms resting lightly on top. Alec arranges his quilt around her shoulders again. “No, I haven’t told her yet. Still waiting for that perfect chance,” Izzy finally admits, tugging the quilt closer.

“Come on, Iz,” Alec briefly checks the time; he has to take the lasagne out in five minutes. “She asked you to come see her gig. That is not normal bartender-client behaviour. She definitely likes you.”

Izzy buries her head in her arms so her next words are rather muffled. “I know, I just can’t seem to find the perfect time to tell her. There’s always so many people around.”

Alec rolls his eyes even if she can’t see it. “Catch her after her gig,” he suggests, getting up. “You _are_ going, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Izzy replies, raising her head again. She looks part nervous, part excited and Alec grins at the conflicted expression on her face.

“So wait for her afterwards. Tell her how much you enjoyed it, offer to walk her home and voila,” He sets the lasagne on the counter with a flourish to emphasize.

“Okay,” Izzy sighs. “I’ll do that.”

“I hope it goes well,” Alec says sincerely, not teasing anymore.

“Fingers crossed,” Izzy replies, crossing them as she says it.

Alec is taking off his oven mitts when his phone starts to vibrate. He looks at the lock screen and sees it’s Magnus.

“Ooo, who’s that?” Izzy asks.

“Um, nobody,” Alec says, picking up his phone, thumb hovering over the green button. “It’s Magnus,” he corrects himself, feeling a little nervous suddenly.

“Pick it up!” Izzy urges, plugging in her headphones to give him some privacy.

Alec nods and presses the green button. “Hey, Magnus,” he answers, shuffling off towards his room. Since their dinner date on Saturday, they haven’t seen each other but they have been texting sporadically. It’s the first time Magnus has called him, though. Alec is not sure what to expect.

“Were you busy?” Magnus’s voice in his ear feels a little apprehensive.

“Not really,” Alec says quickly. “Well, Izzy is here. I’m cooking for her.” He sits down on his bed and fiddles with the edge of his pillow case.

“Oh dear,” Magnus sounds apologetic now. “I’m so sorry for interrupting.”

“No, it’s fine,” Alec assures him. “What’s up?” He lies back down on the bed, looking up at his ceiling absently. There’s a few glow-in-the-dark stars up there from when he’d first gotten this apartment and Jace had put them up there, partly as a joke, partly as his way of adding some levity in Alec’s life.

“Well, I don’t quite know myself,” Magnus admits. His voice is low and hesitant. “I had a long day and texting you didn’t seem quite good enough so I called instead. Perhaps I should’ve stuck to the original plan,” he adds with a dry, self-deprecating chuckle.

“I’m glad you called,” Alec tells him, tone firm. “Izzy’s studying for her quiz tomorrow anyway.”

“Wish her luck from me.”

“Will do,” Alec says. There’s a lull in the conversation then and Alec wonders if he can ask Magnus about his day. It’s probably something to do with work and he’s noticed Magnus doesn’t like talking about that too much. “So, um, long day, huh?” He ends up saying, feeling a little lame.

“The longest,” Magnus sighs, but doesn’t get into specifics.

“Sounds awful,” Alec says sympathetically. He clears his throat. “I know you don’t like to talk about work, but I’m here if there’s anything I can do.”

“Thank you, darling.” Magnus’s voice sounds like he might be smiling. Alec wonders where he is and what he’s doing. “Tell me about what you cooked. Distract me a little.”

The question is not unexpected; Magnus has seemed very interested in his culinary expertise. Alec closes his eyes, smiles and tells him what he’s done so far. “So, I made some lasagne, a couple of mini pizzas and a casserole. She can freeze them and heat them up whenever she wants and it’s enough food to last her the week, hopefully.”

“Oh? I thought you were just making dinner,” Magnus sounds confused.

“Oh, no. It’s exam week and I knew she wasn’t going to eat unless she was reminded and had something on hand. Once, she survived an entire week on just ramen and those sour candy things. I don’t even know how.”

“It’s so sweet of you to make sure she’s eating right and cook for her,” Magnus sounds surprised but there’s a glimmer of something else in his voice. A sort of – desire?

“It’s no big deal,” Alec laughs, “I cook in batches for myself too, sometimes, when I know I won’t have time during the week.”

“Still,” Magnus insists. “In the short time I’ve known you, one thing I can say for sure about you is that you’re an extremely caring person.” His tone is warm and Alec is sure he’s blushing.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, a little embarrassed at the direct praise. He’s not used to people expressing themselves so openly.

“I won’t keep Izzy waiting any longer,” Magnus says. “Please, have a lovely rest of the night and do wish her luck from me.”

“You gonna be okay?” Alec asks, feeling a little worried still.

“I will be now,” Magnus replies, quietly. “Thank you.”

“Bye, Magnus,” Alec says, feeling a little pleased at having made things better for him, even if he didn’t really do anything much. “Talk to you later.”

“Bye, darling,” Magnus’s voice has a smile in it again. Alec hangs up, feeling ridiculously like a teenager who just had his first phone call with his crush. It’s stupid, he knows, but being with Magnus feels so _new_. None of his previous partners have made him feel this needed and cared about before. None of them have appreciated him like this before.

Still smiling, he walks back into the living room and gives a thumbs up to Izzy to indicate he’s done. She tugs off her headphones immediately and looks at him expectantly, eyes wide and curious.

“He said to wish you luck,” Alec tells her, going to check on the casserole.

“Aw, that’s so nice of him,” Izzy squeals.

Alec nods, laughing. The casserole is done and he takes it off the stove so it can cool down a little before he packs it up. “Do you want actual dinner? I’ve been snacking off of this stuff while I cooked so I’m not that hungry.”

“I snacked too,” Izzy tells him, grinning. “Plus you gave me a whole tub of ice-cream, remember?”

“You ate it all?” Alec asks, horrified. It was an 8-ounce Ben and Jerry’s. It takes him a week to finish and Izzy’s eaten it all in one sitting.

“Sorry,” she looks guilty. “I promise I’ll eat healthier. I mean, I’ll have to,” she waves a hand towards the kitchen, indicating everything he’s made.

“You remember how to heat it all up?” Alec asks as he starts to shift the food into Tupperware containers.

“Yes, Alec, I’m not stupid,” Izzy rolls her eyes and huffs.

“You’re just culinary challenged,” Alec jokes.

“Oh, fuck you. It’s not my fault you got all the cooking genes from mom.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too, big bro,” Izzy replies, getting up to come hug him. “Thank you for always making sure I have food to eat.”

“Anytime,” Alec squeezes her tightly and drops a kiss on the top of her head. “You want to stay over? I can drop you to campus tomorrow morning.”

“No, it’s fine,” Izzy replies, going back over to the couch to gather her things. “I have some readings and things to go over still, so I’d best go home. Plus, I have to put all of this food away.”

“Okay, text me when you get there,” Alec reminds her as he finished packing up all of the food. Izzy promises to do so and leaves, weighed down by her books and the food but absolutely refusing any help. Alec sighs and gives up, knowing that once she’s got an idea in her head about something, it’s literally impossible to get her to change her mind.

With the apartment empty but smelling like food, Alec feels a little nostalgic. Its’ been ages since they’ve had a family dinner or his mom has cooked. Since the divorce, his mom doesn’t do much of anything, besides call them occasionally to check up on how they’re doing. He really must convince Izzy and Jace to take a weekend off and go visit her.

He cleans up and pours himself a glass of wine. His first class isn’t until 1 p.m. the next day, so he can even sleep in if he wants. He’s also, miraculously, on top of all his papers and things and doesn’t have anything pressing to do. For a bit, he flicks through the channels on TV before finally giving in and picking up his phone.

 **[To: Magnus, 11.25 p.m.]** Hi. Izzy just left.

It’s a little ridiculous, how much he wants to talk to Magnus. After the phone call especially, he can’t think of anything but Magnus and how he hadn’t had a good day. They’d hung up after Magnus had said he was feeling better but something was still nagging at Alec.

 **[To: Alec, 11.29 p.m.]** Did you guys have dinner, then?

 **[To: Magnus, 11.31 p.m.]** Not exactly. We both snacked while I was cooking so we weren’t too hungry after that.

Alec smiles, finishing off his wine and retiring to his bedroom so he can shower and change. Magnus’s reply comes in while he’s showering and he checks his phone as he’s drying himself.

 **[To: Alec, 11.35 p.m.]** I’m in the middle of mine.

He types back a reply and pulls on his boxers. Sliding into bed, he sets his alarms as he waits for Magnus to text back.

 **[To: Magnus, 11.45 p.m.]** What are you having?

 **[To: Alec, 11.46 p.m.]** Chicken noodle soup from a Chinese place nearby.

Alec is suddenly reminded of their earlier phone call, when he’d mentioned he was cooking for Izzy and Magnus had responded with a strange, soft yearning in his voice.

 **[To: Magnus, 11.50 p.m.]** When was the last time you had a home cooked meal?

The question seems personal, somehow. Alec snuggles into his pillow, his face illuminated by the phone screen, feeling anxious as he waits.

 **[To: Alec, 11.52 p.m.]** Um, the night we signed our contract. My cook made stew. 

Alec had assumed Magnus must have staff to cook and clean for him but this confirms it. _Do they make food for him every night though? What about lunch to take to work?_ He wonders.

 **[To: Magnus, 11.56 p.m.]** I want to cook for you.

It’s something they’d talked about on their date, but in the middle of the night, offering to cook for Magnus seems even more intimate than it had before.

 **[To: Alec, 11.59 p.m.]** I’d like that. 

**[To: Magnus, 12.01 a.m.]** I also want to see you again.

Alec sends the text, feeling nervous. They haven’t talked about another date since they had their first one but it’s been four days since he last saw Magnus and Alec is getting antsy.

 **[To: Alec, 12.03 a.m.]** I’d like that too. This weekend?

 **[To: Magnus, 12.04 a.m.]** I’m free on Sunday.

 **[To: Alec, 12.04 a.m.]** Me too. 

**[To: Magnus, 12.06 a.m.]** Lunch/dinner?

 **[To: Alec, 12.08 a.m.]** Dinner sounds good. Would you like to come over and use my kitchen? 

Alec can’t help but smile. He’s already planning recipes in his head.

 **[To: Magnus, 12.10 a.m.]** Sure. You'd better buy ingredients though. I remember you saying the contents of your fridge and cabinets are shameful.

 **[To: Alec, 12.12 a.m.]** Just send me a list of stuff I need to get.

The text is accompanied with a wink emoji and Alec feels a little confused. Is that supposed to be a euphemism for something? Does Magnus expect Alec to ask for something kinky as well? They’ve not done anything beyond that first kiss; is this Magnus’s way of telling him they might be doing something – _more_ – on Sunday?

 **[To: Magnus, 12.15 a.m.]** Will do.

He sends the text, still thinking about the emoji. Perhaps he should ask Magnus?

 **[To: Alec, 12.17 a.m.]** Thank you, darling, for distracting me today. 

Okay, perhaps the emoji was just an emoji. A change of subject probably means there was nothing more to it. Otherwise, Magnus would probably have flirted a bit more. Alec remembers how direct and open Magnus is and feels like perhaps he’s right. Magnus really had just been asking for a list of ingredients.

 **[To: Magnus, 12.20 a.m.]** No problem. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

 **[To: Alec, 12.21 a.m.]** Fingers crossed.

 **[To: Magnus, 12.23 a.m.]** I'm off to bed now. Sleep well, Magnus.

 **[To: Alec, 12.24 a.m.]** You too, Alexander. Good night.

Alec sets the phone on his nightstand and lies down, closing his eyes. He’s more than a little excited to cook for Magnus and see what he thinks of his food. And he’s especially excited that he gets to see Magnus’s apartment and possibly make out with him some more.


	9. oh, show me your love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I think,” Raphael pauses for emphasis, pouring himself a glass of whiskey from Magnus’s drinks trolley, “you’re seeing somebody.” 
> 
> “What? No,” Magnus waves off the suggestion as if it’s ridiculous. “That’s insane.” 
> 
> “I’m not stupid, Magnus,” Raphael smirks, sipping at his drink. “You’re acting exactly like you did when you first met Camille.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry guys, there's a bit of angst in this and in the next chapter hehe forgive me i promise there's some good stuff coming up VERY SOON

On Friday morning, after complete radio silence from Alec for a full 24 hours, Magnus’s phone buzzes with a bunch of texts, lighting up the screen and distracting everyone at the meeting.

“Sorry,” he winces, realizing that he’d forgotten to put his phone on silent because he’d been waiting for Alec to text him the list of ingredients he’d promised. Or anything else, for that matter. They usually texted each other good night or something like that at least.

Raphael gives him a dirty look but Magnus waves it away and sneaks his phone under the table to take a look. One of the perks of being the boss is definitely being able to read his texts or take a random call in the middle of an important, but boring, meeting without anybody giving him crap for it.

He reads the list Alec has sent with increasing confusion and then zones back in when Raphael clears his throat meaningfully. “Sorry, important client,” Magnus murmurs, putting his phone away and re-joining the conversation. He could interrogate Alec later.

Unfortunately, he doesn’t get a chance to get away from work until lunch break and even then, Raphael and a few others persuade him into going out with them. He agrees, slightly unwillingly, but tells them he’ll meet them at the bistro they’ve decided on instead of driving with them.

In the back of his own car, finally away from everyone, Magnus texts Alec back.

 **[To: Alec, 1.10 p.m.]** So, I already know you’re making me those potatoes but for the life of me, I can’t figure out what the rest of the ingredients are for.

 **[To: Alec, 1.11 p.m.]** Mince, green chillies, kidney beans? What are you planning, Alexander?

He waits eagerly for a reply but perhaps Alec is in class or sleeping because he doesn’t text back until Magnus is done with his lunch and back at the office, doing some mind-numbingly boring administrative stuff.

 **[To: Magnus, 3.06 p.m.]** Keep guessing, because I’m not telling you anything ;)

Magnus smiles at the wink emoji and types back a reply immediately, ignoring the various forms scattered over his desk.

 **[To: Alec, 3.07 p.m.]** You’re cruel.

 **[To: Magnus, 3.08 p.m.]** It’s a surprise!

 **[To: Alec, 3.08 p.m.]** Just joking. I can’t wait.

And it’s true, really. He can’t wait. Not just because he’ll get to spend more time with Alec, but also because his takeout has been tasting extremely bland recently and he’s dying for a good, home-cooked meal.

 **[To: Magnus, 3.10 p.m.]** Me either :)

 **[To: Magnus, 3.10 p.m.]** By the way, you’re not allergic to anything are you? Any dietary restrictions?

 **[To: Alec, 3.12 p.m.]** None whatsoever. I will eat anything and everything.

 **[To: Magnus, 3.13 p.m.]** Great. That makes my job easier.

“What are you smiling at?” Raphael’s voice cuts through Magnus’s thoughts and he jumps a little, dropping his phone into his lap and hurriedly picking up the sheaf of papers closest to him on the desk.

“Hm? Smiling?”

“You’ve been acting a little weird lately,” Raphael continues, stalking into the room in that silent, slightly creepy way of his. “You keep checking your phone every two seconds and you smile like an idiot whenever you do.”

“I’m just – watching cat videos,” Magnus lies, not very convincingly.

“I think,” Raphael pauses for emphasis, pouring himself a glass of whiskey from Magnus’s drinks trolley, “you’re seeing somebody.”

“What? No,” Magnus waves off the suggestion as if it’s ridiculous. “That’s insane.”

“I’m not stupid, Magnus,” Raphael smirks, sipping at his drink. “You’re acting exactly like you did when you first met Camille.”

The mention of Camille’s name is like a bucket of icy water falling on Magnus unannounced. In the wake of the extremely messy and nasty break-up, he tends to forget the time period when he and Camille were still in their cant-keep-their-hands-to-themselves, honeymoon phase. It seems impossible that such a phase had even existed. To be reminded of it now is the worst thing.

“I’m not seeing anybody,” Magnus tells him in clipped, brusque tones. “And even if I was, it is none of your business.”

“It _is_ my business if you’re forgetting about your work because of this new person,” Raphael waves a hand at the mess on Magnus’s desk and downs his whiskey. “Magnus, I know you’re distracted but remember what happened to you before and please, do things differently this time.” Before Magnus can formulate a response, Raphael continues, a little gentler now. “I can see that you’re happy. I haven’t seen you smile this much ever since, you know. But be careful, okay?”

Magnus nods curtly and turns to his laptop, hoping Raphael takes it as his cue to leave. He does, exiting the office a minute later.

 _Fuck_ , Magnus swears in his head. Unwarranted as they were, Raphael’s words were like a reality check. He’s going too fast, too much too soon. He’s involving Alec in too many spheres of his life. If he’s letting it affect his work, well, that’s never a good sign. Now that he’s been reminded of Camille, the memories come rushing back like a dam gate has burst. He remembers how she’d been so sickly sweet just before it had happened, how he’d almost, _almost_ signed off the shares to her, how close he’d come to losing nearly everything.

Magnus knows he has to reign it back. Alec needs to be just good company and sex. Nothing more, nothing less. He has to keep himself in check and not let himself grow too attached. They have a contract after all, and it’s there to keep both of them safe. Magnus sighs and puts his phone on silent, resolving to make a good enough dent in the work that he’s been avoiding before he goes home tonight.

*

Sunday rolls around and Magnus is trying to put away the groceries Alec had asked for when his doorbell rings. He lets his housekeeper answer it instead of rushing over himself and only turns around when he hears Alec’s footsteps stop at the doorway to the kitchen.

“Good evening, Alexander. I have everything you asked for,” Magnus smiles, indicating the groceries, some still on the kitchen counter, some put away haphazardly into the cupboards.

“Hey,” Alec replies, apparently too shocked at the size of Magnus’s kitchen to do say anything else. “This is the biggest kitchen I’ve ever seen. You could fit my whole apartment in here.” He walks over to Magnus, gives him a quick peck on the cheek before setting down the smaller bag of groceries he’s brought along himself.

Magnus clears his throat and takes a step back. “That doesn’t matter if it’s hardly ever used,” he shrugs, busying himself with more grocery bags, unpacking a bunch of spices and vegetables.

“Tragic,” Alec remarks, unearthing a huge pot from his bag and setting it on the counter. “But I’m here now.”

“You’re here now,” Magnus repeats softly, almost to himself.

“Would you like to watch while I cook? Perhaps you can pick up a thing or two,” Alec asks, his eyes teasing.

Magnus laughs a little and agrees. He didn’t really plan for what he’d do while Alec cooked, but watching him seems like a more than okay option. In less than five minutes, Alec has organized everything that was in the bags so that it’s all lined up in neat rows on the counter tops in a system only he understands. Magnus pours himself a glass of red wine and hops up on a barstool by the island, watching curiously.

“So, I’ll start with the potatoes,” Alec says, slightly nervously, possibly because of how intensely Magnus is watching what he’s doing. “We wash them and peel them, like so. And then I’ll cut them into very thin slices, like this.”

Magnus watches as Alec carefully slices two potatoes. “Can I try?”

“Sure,” Alec hands over the cutting board and the knife and guides his hands a little. Magnus tries his best but the slices are coming out a little thicker and wonkier than Alec’s were.

“Um, try to slice them evenly or they won’t cook through properly,” Alec hovers. Magnus lets go of the knife a little sheepishly. Apparently he’s not cut out for this. Or it’s just a lack of practice.

“No worries, you can cut up the green chillies while I do these,” Alec tells him, not judging him one bit, as he takes the potatoes back and cuts them up expertly. Magnus smiles and reaches for the bowl of chillies. “It’s two chillies per potato and then one extra overall, for luck.”

“That’s oddly specific,” Magnus comments, raising an eyebrow as he counts out the required number of chillies and lines them up on another cutting board. This is a much easier task since the chilies don’t need to be cut up in any particular way.

“Cooking is all about these secret, and frankly baseless, rituals,” Alec laughs. He’s finished slicing the potatoes and is now putting them in a bowl of water. “I’m going to put these in here for a bit so they don’t turn brown.” He turns on the stove, searches for a saucepan and places it on one of the burners, adding a bit of olive oil to the base. Magnus, who is still chopping up the chillies, is amazed at the speed at which Alec is going. Or perhaps it’s Magnus who is slow.

“Mm, that smells delicious. What is that?” Magnus asks, sniffing. It’s not a familiar smell but it’s rich and complex and his mouth is watering a little bit.

“Some garlic and coriander seeds,” Alec replies, taking the chopped-up chillies that Magnus is offering and adding them to the pan as well. “And now we’ll add the potatoes and that’s basically it.”

“Really?” Magnus asks, incredulously. “That’s barely four ingredients.”

“Told you it’s the simplest thing ever,” Alec smiles, covering the saucepan with its lid. “Now we just have to wait for the potatoes to cook through. It usually takes around twenty-five to thirty minutes.”

“I’m impressed,” Magnus says honestly.

“Let’s move on to the next dish,” Alec winks.

“Will you tell me what it is now?”

“It’s a surprise, remember?” Alec reminds him, doing something with small bits of bacon. “Come here and stir this while I do other things.” He waves Magnus over and hands him the big, wooden spoon. Magnus obeys, curiously watching Alec as he cuts up some onions, bell peppers and tomatoes.

“Okay, this is done,” Alec declares, peering into Magnus’s pot and taking the spoon from him. “Now we’ll drain the fat from this by putting it on the tissue paper like this.” He arranges all the bacon bits on a plate covered with a layer of kitchen tissue.

Magnus watches, mesmerized as Alec expertly tosses into the now-empty pot the chopped-up vegetables and several teaspoons of various spices that make Magnus’s nose tingle a bit. “I think I know what you’re making,” he smiles, crossing his arms.

“Oh yeah?” Alec asks, looking up from where he’s measuring out a cupful of kidney beans.

“Chilli,” Magnus says confidently.

“How’d you guess?” Alec’s face is slightly disappointed but also amused.

“I googled it after you told me about the other day and so far, this recipe is pretty much the same as the ones I read online.”

Alec pauses in his bean-measuring and looks at him with a smirk. “Okay, so you know what I’m going to do next?”

“I know you’re going to add the mince and the beans and have some time for a bit of wine while the chilli and the potatoes cook,” Magnus answers playfully.

Alec finishes doing what Magnus is narrating and pretends to frown. “My plans are foiled.”

“I’m a smart man,” Magnus winks. “Wine?”

“Please,” Alec agrees. Magnus hands him the glass and they head to the couch in the living room.

“This place is lovely, by the way,” Alec tells him as they settle down. Magnus sits sideways on the couch so he’s facing Alec, but also because the position ensures they don’t get too close too easily. Raphael’s words are still ringing in his mind.

“Thank you,” Magnus raises his glass to Alec’s. “So, tell me how your week was,” he prompts. “I know you cooked for Izzy on Wednesday but how is everything else? How are classes?”

“Mm, it’s been a pretty boring week, actually,” Alec shrugs. “Some of my classes got cancelled so Lydia and I holed up in the library and finished off some papers and things.”

“Lydia?” Magnus asks. This is someone Alec hasn’t mentioned yet.

“Oh, yeah. She’s my best friend outside of my siblings,” he pauses for a second. “We actually dated briefly.”

“Oh?” Magnus smiles.

“Yeah, back in high school. Before I realized I was gay.”

“She took it well?”

“Very,” Alec smiles. “Said she still loved me and cared about me. We’d been best friends already and we went back to being just that.”

Magnus hums a little as he finishes off his wine. “May I ask you a personal question?”

Alec nods. “Sure.”

“Are you out to your parents?”

Alec sets down his wine glass on the low coffee table and laughs dryly, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Well, not really. I mean, I barely see my dad anymore and I wouldn’t ever want to tell him. I’m _pretty_ sure my mom knows after she caught me with this guy in my room two years ago, but she never mentioned it to me or talked to me about it.”

“What were you doing?” Magnus asks curiously.

“Just hugging him,” Alec replies, smiling ruefully. “But not like, a hug I’d give Jace, for example.”

“Oh,” Magnus responds.

“What about you? Are you out? To people in your firm?” Alec asks, changing the subject.

“I am,” Magnus answers, pouring himself some more wine. “I’m openly bisexual. I came out before my business got too big because I didn’t want to, like, become super successful and _then_ have people find out about my sexuality. I wanted it to be a clear part of me from the very beginning.”

“Mmm,” Alec hums.

They’re still not touching and Magnus wishes they were. He reaches out to pat Alec’s knee and tilts his head. “Should we go check on the food?”

“Yes,” Alec nods, getting up with him.

Both dishes are ready and as Magnus sets the table, Alec plates up. The presentation is fancy and impressive and once again, Magnus finds himself wishing Alec would use his talents and take this up professionally. He clearly has a knack for it. The food tastes as good as it looks and Magnus almost moans as he takes the first few bites. Alec smiles happily, watching him eat with a proud expression on his face.

The conversation turns to Catarina and Izzy and how medical school is the toughest thing; Alec tells him about Jace’s gym and fitness centre and Izzy’s crush on a cute bartender and before they know it, the food is almost gone and Magnus feels more satisfied than he has in a long while. He offers to clear up while Alec goes to stretch his legs on the balcony off the dining room.

“More wine?” Magnus asks, joining him after he’s done putting the dishes in the dishwasher. Alec turns, holding out his empty glass with a smile. In the dim lighting, he looks truly breath-taking. Magnus’s skin itches.

“This view is amazing,” Alec murmurs as Magnus comes up to stand next to him.

“It is,” Magnus agrees.

“I had a really fun time tonight,” Alec ducks his head and admits.

“As did I,” Magnus smiles. “Your food is heavenly. I hope you’ll cook for me again someday.”

“Any time,” Alec replies quietly, sincerely, moving a tiny bit closer. “Magnus?” he asks after a minute.

“Alexander?”

“Can I kiss you again?” Alec asks, looking a little hesitant. Magnus knows he hasn’t been flirting at all nor has he initiated any contact all night, so it makes sense Alec is a little confused. He sets his glass down on the table behind him and takes Alec’s from him to put down as well.

Turning back towards Alec, he steps closer and reaches up to the back of his neck, pulling him in. “Yes,” he murmurs, almost against Alec’s lips. Alec doesn’t need anything else; he pulls Magnus in his arms and kisses him with a soft sort of urgency that lets slip how much he’d probably wanted to do this all night. Magnus lets himself melt into the kiss, not caring about how Alec’s hands are sliding lower down his back. It feels good and Magnus hasn’t felt good in a long time.

But then Alec’s tongue is in his mouth and the way he’s biting at Magnus’s bottom lip is making Magnus moan softly. He breaks away, sighing silently and smiling a little sadly at Alec. “Darling, is it okay if we take it a bit slow?” He _does_ want this but he needs to sort out his feelings about Camille first. Damn Raphael for opening a door he never wanted to open ever again.

“Of course,” Alec leans away and lets go of Magnus’s waist. “Not a problem,” he smiles gently.

“You’re amazing and I love making out with you but I want us to take our time. Rushing brings me nothing but pain, or so I’ve noticed,” Magnus tells him, remorsefully. “And once I get my hands on you like that, I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep them off,” he adds, winking suggestively.

Alec groans weakly. “You can’t just say things like that, Magnus.” 

“Apologies, Alexander,” Magnus’s tone is cheeky. They smile at each other and Alec leans in to brush his lips gently across his cheek.

“I have an early class tomorrow, so I’d better leave,” Alec says. Magnus nods and walks him back to the kitchen where he picks up his things. A few minutes later, Alec is gone and Magnus is all alone again. He sighs and sinks into the couch once again, staring moodily at the blank TV screen in front of him.

Alec is not Camille. He’s sweet and kind and he clearly cares about his friends and family. But he’s also not Magnus’s boyfriend. Magnus shouldn’t be prioritizing Alec over work and his own life and friends. He’s paying Alec for a specific thing and that’s all he can ask him for. Magnus sighs again, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back.

It’s probably best if he stopped contacting Alec all the time, every day. Most people in arrangements like theirs met up once a week, at most; he knows this because he’d looked through many forum posts and websites before he’d drawn up the contract. Seeing Alec too regularly was not a good idea. Fortunately, there’s a couple of business trips coming up that Magnus can use as an excuse and get back on track. He resigns himself to a week of travelling back and forth; at least the total exhaustion might distract him, right?


	10. there's no sunshine...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [To: Magnus, 11.41 a.m.] Sorry I haven’t been taking your calls or answering texts. It’s an absolute mess here right now. Talk to you when you’re back?
> 
> Alec sends off the text, feeling inexplicably guilty. He’d missed two calls from Magnus in the past three days and hasn’t even had time or the energy to reply to his texts asking if things are okay. He really hopes Magnus doesn’t think he’s been ignoring him on purpose or trying to hint that he wants to end things. It’s bad enough that everything else in his life is falling apart. He doesn’t want to lose Magnus’s company and his support either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST OF ALL!! huge huge HUGE shout-out to Melly_MalecFan for leaving such lovely, delightfully long comments on all the chapters of this fic. you literally made my day!!! tysm <3 
> 
> secondly, sorry for the wait for this chapter! it turned out to be so long, i kept putting it off and eventually, decided to cut it up into two separate chapters. which brings me to my next point: so far, each chapter has been alternating between alec and magnus's POV. but because this was becoming too long, this chapter AND the next chapter will be both alec's POV. chapter 12 will then be Magnus. 
> 
> hope y'all like this one hehehehe

What with his exams and Magnus’s various business trips, Alec doesn’t get to see him a lot over the next few weeks. This is fine by Alec because he has a lot on his plate already: Jace fell for a new girl and had his heart broken, Izzy got a bad grade on a major test and was feeling extremely disheartened and their mother was trying to interfere in their lives more than usual, with the same lack of tact she always displayed. To top it all off, their father wanted to have a family dinner and see all his kids again. Alec had dug his nails into his palms so hard when he heard _that_ news, he’d left half-moon shaped cuts on his hands.

 **[To: Magnus, 11.41 a.m.]** Sorry I haven’t been taking your calls or answering texts. It’s an absolute mess here right now. Talk to you when you’re back?

Alec sends off the text, feeling inexplicably guilty. He’d missed two calls from Magnus in the past three days and hasn’t even had time or the energy to reply to his texts asking if things are okay. He really hopes Magnus doesn’t think he’s been ignoring him on purpose or trying to hint that he wants to end things. It’s bad enough that everything else in his life is falling apart. He doesn’t want to lose Magnus’s company and his support either.

 **[To: Alec, 11.43 a.m.]** It’s okay, Alexander. Bit of a surprise, I know, but I am already back and currently in the neighbourhood. Can I come over?

Alec reads the reply with a mixture of relief, surprise and a little bit of excitement.

 **[To: Magnus, 11.44 a.m.]** Yes! I’m at home. Please come over.

He’d thought about going off to the Library for a bit to work on a presentation for the coming week, but he could easily put that off for later. Alec spins around suddenly, taking in the shoddy state of his apartment. He hadn’t exactly been prioritizing cleaning lately and nearly every flat surface of the room is covered in papers, empty ice cream tubs, the odd bit of laundry, a million and one pens, and the occasional take-out container. It’s an absolute mess and Magnus is arriving in just a few minutes.

 _Fuck_ , Alec swears to himself, hurriedly sweeping things off the couch and throwing a quilt on it to hide the few suspicious stains. The kitchen table gets the same treatment, and so does the living room floor. He piles the empty dishes in the sink and turns off the kitchen light just as the doorbell rings.

“Hey,” Alec grins, opening the door to reveal a very dapper looking Magnus, dressed in a peacoat like the one he’d bought Alec, but in a deep, emerald green. There’s soft green eyeshadow on his eyelids to match, and his nails are done in the same colour. Alec thinks perhaps his pants are glittery and sparkling, but before he can investigate, Magnus has swept him up in a hug, leaning away just enough to be able to kiss him.

“Mm,” Alec melts into the kiss. It’s been a while since they’ve seen each other, and Magnus’s mouth feels hungry on his – teeth nipping at his bottom lip in a rather delicious way.

“I missed you,” Magnus smiles softly as they break apart and Alec shifts so Magnus can come in.

“Me too,” Alec replies, feeling a little awkward. It’s not exactly the _truth_ but it isn’t a lie either. He’s been too busy to miss Magnus, but he _has_ thought about him – once or twice. Or maybe more. He didn’t keep count. All he knows is that it doesn’t feel like enough times to be able to make his ‘I missed you’ feel genuine. Luckily, Magnus doesn’t pick up on his inner turmoil.

“So – talk to me?” Magnus sounds hesitant, as if he’s not exactly sure whether he should be asking Alec about his mess of a week. “I mean, if you want.”

Alec chews on his bottom lip and is about to answer when his phone rings. He groans and takes it out of his pocket. It’s his mother. He presses reject and looks up again with an apologetic smile. “Sorry. Mom has been keeping more tabs on us than necessary lately. Parents, am I right?”

“I wouldn’t know,” Magnus smiles politely, making Alec’s stomach sink. _Shit, foster system_ , he thinks, too late. He really is losing it.

“Sorry,” he stammers, feeling awful. “I just –” His phone rings again.

“Perhaps it’s urgent,” Magnus says, looking slightly concerned. “Please take it.”

Alec swears under his breath and slides the green button across the screen to pick up. Magnus raises his hands in a ‘please take your time’ gesture and settles down on the couch Alec had cleared out minutes before.

“How’s your internship going?” His mother starts, without any semblance of a greeting whatsoever. Alec sighs and rolls his eyes. Maryse has never wasted time on small talk; she’s not going to start now.

“Hello, mother,” Alec says pointedly. “It’s going good.”

“What exactly is your position? I don’t believe you ever told me.” Alec supposes it’s his turn to be interrogated: Jace had already faced a lengthy and scary skype session where Maryse insisted on meeting his then-girlfriend and Izzy has received a disappointed lecture on her decision to go to medical school and how she isn’t even doing well.

Alec braces himself, looks at Magnus and mouths ‘sorry’ as he shuffles towards his bedroom. “I’m Magnus Bane’s PA.”

There’s a sharp intake of breath, a few seconds of silence and then his mother’s disappointed and confused voice washes over him. “A PA? Alec, didn’t you try for the finance department?”

Alec takes a deep breath and really hopes the story he hashed out in the beginning with Magnus will work. “I did, but Magnus took a liking to me and said he wanted to groom me himself. Plus, I get to see the inner workings of the entire company with this position.” He closes his eyes, crosses his fingers and waits.

A few seconds of silence later, his mother states the obvious. “I'm not very pleased, Alexander.”

“It really is better than interning for the finance department,” Alec argues, “Yesterday, I sat in on a very important international meeting.”

“But what sort of career prospects does this have? Nobody wants to hire an ex-PA,” she says it as if she’s saying ‘ex-con’. “I can’t believe you said yes without consulting me first.”

Alec lets out an irritated huff. “Mom, I’m old enough to make my own decisions now.”

“You’re a Lightwood, Alexander,” his mother replies disapprovingly. “You’re responsible for your family’s reputation.”

“And dad isn’t?” Alec says it without thinking. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

“Please look into other internships or talk to Mr. Bane about changing departments. I expect you will not still be a PA by the time I call you next week.” Maryse says curtly before hanging up, not giving Alec a chance to say anything else.

Alec curls his free hand into a fist and throws his phone on his bed. Conversations with their mother always make the Lightwood siblings feel like shit but nobody has it as bad as him, Alec reckons. Being the eldest child comes with its own set of expectations and pressures.

He sits down on the edge of his bed and leans forward, arms on his knees, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. Magnus is still waiting in the other room and Alec wants to calm down a little before he goes out to meet him properly.

But then a knock on his bedroom door announces Magnus’s presence. Alec looks up with a tired and sheepish smile. “Sorry about that.”

Magnus ignores it, a concerned look on his face as he takes a small step inside. “You okay?”

“Yes,” Alec waves it off, smiling a little wider now to prove it. “She didn’t take the whole PA thing so well though. Wants me to find another internship or shift departments or something.”

Magnus comes closer, almost in front of Alec now. He curls a hand around Alec’s cheek and tilts his head up, looking into his eyes searchingly. “And what do _you_ want?”

Alec leans into the touch and sighs. “I just want,” he starts, frustration clear in his voice, “Actually, it doesn’t matter,” he says, getting up and looking through his closet for a jacket. “Do you want to go out?”

“I’m here if you want to talk about it,” Magnus tells him. Alec nods in acknowledgment, pulling on the jacket. “And yes, I’d love to go out. Do you have somewhere in mind?”

“I do, actually. Are you allergic to animals of any sort?” Alec asks, picking up his phone and keys and following Magnus out.

“Um, no?” Magnus turns to look over his shoulder at Alec with a very confused and baffled look. Alec grins. “Where are we going exactly?”

“The animal shelter where Jace volunteers. I think I need some puppy cuddles.”

*

They reach the shelter and Alec makes a beeline for the back, where all the dogs and cats are. The girl at the front desk (she’s new; Alec thinks her name is Joyce) waves him in, smiling. Alec and Izzy are popular guests there, partly because of Jace and partly because they all love the dogs and cats there too much to stay away from them for too long.

“This is Mr. Snuffles,” Alec coos, kneeling in front of a cage with a golden retriever in it. Magnus peers in too, smiling. “He’s my favourite.”

Joyce unlocks the cage for them, and Mr. Snuffles comes bounding out, hugging Alec and licking him all over. Magnus laughs at the dog’s enthusiasm.

“Aren’t you an energetic beast?” He murmurs, scratching the dog behind its ears as Alec looks on, grinning.

“Come on,” Alec says to the dog, putting him on a leash. “Want to go for a walk?” At the word ‘walk’, the dog goes even more berserk. After Joyce okays it, Alec and Magnus head out with him for a quick trip round the block.

“You don’t seem like too much of a dog person,” Alec observes, looking at Magnus.

“You got me,” Magnus laughs, a little embarrassed. “I must admit, I’m rather fond of cats.”

“Huh,” Alec replies.

“I rather liked the look of the majestic black and white tom next to Mr. Snuffles’ cage,” Magnus continues.

“Oh, that’s Chairman Meow,” Alec laughs.

“Oh my,” Magnus giggles; it’s a delightful sound. “How absolutely charming.”

“I think he’s up for adoption, actually,” Alec says after they’re done giggling over the ridiculous name. Personally, Alec thinks its suits the cat. He’s rather stately and imposing and won’t even give you the time of day if he’s not in the mood for company.

“Oh, really?” Magnus looks curious.

“Yep. I don’t think he’s done with his shots yet but if you really want him, you can finalize paperwork today and pick him up whenever he’s done.”

Magnus smiles fondly to himself. Alec finds the tiny upturn of his lips rather endearing. “I think I’d like that,” Magnus murmurs.

“Awesome,” Alec replies.

They‘re back at the shelter and as Alec goes to the back to lock up Mr. Snuffles and say goodbye, Magnus waits by the front desk and fills out the paperwork with Joyce. He enters the back once he’s done and comes up to Chairman’s cage, smiling.

“I can’t wait to take him home,” Magnus says, fingers pressed up against the bars as Chairman continues to sleep soundly, curled up into a tight ball.

“I’m no cat,” Alec smiles, getting up and snaking an arm around Magnus’s waist. “But today, perhaps you could take me home instead.”

Magnus smirks, looking up at him with a raised eyebrow. “I think that is an acceptable alternative.”

*

“Coffee?” Magnus offers upon entering his huge, penthouse suite. “Tea? Something to eat?” He tugs off his jacket and when he turns around, Alec is there, hands holding onto his elbows, grinning.

“No, I just really want to kiss you,” Alec murmurs, leaning in, eyebrow raised questioningly. Magnus smiles back and leans in, closing the gap between them.

Kissing Magnus makes all of Alec’s worries disappear, almost like he and Magnus are the only people in the world. He gives into the soft press of tongue, the small hums of pleasure and the hands scrabbling for purchase on his belt loops and forgets all about Jace’s heartbreak, Izzy’s bad grade and his mom’s incessant interrogations. At that moment, it’s just him and Magnus and that’s all that really matters.

Walking backwards, Magnus guides them towards the living room, where he falls backwards onto the couch, pulling Alec along with him. They giggle as they untangle their limbs and resume tugging on each other’s clothes. Before Alec knows it, he’s shirtless. So is Magnus, now that he thinks about it. Alec has been running his hands absently up and down smooth muscle without even realizing it.

“May I?” Magnus asks, fingers hovering over Alec’s zipper. Alec swallows and nods, his skin buzzing.

Magnus unzips his jeans with one hand while he works on his own pants with the other. Soon, they’re both in their underwear, with Magnus now perched in Alec’s lap. Alec tries to slow his breathing down.

“Mm,” Magnus hums against the side of Alec’s neck. “Can I leave a hickey?” He whispers, his fingers slipping beneath Alec’s waistband to touch his cock.

“God, yes,” Alec half-moans.

Magnus sucks at a spot on Alec’s neck and then bites down a little, his lips curling into a smirk when Alec arches his back.

“Fuck,” Alec says, eloquently. He shifts the hand on Magnus’s back to his front, finding the impressive bulge in his boxers and teasingly brushing his palm against it. It’s Magnus’s turn to moan.

A few seconds later, Alec has both their cocks in his hand and Magnus has unearthed some lube from between the couch cushions. “Always prepared,” he grins when Alec sends him a questioning look.

“Mm, _fuck_.” Magnus’s hands come up to rest on Alec’s shoulders and his head falls back as Alec takes the both of them in his hand and starts to jerk them off. “Mm, that feels good. Don’t stop.”

Alec grunts as he quickens his movements, twisting his hand in the way he likes it. Apparently, it’s doing it for Magnus as well, going by the small noises he’s making. His skin glistens with a soft sheen of sweat and Alec stares at the bow of his neck, entranced at the way his Adam’s apple bobs. “Fuck, Magnus, you’re so pretty.”

“Oh, _Alexander_ ,” Magnus shudders, spilling all over Alec’s hand. The way he says his name, the vowels all stretched out and in a tone of utter bliss, makes Alec come too. Magnus laughs, panting, and reaches for some tissues to clean them off.

Alec leans in for a kiss, mouth lazily brushing against Magnus’s. He feels too boneless to put any heat in it and they stay like that for a minute, curled into each other’s skin, the moment far too intimate than any they’ve shared before. Then Magnus peels off with a soft smile, reaching for his boxers. Alec does the same, heart still not back to its normal rate.

“Alexander,” Magnus pauses, as if searching for the right words. “We should get tested now.”

Alec swallows. Getting tested means moving onto oral and penetrative sex. Without condoms. Thank god he had just come, because just the thought of fucking Magnus, or Magnus fucking him, would probably be enough to start him off again.

“If you’re okay with no condoms, that is,” Magnus adds, apprehensively. They hadn’t spoken about this bit of the contract in much detail. “In any case, it’s good to get tested every now and then.”

“Yes, I agree,” Alec nods, pulling on his jeans and his shirt. They’re on opposite ends of the couch now. “And yes, we should get tested.”

Magnus smiles happily. Alec smirks. “I can’t wait to blow you.”

Magnus closes his eyes and groans. “Mm, fuck, don’t say things like that.” He shifts closer and then climbs onto Alec’s lap again, straddling him.

Alec leans in so that his mouth is next to Magnus’s ear. “Can’t wait to wrap my mouth around your cock and suck you off until you’re begging for release,” he whispers.

“Fuck, Alec.”

“I like it when you lose control,” Alec continues, palms running up and down Magnus’s biceps, touch feather-light and teasing. Magnus leans in for a kiss but Alec stops him barely centimetres away, grinning.

“Hmm,” Magnus smiles, slightly dangerously. “Don’t get used to it.”

Before Alec can reply or let Magnus kiss him, they’re interrupted by a phone ringing. It’s Magnus’s, stuck in between the couch cushions. He fished for it and smiles at the name on the screen. “Hold on, I have to take this,” he says to Alec, getting off his lap and walking out of the room, finger held up in the ‘I’ll just be a minute’ sign.

Alec slumps back into the couch, and closes his eyes, wondering who it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmm. who is the phone call from?? do i smell some trouble?? ;)


	11. ...there's no you and me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So, that phone call might interest you,” Magnus winks, pouring them some wine and handing a glass to Alec.
> 
> Alec raises an eyebrow in question. Whatever it is, Magnus is almost squirming with the news and his excitement is infectious.
> 
> “It was Xavier Tan, the head chef at Tan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't let the chapter title fool you!! it's just a continuation of the last chapter's title because this chapter is also a continuation of the last one, with Alec's POV once again.   
> there's a bit of angst in here but trust me, stuff will get resolved pretty quickly :p i'm a huge fan of fluff and don't want a lot of obstacles between these two lovebirds hehehe

While Magnus is off attending his phone call, Alec takes the opportunity to wander around the living room. It’s rich and luxurious, but not in an in-your-face, gold and glitter way. It’s subtle and understated, sparsely but tastefully furnished, with very fancy art and metallic hues everywhere. Alec feels a little sad, looking at it. There’s not even a single picture anywhere nor any semblance of a mess. It’s rather mechanical and lonely.

 _What a way to live_ , Alec thinks to himself, feeling a stab of pity for Magnus. _A huge apartment and you’re the only inhabitant_. Even when his parents were being assholes, Alec had always had a whole lot of family surrounding him. He remembers with fond exasperation the brief period of time when he and Jace had to share a room or when a nine year old Izzy had set her bed on fire and had to sleep in Alec’s while he crashed on the floor in a sleeping bag which was too small for him. He didn’t complain about it because he knew that if he did, Izzy would insist she take it instead. There were the times when Abuela would come stay over during the summers and he’d spend all his time with her in the kitchen, learning how to cook Latin dishes that even his mom didn’t know how to make.

The memories of his childhood are in stark comparison to Magnus’s current life and his bare bones, minimalistic but sleek and rich apartment. It seems like such a lonely way to live; Alec decides perhaps it’s time Magnus met Izzy and Jace. If he wants to, that is. There’s nothing in the contract about it as far as Alec remembers.

Just as he’s about to formulate a good enough way to ask him, Magnus walks back into the room, beaming. Alec smiles back too, feeling something unfurl slowly in his chest at seeing him so happy.

“So, that phone call might interest you,” Magnus winks, pouring them some wine and handing a glass to Alec.

Alec raises an eyebrow in question. Whatever it is, Magnus is almost squirming with the news and his excitement is infectious.

“It was Xavier Tan, the head chef at Tan.”

Alec pauses mid-sip, eyes widening. “Whoa! You know Xavier Tan?”

Alec has been to Tan only once, on Izzy’s twenty-first birthday when he and Jace had decided to splurge and spoil her, but it was, hands down, the best restaurant in the city as far as he’s concerned. Xavier Tan’s story, his utterly unique and original concept and his absolutely gorgeous plating had stolen Alec’s heart from the get-go. He’d dreamed about going there again several times, but it was so expensive, it was hard to justify the extravagance. _I could probably get Magnus to take me though_ , he thinks now, feeling oddly excited.

“He’s an old friend,” Magnus says casually, as if it’s no big deal. “He actually came over the other night, after you left. I offered him some of your leftover chilli and he really liked it and now he wants to offer you a job!”

Alec feels his heart drop and his hands started to feel cold and clammy. “What?”

“You’d be assistant chef!” Magnus exclaims, looking absolutely delighted with himself.

Alec opens his mouth; tries to find the words. He can’t meet Magnus’s eyes. “Magnus, this is…” His entire body feels like its being doused in ice water.

Magnus finally senses something is wrong. He sets his glass down on the table and steps closer, hesitant. “Did I overstep?”

“Massively,” Alec exhales, hands curling into fists. To have an opportunity like this dropped in his lap, when he knows he can’t take it, can’t even _think_ about taking it – the unfairness of it all is too much to bear.

“Oh,” Magnus says, small and deflated.

“I didn’t ask for you to get me a job,” Alec says, trying to keep his voice level and unemotional. “I’ve told you multiple times I want to pursue finance. I’m in grad school for that right now!”

“But food is your passion, Alexander,” Magnus reminds him quietly.

All the warm feelings in his chest, all the concern for Magnus and his lonely life seems to have disappeared. All Alec can think about now is how much it hurts for him to be _this_ close to something he so _desperately_ wants to grab onto. “You have no right to decide what I should or shouldn’t pursue.”

Magnus’s voice is absolutely heartbroken when he replies a few seconds of silence later. “I’m sorry, Alec. It was never my intention to dictate what you should or shouldn’t do. I just wanted you to have another option, if you wanted.”

Alec breathes in and out, trying to calm himself down. He needs to get out of here, he needs to think and possibly punch something. “You should’ve asked me before you did any of this,” he says, raising his head to look Magnus right in the eye. “I think I need to leave now.”

“I really am sorry,” Magnus repeats, looking devastated at the turn of events.

“I need some time,” Alec says, brushing past him without another look.

He leaves the apartment, completely forgetting about Roy waiting for him, and starts walking aimlessly. His brain is a buzz of white noise and he knows he should get home, call Izzy or Jace and talk it out but at that moment, nothing seems to make sense. Fuck Magnus for showing him just how much he wants this. Alec’s head is pounding.

For nearly half an hour, Alec walks and when he finally is calm enough and feels himself slowing down, he finds himself across the road from Tan. He looks at the glass façade, the familiar script of the name and the myriad of lush, green plants outside and feels a dull ache somewhere in his chest. To think he could be assistant chef here. It’s ridiculous and unfair and Alec turns away, hand scrubbing over his face as he makes his way back home.

*

Alec wakes up the next morning, feeling only slightly better. His stomach growls; he hadn’t had the energy to make himself dinner or anything the night before and had fallen asleep without eating. He rolls over and takes his phone off charging, checking the time.

 _Fuck. It’s 8.45 a.m. already_. He’s already missed the first 15 minutes of his class; there’s no point in trying to make it to the last half of it. He sends a text to Lydia, telling her to make notes for him as well. She’s getting a bit suspicious about the number of times he’s asked her to cover for him lately and he knows he’s going to have to tell her _something_ soon. Obviously not all of it but some of it, at least. As he’s about to close the messages app, he notices there’s a text from Magnus.

 **[To: Alec, 1.42 a.m.]** I am truly sorry, Alexander. Please text me back soon.

Alec doesn’t reply, not yet. He still feels angry and upset and he doesn’t want to argue with Magnus anymore. He has to talk to someone else first. Preferably Izzy, rather than Jace. He loves them both equally, but Izzy has a significantly better ability to empathize and not crack jokes throughout.

Izzy doesn’t answer her phone, though, so he guesses its Jace’s turn.

“What’s up, shitface?” Jace greets him when Alec walks into the gym. It’s crowded with the usual midday rush of single moms who flirt ridiculously with any and every man they come across. Jace likes them because they make him feel good about himself, but Alec just finds them awkward and annoying. He brushes off a particularly eager one and stalks over to his brother, punching him in the shoulder in greeting.

Jace peers at him, concerned and then motions towards the back, where his office is. “You look like you need to rant.”

Alec rolls his eyes and is, as always, mildly surprised by his siblings’ ability to judge when he needs to talk and when he needs to be left alone to process stuff on his own. Jace leads the way to the tiny office which is covered in old pin-up posters, empty bottles of protein powder and a photograph of a redhead Alec has never seen before, sitting atop his desk in a silvery, very un-Jace like frame. He chooses to ignore it for now but makes a mental note to ask Jace about it later.

“Magnus got me a job,” Alec sighs, settling into the ratty old chair opposite the desk.

“Another one? How many jobs has this guy offered you?” Jace asks, starting to fiddle around with a rubber-band ball. He has never been able to sit still, and the habit has persisted well into adulthood.

“No, this is something else altogether. A job as an assistant chef.” Even saying the words makes the hurt flare up again.

“Oh. You want to cook for a living?” Jace stops fiddling for a minute and looks at Alec in confusion.

“I don’t!” Alec says, too quickly. “Well, I can’t,” he corrects himself. “I have to do finance. Mom is already disappointed in me being Magnus's PA.”

“Is that what you told her?” Jace waggles his eyebrows cheekily.

“Had to tell her something,” Alec shrugs. He sinks a little lower in his seat and sighs.

“So, you don’t want to do finance?” Jace asks, raising an eyebrow.

“I do,” Alec says, but there’s too much of a pause. The hesitation is crystal clear.

“Sure,” Jace rolls his eyes. Alec is starting to feel a little irritated at his nonchalance.

“I have no choice, okay? I’m the eldest. I can’t just go fuck off whenever I want and turn up months later and say I’ve opened a gym. I can’t be like you and Izzy.” The words come tumbling out, uncensored. A whole decade’s worth of hurt and feeling overwhelmed and finally, Alec couldn’t take it anymore. He loves his siblings but he’s so tired of supporting them, of fighting for them, when nobody does the same for him.

“Shit, man. I didn’t –” Jace tapers off, not even knowing what to say.

“Well, if you'd only get your head out of your ass,” Alec mutters without thinking. “Sorry, sorry. I don’t mean that.” He sighs and scrubs a hand over his face.

“No, you’re right. I’ve been too caught up in my own stupid shit,” Jace says, the regret clear in his voice. “You never make it look like you're hurting so I never thought otherwise.”

“Yes, well.” Alec doesn’t know what to say anymore. He feels empty and tired.

“I'm sorry, Alec.”

Alec nods. Jace fiddles with the rubber-band ball again. The silence is heavy and stifling but Alec doesn’t have the energy to break it or change topics or talk more about any of it.

“I think we should go talk to mom,” Jace finally blurts out a few minutes later. “We need to cut off that umbilical cord, man. She can’t control you forever.”

Alec snorts. “I very much doubt Maryse Lightwood would be okay with me besmirching the family name by taking on a service job like this,” he says sarcastically. There is no point in talking to their mother – Alec knows this as well as he knows the back of his hand. Maryse is an unwavering woman.

“Oh, come on,” Jace says, throwing the ball up in the air and failing to catch it.

“Seriously, Jace,” Alec replies, sighing loudly. “It’s been two years since she walked in on me with Raj and she _still_ hasn’t said a word.”

“You were just hugging him though, weren't you?”

“Yeah,” Alec says dryly. “With my hands under his shirt and my mouth on his neck.”

Jace’s eyes widen in response.

“She did give me the cold shoulder for a long time after that so I’m pretty sure she knows, but she's probably just denying it because accepting it would mean I’ve disappointed her and there's no hope left for me,” Alec continues. “And if there's one thing mom still has, its hope.”

Jace looks genuinely remorseful. “Alec, I’m so sorry.” He really has no idea of how much pressure Alec has been under, constantly.

Alec curls his hands into fists in frustration. “She goes easy on you because you’re the youngest one,” Alec bites out. He doesn’t say it’s also partly because he’s not biologically related to them and has never taken on their Lightwood name. That’s his mother’s bias. To him and Izzy, Jace is their brother, no matter what.

“She goes easy on Izzy, well, relatively easy, because she doesn’t think Iz is strong enough or a good enough successor to the Lightwood name.” He continues, almost laughing. Izzy is the strongest of the three of them and their mother’s inability to see that is quite absurd. “Which only leaves me,” he concludes, quietly and with a lifetime’s worth of pain.

“Shit,” Jace murmurs, unable to say anything else.

“It’s always been like this, you're just never around to notice it,” Alec says, with a sigh.

“Fuck, Alec. I’m so sorry,” Jace says again. It’s not his fault though and Alec feels bad for dumping it all on him like this, out of the blue.

“It's fine,” he tells Jace. “You're my brother and I love you and I know you've had things going on.”

“It’s no excuse though,” Jace sounds annoyed at himself for not being there often enough.

“It's in the past,” Alec says, waving it away. He’s really not mad at Jace or Izzy. He’s just sad and frustrated at how his choices have been made and decided for him.

“So, what are you going to do now?” Jace turns the subject back to Magnus’s job offer.

Alec sighs and rubs at his face for the millionth time that morning. He’s still tired, even after a night’s sleep. _It’s probably not the kind of tiredness you can sleep off though_ , he thinks. “I’m going to talk to magnus and tell him it wasn’t his place to offer me this job.”

“And what about what _you_ want?” Jace reminds him quietly.

Alec wants to say yes to Magnus’s offer. He wants to quit business school. He wants to shout that he’s gay at his mom and force her to react to it. He wants to cut his dad out from his life and never see him again. He wants to see Jace and Izzy happy and safe. He wants – he wants something else he can’t name just yet.

“Honestly, I don’t know,” Alec says truthfully.

“Okay,” Jace nods, understanding. “I still think you should talk to mom, though. At some point. Izzy and I can be there with you.”

“I'll think about it,” Alec promises. Jace scoops up the rubber-band ball from the floor and sets it back on his desk, right next to the picture of the redhead. “Who’s that?” Alec finally asks, needing a distraction.

“Um, Clary,” Jace replies, looking guilty and entranced at the same time. Alec raises both his eyebrows. “I met her recently.”

“Yesterday, you mean?” Alec asks. “Because until day before yesterday, you were still heartbroken over the other girl whatshername?”

“Um, yeah. We met at the bar yesterday.”

“And you have her picture on your desk today? Has it even been 24 hours, Jace?” Alec sighs.

“She’s different!” His brother protests. Alec nods along and gives up. Its no use interrogating Jace about his million and one girlfriends. He says the same thing about each of them.

“Okay, I’m going to head out,” Alec says, standing up and reaching for his jacket.

“Don’t go to Magnus just yet, yeah?” Jace tells him, going in for a quick hug. “Wait a bit and sort out your feelings a bit more.”

“Thanks, Jace,” Alec murmurs. They’re not very vocal about their relationship usually but he hugs Jace a second longer than he usually does, trying to convey how grateful he is.

“Any time,” Jace punches his shoulder again. _Ah, there it is. Can’t handle too much emotion, that one,_ Alec thinks fondly as he leaves.

Later that night, after Alec is back from a very vigorous run around Central Park, his phone buzzes with texts. He pauses between his dinner and reaches for it. They’re all from Izzy.

 **[To: Alec, 7.49 p.m.]** Hey. Jace told me about today. I’m so sorry Alec.

 **[To: Alec, 7.49 p.m.]** I agree with him. We should all go talk to mom. This is so unfair on you. Enough is enough really.

 **[To: Alec, 7.49 p.m.]** I love you so much, big bro. Please text or call whenever you can.

Alec smiles at his phone, feeling a little overwhelmed. He’s still not totally convinced they should talk to their mom but he’s really glad he has so much support. Now all he really needs to do is talk to Magnus. Hopefully, things between them won’t be soured by this one thing. He enjoys Magnus’s company a lot and his intentions were good, if a little inappropriate. Alec sighs and finishes up his dinner. He really has got to talk to Magnus soon.


	12. good or bad or how was i to know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus is at a business lunch when Alec texts him two days later. He smiles at the client he’s wooing, compliments the other one, shoots a glance at Raphael and excuses himself. In the restroom, he pulls out his phone hopefully, biting on his bottom lip. He’s been as patient as he can be, respected Alec’s need for space, but he can’t help but be worried about how things are between them now.
> 
> [To: Magnus, 1.34 p.m.] Hey. Can we talk?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys!! your comments on this fic are getting !! steadily !! longer !! AND I'M LOVING ALL THE ATTENTION. tysm tysm for leaving such detailed and lovely comments - y'all are SUPERSTARS. here's a super long chapter (well, longer than usual) to show my appreciation. without you guys, i probably would've given up on this fic halfway 
> 
> i saw that some of you were a bit frustrated with alec for overreacting in the last chapter, and i completely understand! boi freaked out real bad and it wasn't magnus's fault, poor thing. hopefully this chapter clarifies why alec did what he did - he's slowly getting better and standing up for himself more!!

Magnus is at a business lunch when Alec texts him two days later. He smiles at the client he’s wooing, compliments the other one, shoots a glance at Raphael and excuses himself. In the restroom, he pulls out his phone hopefully, biting on his bottom lip. He’s been as patient as he can be, respected Alec’s need for space, but he can’t help but be worried about how things are between them now.

 **[To: Magnus, 1.34 p.m.]** Hey. Can we talk?

Magnus lets out a slow breath. The text is doing nothing to soothe his nerves; a ‘can we talk’ can go either way.

 **[To: Alec, 1.42 p.m.]** Yes, of course. I can meet you after work today?

He waits a bit to see if Alec replies right away but he doesn’t and his clients and a very grumpy Raphael are waiting for him so Magnus sighs, tucks his phone back into his pocket and leaves the restroom.

It’s much later, when he’s writing a report in his office, that Alec finally texts back.

 **[To: Magnus, 3.49 p.m.]** Sure. There’s a bar nearby – Viola’s. Meet me there at seven?

Magnus hasn’t been to Viola’s before, but he’s heard about it. It’s quite close by – ten minutes on foot, three minutes by car. He pushes away the urge to overanalyse Alec’s choice of location; there’s nothing productive to be had there and he needs to finish this report on time.

 **[To: Alec, 3.52 p.m.]** See you then.

*

Magnus reaches early. It’s only 6.42 p.m. and there’s hardly any patrons. He makes his way over to the barstools and snags one that ensures his back is to the door. He doesn’t want to be looking up for Alec every two seconds.

“A martini please,” he says when the bartender asks. “Thank you.”

It’s a tiny little place but the décor betrays the regularity of its customers. There’s a million photographs tacked up all over one wall and behind the counter, with many people featuring in multiple photos. Most of them look like the aftermath of chugging contests or other such alcohol related competitions. Magnus peers around, wondering if Alec is any of them. This doesn’t seem like a place anyone would go to unless they’d been going to it their whole life. As it is, he’s getting some very curious stares from the few patrons who are there.

The bartender slides over the martini and Magnus thanks him again. It’s 6.49 p.m. The wait is torturous.

“Hi,” Alec’s voice startles him out of his thoughts a couple minutes later, his hand warm on Magnus’s back – the touch brief but deliberate.

“Hi,” Magnus replies, smiling a little as Alec sits down on the stool next to him. He orders a beer and then sneaks a glance at Magnus, looking a little apologetic.

They sit in silence for a few minutes, unsure how to start the conversation. Then Magnus breaks the ice, reaching out to place a hand on Alec’s arm. “I’m sorry I overstepped. I should have told you about it earlier.”

Alec shakes his head, biting at his lip. Magnus is confused.

“No, Magnus, _I’m_ sorry,” Alec starts, turning a bit so he’s facing Magnus fully. His hands come to rest on Magnus’s knees as he continues. “I overreacted. I’m sorry. You were just trying to help.” He sounds tired and he’s smiling but the corners of his mouth are turned down.

“You did kind of go off on me,” Magnus agrees, slightly cautiously. He’s not sure what’s going on – he had come to apologize for fucking up but surprisingly, Alec is taking the blame on himself too. It’s an entirely new concept for him – he’s always been the one apologizing to his partners. He’s always been made to feel like the one who is culpable.

“I know,” Alec says, looking gutted. “I’m sorry.” He pauses, trying to find the right words. “It’s just – when somebody offers you something you really, _really_ want, but can’t accept, for whatever reason – that’s the worst thing ever. It’s so much easier to blame the other person for even offering it in the first place, rather than blame yourself for being too much of a fucking coward to take what’s being given to you.”

Magnus opens his mouth to – he doesn’t know – protest? Explain? Sympathize? But Alec cuts him off before he can figure out what he’s going to say.

“I’m sorry for getting so angry at you. You just made it sound so simple – giving up grad school and taking up that assistant chef job. I wish it were that simple. My mother is an unforgiving, hard woman and I’ve been under her thumb for so long, I don’t even remember what it’s like to have choices of your own.”

Magnus reaches out to cup Alec’s cheek with one hand, feeling devastated. “I’m sorry, darling. I don’t know the full extent of how difficult your relationship with your mother is and I shouldn’t have presumed anything about it.”

“Not your fault,” Alec says quietly. His eyes still look troubled, but it’s not something Magnus can help him with. Alec’s battle with his mother is one he has to face alone.

“For now, I can’t take the job,” Alec sighs. “Maybe one day, when I’m a little braver. Or when I’ve talked to mom, at least,” he laughs at his own weak attempt at humour.

Magnus nods, rubbing his thumb across Alec’s cheekbone soothingly. “It’s okay. This wasn’t the only opportunity in the world. You’re so talented. There’s so much more in store for you.”

“Thank you, Magnus,” Alec smiles, leaning in for a soft, brief kiss. Magnus sighs into it and keeps cupping Alec’s cheek even when they break apart.

They turn back to their drinks then, sneaking glances at each other again and smiling fondly. Magnus is so glad to just be able to sit there, in this quirky little bar, with Alec, but there’s still something not quite resolved yet – still something missing. He clears his throat.

“So, what about us? Are we okay?” Magnus asks, unable to keep the hope out of his voice.

“Of course,” Alec smiles, raising his beer to him. Magnus clinks his martini glass against it and smiles back. He would’ve liked a longer answer, perhaps, but oh well. At least he still has Alec.

They finish their drinks and look around a little awkwardly. Magnus desperately wants to call it a day and ask Alec over.

“Shall we have another drink?” He asks instead. Alec hesitates.

“Um, I was actually thinking we could leave now,” he says, making Magnus’s hopes skyrocket. “Do you maybe want to come over?”

“Oh, Alexander, I thought you’d never ask,” Magnus sighs happily, grabbing his coat.

*

Back at Alec’s place, Magnus skips the small talk and the pleasantries and pushes Alec up against the nearest wall, kissing him until they’re both breathless. His fingers are hooked into the lapels of Alec’s jacket and his entire body is pressed up against Alec’s, needing the contact, the warm, solid feeling of him.

“Mm,” Alec hums as they break apart. “Are you hungry? I haven’t had dinner yet.”

Magnus straightens his shirt from where Alec has untucked a bit of the front and smiles brightly. “Let _me_ make something for you today.”

“I thought you didn’t know how to cook,” Alec says teasingly, leading the way to the kitchen and the living room.

“I know how to make one thing,” Magnus shrugs, taking off his coat and rolling up his sleeves as Alec looks on, an amused expression on his face.

“What’s that?”

“Surprise,” Magnus winks, stalking off to the kitchen and rooting about in his fridge and his cupboards for the ingredients. “So, tell me. How are classes and everything?”

Alec sinks into the couch and puts his feet up, stretching himself. He looks tired but content and Magnus can’t help the fond look that crosses his face. Alec doesn’t see though, because he’s closed his eyes and laid his head back on the arm of the couch.

“I have a really big test coming up,” he mumbles in reply. “Lydia is making flashcards and insisting we study together.”

“Good luck,” Magnus says. “I’ve been asked to give a guest lecture at Stern.”

“Really?” Alec opens his eyes and raises his head a bit, looking slightly excited.

“Yeah, next month. It’s for an undergraduate seminar though.” Magnus clarifies, trying to keep what he’s doing hidden from Alec because as soon as he sees the handful of ingredients on the counter, he’s going to figure out exactly what Magnus is making. And he really does want it to be a surprise.

“I think you could say anything, and people would hang onto every word,” Alec smiles. “You just have that charm.”

Magnus feels his heart stutter in his chest a bit. “Why, thank you.” The grilled cheese is almost done, and he slides it onto two plates, bringing them over to the couch. “Voila. This is the only thing I know how to make.”

Alec sits up, grinning widely when he sees what’s on the plates. “Grilled cheese? Always a classic.” He takes his plate and leans in to kiss Magnus on the cheek.

Magnus takes a seat next to him on the couch and waits anxiously for his approval. He’s not the best cook, these aren't the best grilled cheese sandwiches, but he really wants Alec to like them.

“Wow,” Alec murmurs a minute later, when he’s had his first bite. “These are really good, Magnus.”

“Thank you,” Magnus preens, starting on his grilled cheese now that he’s satisfied that Alec likes it.

“You made me think you were like Izzy in the kitchen but you’re actually quite good!”

Magnus smiles between bites, feeling extremely pleased. He can’t remember the last time he made grilled cheese for himself; it had never felt worth the effort. But today, cooking them for Alec, it felt worth every bit of effort and Magnus had actually enjoyed making them. It hadn’t felt like a chore. He finishes off the last of his and leans back with a content sigh.

“Wine? Coffee?” Alec asks, stacking up their empty plates together and getting up.

“Mm, red wine, please. If you have it,” Magnus says. “Thanks.”

“Coming right up,” Alec nods.

Magnus glances at his watch. It’s nearly 9 p.m. He wonders what the rest of the night has in store. Now that he’s with Alec, he doesn’t want to leave. Alec doesn’t seem to want him to leave either – surely, offering him drinks is a sign that he wants Magnus to stick around a bit more? Magnus’s thoughts flit to the test he has coming up – should he excuse himself and give Alec time to study for that? He’s still mulling over what he should do when Alec returns with two full glasses of wine.

“Wanna watch a crappy movie or something?” Alec suggests, looking a bit unsure of himself. Magnus’s hearts does jumping jacks and cartwheels in his chest.

“Sure,” he says, keeping his voice calm and casual. “Which one?”

Alec settles down next to him, shoulders brushing, as he pulls up his Netflix. “Hmm. What about this one?” He stops at _Set it Up_ and looks questioningly at Magnus.

The synopsis and the screencaps betray that it’s a classic rom-com and a rather cute looking one at that. “Not sure if that fits the bill for ‘crappy’, but sure,” Magnus smiles.

Alec laughs and presses play. For the first few minutes, they sit next to each other a little stiffly, sipping at their wine. Then Alec snuggles in a bit and casually drapes his arm across the back of the couch. Magnus smiles to himself and leans his head back until it’s resting on Alec’s bicep. After a few minutes, Alec shifts slightly, pulling Magnus even closer. With his head on Alec’s shoulder now, Magnus pulls up his knees and curls into Alec’s side. The dance is complete when Alec reaches for the quilt behind them and drapes it over their laps.

Magnus is barely paying attention to the take-out drama happening on the screen, too hyper-aware of how Alec’s hand is now curled over his shoulder. He can’t remember the last time he actually _cuddled_ with someone.

Alec, seemingly unaware of the chaotic mess of thoughts unfurling in Magnus’s brain, takes another sip of his wine and sets it down on the coffee table in front of them. The movement dislodges Magnus a bit but when Alec returns, his hand has slipped lower and is now around Magnus’s waist.

Magnus’s brain short-circuits.

He’s being _held_. He’s in Alec’s arms. He’s being held by Alexander Lightwood and it feels amazing.

Alec drops a tiny kiss in Magnus’s hair when the scene changes, and Magnus nearly passes out with the tenderness of the act. His emotions are swirling inside him like a tornado and he desperately wills Alec to be still and watch the movie because if he does anything else, Magnus will combust on the spot.

Fortunately, Alec doesn’t kiss him again or tighten his grip or move his hand for the next half an hour or so, during which Magnus finally gains control of his brain and his thoughts and focuses on the movie. Which is actually quite good and rather cute, like he’d predicted. He’s already fallen in love with the main character (Harper?) and he can see a bit of himself in the Lucy Lui character. The other boss seems like a dick though.

“Not so crappy after all, huh?” Alec says when they’re about halfway in and giggling every few minutes. Magnus hums in agreement and casually puts one of his hands on Alec’s thigh.

Alec’s grip on his waist tightens minutely but he lets a full scene go by before he acknowledges it, by slowly intertwining their fingers together.

On the screen, Harper and Charlie are eating pizza on the floor. The tension between them feels thick. Magnus wouldn’t be surprised if the movie pulled an almost kiss right then. He feels a little itchy, his skin buzzing with how he’s been pressed up against Alec for so long now, without either of them touching each other properly.

He tilts his face upwards, mouths slowly along Alec’s jawline, his other hand coming up to undo the first button of Alec’s shirt. Alec only smiles but doesn’t look away from the screen or touch Magnus back. Magnus licks a soft stripe on the side of Alec’s neck, wanting to tease a reaction out of him. His skin is salty, and he shudders involuntarily at the action but still doesn’t respond in the way Magnus needs him to.

This makes Magnus’s competitive spirit flare up. If Alec wants to play games, he’s down for that. For a few minutes, Magnus stops teasing, going back to his original position with his head on Alec’s shoulder.

Then, he inches his free hand slowly and gradually up Alec’s thigh. When he brushes his knuckles against Alec’s crotch, he finally gets a sharp intake of breath. He grins to himself and continues to inch upwards, working on Alec’s belt buckle. Tugging it out of its loops and discarding it somewhere on the floor, Magnus’s fingers then go to work on his zipper, pulling it down as Alec’s breathing grows more and more uneven.

“Fuck, Magnus,” Alec mumbles, finally looking away from the screen, down at Magnus. Tilting his chin up, Alec closes his mouth over Magnus’s and drags his tongue across Magnus’s teeth, pulling Magnus into his lap in the process.

Magnus shifts his hips, feeling Alec’s erection grow under his thigh. His skin is still buzzing with need and he curls his fingers in Alec’s hair as Alec’s mouth trails down the column of his neck and over his collarbones.

“Is this okay?” Alec asks, raising his head and looking into Magnus’s eyes. Magnus nods. _It’s more than okay_ , he wants to say. _Kiss me all over. Mark me. Make me yours._

They haven’t gotten around to getting tested yet, so blowjobs and sex aren’t possible, but Magnus needs a bit more than just Alec’s hand. The urge in him is too strong to just be satisfied with a hand job. He squirms in Alec’s lap when Alec’s hands fall to his waist and tug his shirt up, tickling his sides in the process.

“Sorry,” Magnus laughs. “Ticklish.”

“Cute,” Alec grins, his hands coming up to Magnus’s chest, his thumbs brushing against his nipples. Magnus sucks in a sharp breath and Alec looks at him with interest. “Sensitive?”

“A bit,” Magnus replies. He thinks about that one time in a sex club when he’d asked one of the guys to play with his nipples until he came. It’d been a long, intense orgasm. But Alec doesn’t need to know that – yet. Perhaps one day, when they’re a bit more familiar with each other’s bodies.

“Interesting,” Alec notes, moving on to his pants’ zip. Magnus lets him pull it down and then gets off his lap for a second to pull off the pants completely. Alec takes the opportunity to pulls his own jeans off too and then they’re both in their boxers. “Want to move to the bedroom?” Alec asks.

“God, yes,” Magnus agrees.

In his room, Alec turns on the lamp on his desk and gently pushes Magnus down on the bed, climbing up over him and leaning in for a kiss.

“How do you want to do this?” Magnus asks when they break apart. He’s nervous and doesn’t want to suggest what he has in mind. If Alec says they can use their hands, then he won’t complain.

“I wish we had gotten tested,” Alec murmurs, sitting up so he’s straddling Magnus’s hips, with his hands still resting lightly on Magnus’s abdomen. “I want to do so much with you.”

Magnus swallows. “I have an idea,” he starts, reaching for Alec’s hands and covering them with his own. “No pressure though.”

“Tell me.”

“If I lay on my stomach,” Magnus says, “You could fuck between my thighs and get yourself off like that.”

Alec sucks in a breath. “You want me to come all over the back of your thighs and on your ass?”

Magnus nods, his cock twitching at the image painted in his head at Alec’s blunt phrasing.

“What about you?” Alec asks, looking a little unsure.

“I’ll be pressed against the bed,” Magnus laughs. “Plenty of friction.”

“Are you sure?” Alec breathes, his fingers hooking into Magnus’s waistband, waiting to pull his boxers off. Magnus nods. There’s nothing more he wants right now. “Okay,” Alec says. “Okay,” he repeats, taking his underwear off too. Magnus barely gets a look at his very well-proportioned, quite pretty cock before Alec flips him over a little roughly.

Magnus’s face is pressed against Alec’s pillow and he breathes in, wanting to see what it smells like. There’s a faint scent of some flowery shampoo but before Magnus can identify which flower exactly, Alec’s cock pushes against the curve of his ass and he nearly moans. Alec pulls his ass cheeks apart a bit so that his cock drags deliciously over Magnus’s asshole.

“Alexander,” Magnus moans, thrusting his hips back involuntarily, his hole clenching on thin air. It’s been months since he’s been fucked, or even rimmed, and the few fingers he’s put up his ass in the shower sometimes is nothing compared to Alec’s cock dripping pre-come and slicking up his skin.

“Fuck, Magnus, you’re so gorgeous,” Alec mutters, starting to thrust into the soft gap between Magnus’s cheeks. With each slow, deliberate slide of his cock, Magnus can feel his asshole clench uselessly and pitifully. The pre-come is dripping slowly down the inside of his thighs, onto his balls and Magnus feels filthy and absolutely debauched.

“Faster, Alexander,” Magnus moans. Alec picks up speed obediently and his thrusts get sloppier. The movements cause Magnus’s cock to rut up against the sheets deliciously. It feels amazing but not enough. “Imagine you were actually fucking me,” Magnus says, voice stuttering. “Press me into the mattress, Alexander.”

One of Alec’s hand comes up to the nape of Magnus’s neck and he pushes on it, holding Magnus down as he quickens his pace even more, his cock now brushing roughly against Magnus’s asshole on every thrust.

“I’m close,” Alec mumbles after a minute, his movements growing erratic as he nears his orgasm and loses some of his coordination.

“Come on me, Alexander,” Magnus moans. “Come on my thighs.”

Alec groans as he comes and spills all over Magnus’s ass and thighs. Magnus squirms under his weight, feeling the mess on his skin trickle down his thighs. He hasn’t come yet, but he thinks a few thrusts into the mattress will do the trick, especially with the feel of Alec’s come all over him.

“God, Magnus,” Alec whispers as he regains some of his bearings and slips off Magnus. His hand slides lower, holding Magnus still as his other hand comes up to part his cheeks, revealing his asshole. Magnus feels himself turn a little red as Alec’s gaze burns into him. With just his cock pressing against his hole, it didn’t feel as intimate as it does now, with Alec caressing his ass and _looking_ at him like that.

Alec ignores Magnus’s squirming and presses a finger tip against his rim, pushing softly. The exquisite pressure and the intense feeling of being looked at is enough to make Magnus come undone at the seams. He comes with a shudder, his entire body shaking. It’s an intense orgasm – one that leaves him utterly boneless. He’s also made a mess of Alec’s sheets.

“Was that good for you?” Alec asks as Magnus turns his head so he can look at him. “Stay there until I clean you up, okay?” He adds, without waiting for an answer.

Magnus doesn’t have enough strength to reply and he thinks perhaps he even dozes off for a bit while Alec goes to find a wash cloth, because the next thing he knows, Alec is wiping down his thighs with gentle, soft strokes. He sighs into the pillow and smiles to himself.

“It was really good,” he whispers when Alec rolls him over to a clean spot of the bed. “Best orgasm I’ve had in a while.”

“Me too,” Alec grins. “Do you think you can get up in a bit? I want to get these sheets off as soon as possible.”

“Sure,” Magnus agrees, sitting up and swinging his legs over the edge. He finds his boxers on the floor and grabs them, stalking over to the bathroom. “I’ll just be a minute.”

He pees and scrubs at his face with cold water, wanting to feel a little less sleepy. His face stares back at him from the mirror, looking relaxed and happy. Magnus has never felt this good in a long, long while. He wishes Alec would ask him to stay, but perhaps that’s a little too much to ask. He checks his watch. It’s 11.15 p.m. He puts on his boxers and leaves the bathroom.

“Hey, Magnus, I was wondering,” Alec looks up from tucking in a fresh bedsheet and rearranging the pillows. “Do you want to, maybe, stay?” He pauses, looking a little nervous. “It’s just that it’s rather late and you look very sleepy and –”

“I’d love to, Alexander,” Magnus cuts him off, feeling nearly giddy with happiness.

“Oh,” Alec stops, mouth still open. “Good,” he nods, looking pleased.

“Is there any particular side you sleep on?” Magnus inquires, rubbing at his arms a little. It’s a bit chilly in the room and he hopes the offer to stay involves some spooning.

“The left one,” Alec points. Magnus nods and slides into the right side, pulling the covers up over himself. Alec smiles at him and then leaves to go to the bathroom himself. Magnus shifts until he’s a little closer to the middle than he is to the edge and waits.

Alec emerges a few minutes later, turns off the desk lamp and slides into bed too, reaching for his phone to set his alarms. Magnus watches with half-closed eyes as he sets them, his phone screen making his face glow. Finished, he sets the phone on the side table and rolls over so he’s facing Magnus.

“Big spoon or little spoon?” He asks.

“Little,” Magnus replies, grinning unabashedly. He loves being held and he loves the attention. He wouldn’t want to be the big spoon for anything in the world.

“Roll over then, idiot,” Alec says fondly, reaching for him. Magnus obeys, shuffling backwards a bit until his back hits Alec’s chest. Alec’s arms comes up around him, slipping under his own and coming to a rest against his chest. Magnus sighs happily as Alec throws one leg over his and then pulls him as close as he can.

“Good night,” he murmurs against the side of his neck, dipping his head a bit to press a kiss against the nape of Magnus’s neck.

“Good night, Alexander,” Magnus replies, closing his eyes and smiling to himself. He tries not to fall asleep immediately so that he can savour Alec’s proximity and every single point of contact between them but he’s so tired and relaxed after that particular orgasm, he’s asleep within seconds.


	13. your friends won't hold any grudges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When they’re both in the spare room, standing in the middle of a bunch of boxes Alec has never really gotten around to un-boxing, Lydia closes the door and turns on him with a “Tell. Me. Everything!” punctuated by some rather painful jabs at his chest.
> 
> “Magnus Bane?” she asks incredulously, not waiting for him to start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 7 chapters left!!! my uni starts again on 21st august, so i'm reallllyyy hoping to get this finished before then :p   
> tysm for reading, commenting, leaving kudos and sticking around <3

The next morning, Alec wakes up to the sound of water running. His bed is empty – no Magnus – and he can’t help but feel disappointed. He really wanted to see a sleepy, just-woke-up Magnus and perhaps make out a bit. As Alec wakes up a bit more, peering around blearily, he realizes the sound that woke him up is coming from the bathroom. Magnus must be taking a shower.

Alec rolls over and reaches for his phone. It’s 7.03 a.m. and his alarms, set for 7.30, haven’t even gone off yet. _Why is it so early_ , Alec thinks, snuggling back down into his pillows to wait for Magnus. His first class isn’t until 9.30. There’s plenty of time left for a bit more sleep before he needs to make breakfast, do some quick revision for that test and head out.

He’s daydreaming about what he should make Magnus for breakfast when the doorbell rings, incessant and loud. Alec sits up with a jerk. Nobody comes over that early. Izzy is probably in her dorm, waking up and getting ready and Jace is probably still asleep, possibly hungover. For a brief, scary second, Alec wonders if it’s his mother. She never pays him surprise visits, though.

Feeling apprehensive about who might be on the other side of the door, Alec pulls on some sweatpants, pads over barefoot and peers through the peephole. It’s Lydia.

 _Fuck, Magnus is here_ , Alec thinks, hand hovering over the door lock. He hasn’t told Lydia about Magnus yet and he doesn’t want to just now. She’s extremely flustered and anxious about the test that’s happening in a few hours and to reveal this to her now would be a disaster.

He wonders if he can get away with not opening the door and pretending he’s still asleep and hasn’t heard her. But this is Lydia – she’s likely to set up camp outside his door and keep ringing the door bell or calling him until he opens up. Plus, they have a test. If it was any other normal day, he could still pull it off, but Lydia would never for one second believe that Alec had slept in on test day.

 _Fuck_ , Alec says to himself as he opens the door. Lydia looks annoyed and she barges in past Alec, making a beeline for his couch. She dumps her bag on it and turns around, hands on her hips, her braid swinging behind her. “What the fuck took you so long? You promised we’d go over the flashcards the morning before the test,” she looks down at her watch. “It’s 7.20 right now and there’s 160 cards for each chapter!”

“Lydia,” Alec starts, feeling extremely nervous. Faintly, he can hear the water cut off in the bathroom. In minutes, Magnus might appear in the living room. “Can we perhaps do this at a café or something? Why don’t you go down to the lobby and call an Uber and I’ll meet you there in five minutes?”

“What?” Lydia looks at him in confusion. “You said you’d make us cinnamon French toast,” she glances towards the kitchen, which is empty and unlit and clearly hasn’t been used that morning. Alec mentally smacks himself as he remembers promising her all of this. “Alec,” she narrows her eyes at him. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

From Alec’s bedroom, Magnus calls out. “Darling, can I borrow a shirt from your closet? And some pants while I’m at it?”

Lydia’s eyes widen and she mouths ‘darling?’ at Alec while he turns red, unable to reply.

“Alexander?” Magnus calls out again, his footsteps coming closer and closer and then he’s in the living room with just a towel around his waist, water glistening on his muscles in a way Alec wishes he could appreciate. If only he wasn’t so embarrassed right now. Lydia’s eyes widen even more when she recognizes Magnus.

“Oh,” Magnus says when he realizes Alec isn’t alone. “Hello, I’m Magnus. Sorry we have to meet like this,” he flicks his eyes casually over his torso, unruffled at how he’s technically naked in front of a stranger.

“Hi,” Lydia says in a high voice, turning away from him to make horrified eyes at Alec. “Alec, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Yes, um, sure,” Alec mumbles, not being able to meet any of their eyes. “This is my friend, Lydia,” he introduces them awkwardly.

“You can borrow whatever you like,” he adds as he follows Lydia into the spare room. Magnus raises an eyebrow amusedly and Alec makes a ‘kill me now’ gesture. Magnus just laughs silently and goes back into his bedroom.

When they’re both in the spare room, standing in the middle of a bunch of boxes Alec has never really gotten around to unboxing, Lydia closes the door and turns on him with a “Tell. Me. Everything!” punctuated by some rather painful jabs at his chest.

“Magnus Bane?” she asks incredulously, not waiting for him to start.

“It’s not what you think it is,” Alec protests. This is the absolute worst way to tell Lydia but now that she knows, she knows. The most he can do is try to keep the messier part of it still a secret, until he can think it over and decide if he really does want to tell her all of it – the contract, the money and all that stuff included.

“It’s sexual harassment, that’s what it is!” Lydia exclaims in a whisper-shout. “Alec, you _work_ for the guy. You should know better.”

“I don’t actually work for him,” Alec admits sheepishly. Lydia stops pacing in the tiny path between a few of the boxes and whirls around.

“What? What about the internship?” She asks, confused. “Are you not doing it at Bane Inc.? just because of _him_?” She is growing more and more frazzled by the second and Alec can’t help but admire her fierce loyalty and protective streak. “Wait, did _he_ ask you not to do it there so he could be with you?”

The only problem with Lydia’s protective streak is that Alec doesn’t really need it right now. He’s dated a couple horrible people before who have pushed him back into the closet or tried to get him to work around a girlfriend (‘to keep my family at bay’) and at those times, Lydia’s mama lion act has been extremely useful, and Alec has been eternally grateful for it.

“No, no.” Alec tries to grab a hold of her and slow her down physically so she can focus on what he’s saying. When she gets worked up about something, she can’t stop moving around and fidgeting. “Lyds, calm down so I can tell you what’s going on,” he says, hands coming to rest on her shoulders.

“Okay,” Lydia takes a deep breath and looks up at him. “I’m calm.”

Alec lets go of her shoulders carefully, and she raises her hands up to indicate she’s not going to start pacing around again. Alec perches on the edge of one of the bigger boxes so he’s more or less eye level with her.

“I went for the interview,” he starts. This is not the story he told his mom; it’s much closer to the truth and therefore, much easier to tell.

“There was a –”he hesitates as if searching for the right word. “Spark?”

Lydia raises a delicate eyebrow.

“We both wanted to see what would happen.” It’s not the whole truth but it’s not a lie either. Alec still remembers Magnus’s first question about whether he was single and attracted to him or not.

Before Lydia can reply, there’s a gentle knock at the door. Alec rushes to open it.

“Sorry to bother you,” Magnus says apologetically. He’s pulling on his coat over one of Alec’s plain blue shirts and a pair of his black pants. “I’m going to head out now, okay? I have a meeting at 9 and a few things I want to go over before then.” Alec nods silently. He really would’ve liked to kiss Magnus goodbye but with Lydia there, it feels awkward.

“I’ll text you,” he says instead.

Magnus smiles and then looks over his shoulder at Lydia. “Nice to meet you,” he says politely before walking himself out.

Alec sighs and turns back to Lydia, who has her phone out. “He’s like, almost thirty-three, Alec.”

“And I’m twenty-six,” Alec replies. “It’s not that much of a difference.”

Lydia scrunches up her mouth as if she’s trying to hold back on saying something. Alec knows she doesn’t believe him fully but there’s not much else he can tell her without revealing the whole contract thing.

“He called you ‘darling’,” Lydia says finally, looking confused again. “Has this been going on long?”

“Not too long,” Alec says vaguely. Thankfully, she doesn’t push it.

Alec walks back into the living room with Lydia trailing behind him, still visibly thinking about all this new information.

“What about your internship?” She asks suddenly, when Alec’s halfway to the kitchen to whip up something quick for the two of them.

“What about it?” Alec asks, taking out eggs and butter from the fridge.

“Where will you do your actual internship then, if not at Bane Inc.?” Lydia clarifies, leaning across the kitchen island, playing with her braid with one hand and tapping on the countertop with the other in a rhythmic fashion.

Alec’s mind blanks out. _I need an internship to graduate_ , he realizes suddenly. It’s a mandatory requirement of his degree. _Fuck_.

“I don’t know yet,” he lies, trying to hide how her question caught him off-guard.

“Alec, this is very irresponsible of you,” Lydia frowns.

Alec doesn’t reply but continues to whip the eggs and add in milk and brown sugar. Perhaps the French toast will be enough to distract her while he has a mini panic attack about his actual internship.

Lydia notices his silence and comes around, into the kitchen, to hug him tightly. The top of her head barely brushes Alec’s chin and he leans down, wrapping his arms around her and lifting her up a little like he always does. She leans away when he puts her down but keeps her arms wrapped around his waist, looking up with a worried look in her eyes.

“Alec, you’re my best friend,” she says. “I can’t help but be worried about you.”

“Do you trust me?” He asks her simply. She nods. “Magnus makes me happy and I’m going to figure out my internship soon, okay? I’m okay. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Okay,” she says quietly, stepping away from him. Her expression isn’t confused anymore and she’s even smiling a bit. “I can’t believe I got to see Magnus Bane – _the Magnus Bane_ – in a towel!” She giggles a little hysterically.

Alec laughs. “Yeah, it probably wasn’t the best timing. Now eat up and quiz me,” he adds, sliding a plate of French toast towards her. “I know you’re dying to break out those flashcards.”

*

When Alec checks his phone after his test, he sees two texts from Magnus, sent a bit after he’d left Alec’s apartment.

 **[To: Alec, 7.52 a.m.]** I hope things with Lydia go well. I know she recognized me and that probably makes it more difficult for you to figure out what to tell her. I wanted to let you know I’m okay with you telling her about our contract and everything, if you think its appropriate.

 **[To: Alec, 7.55 a.m.]** I had a really nice time yesterday. I hope we can do it again. I’ve also made appointments for both us and forwarded you the details of it on your email. I hope your exam went well.

Alec grins at the second text. Last night was incredible and he can’t wait for more. The feel of Magnus’s body under his, squirming and gorgeous, was a high he’s never experienced before. With most of his partners, he’s been a bottom – and he’s loved it – but to be in control, with Magnus helplessly fucking up into him? That’s something he’d rather like to revisit.

He starts walking towards his next class and texts Magnus back. Lydia had said she’d meet him there because John, her boyfriend, had come to campus to surprise her after the test.

 **[To: Magnus, 11.49 a.m.]** I told Lydia most of the truth but not all of it. I still don’t know if I want her to know everything. She doesn’t believe me 100% but she trusts me, so its okay. Also, she brought up another concern.

He sends it without spending too much time mulling over whether he should tell Magnus about the mandatory internship requirement or not. It might just make Magnus feel guilty. But Alec doesn’t have many contacts in the field and if he was to look for a good internship on his own, he doesn’t think he would find anything easily.

 **[To: Alec, 11.51 a.m.]** What concern?

 **[To: Magnus, 11.51 a.m.]** She asked me where I’m going to be doing my actual internship, if not at Bane Inc.

It feels silly even saying it. How could he have overlooked this extremely crucial requirement when he so foolishly accepted Magnus’s offer? He should’ve thought about it a bit more.

 **[To: Alec, 11.53 a.m.]** It’s mandatory?

Alec hopes Magnus isn’t judging him for being this much of a dumbass.

 **[To: Magnus, 11.54 a.m.]** For me to graduate, yes.

 **[To: Magnus, 11.54 a.m.]** I can’t believe I didn’t think about it before.

 **[To: Magnus, 11.54 a.m.]** I’m so stupid.

Alec enters the seminar room where his next class is taking place and hunts for a seat in the back. He’s early so there’s lots of places still left. He finds a nice spot near the far end of the back row, plops his bag down into the seat next to him to save for Lydia and checks his phone as soon as it buzzes. As he takes it out of his pocket, he realizes it’s the persistent buzz of a phone call. It’s Magnus.

“Hey,” Alec answers, feeling a little awkward.

“Alexander, I came across a really great opportunity just this morning, but I want you hear me out fully before you say yes or no,” Magnus says.

Alec frowns. “Sure,” he replies, wondering why Magnus would specifically ask him to technically ‘shut up and listen’.

“Raphael came in this morning, grumbling about Xavier Tan,” Magnus pauses, almost as if waiting for Alec to go off. Alec feels extremely guilty for conditioning Magnus to walk on eggshells around him if he wants to mention the restaurant industry.

“I’m not mad at you, Magnus,” Alec murmurs quietly even though he told him to listen to the whole thing first. “I’m sorry. I’m not going to blow up any time you mention food or restaurants or things like that. I’m so sorry.”

At the other end of the line, Magnus lets out a small noise that might’ve been a relieved, happy sigh. Alec pinches the bridge of his nose between a thumb and forefinger, still feeling guilty. He really had overreacted that day.

“So, Xavier has apparently been nagging at Raphael for a while now about finding him a new finance guy,” Magnus continues, his voice much firmer and surer of itself now. “It’s still a job in a restaurant but it’s in a field you actually like. Plus, Raphael told me the timings are extremely flexible. I bet they’d willingly work around your class schedule.”

“That sounds quite nice,” Alec says honestly. It’s not his dream job but it’s in the same location – surely that means it’s the best of both worlds?

“Please think about it?”

“I will,” Alec promises. “Thank you so much, Magnus. I mean it.”

“Not a problem,” Magnus replies with a smile in his voice.

“I had fun last night too,” Alec says after a beat, his voice quiet but happy. “I can’t wait to see you again.”

“Me either,” Magnus replies warmly.

They hang up after Magnus reminds him that he’s sent details about the appointment on his email and Alec still has a dopey grin on his face when Lydia walks in, holding a box of Dunkin Donuts. He makes grabby hands at her and she sighs and agrees to share.

“You’ve got some powdered sugar on your face,” he points out, laughing.

“And you’ve got the world’s biggest lovesick grin on yours,” she returns, looking in her bag for a tissue.

“Come on. That’s not fair. I don’t tease you about John,” Alec complains, choosing to ignore she’d said ‘lovesick’.

He isn’t in love with Magnus – that’s ridiculous. He just really enjoys his company and conversation. _It’s a purely contractual relationship_ , Alec takes a bite of his jelly donut and nods to himself.


	14. the death of a bachelor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus throws him a look and steps out from behind his desk to pour them both a drink. Raphael accepts his glass, looking a bit disgruntled and nervous. Magnus raises an eyebrow at his demeanor – he’s never, in their nearly decade long friendship, ever seen Raphael look even vaguely nervous.
> 
> “I also wanted to invite you to my bachelor party this Friday,” Raphael blurts out after he downs his entire glass in one go.
> 
> Magnus splutters over his whiskey. Bachelor party? Raphael? “Um, what?”
> 
> “My bachelor party. This Friday,” Raphael repeats, looking pained.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delayy - life happened and it was bad and i got major writer's block for a while there.  
> anywho. have some overlapping of worlds with a sprinkling of pop culture references to my fave things right now :P

It’s a slow day at the office. They’ve just managed to bag a big client, so everyone is basking in the afterglow and sludging through the paperwork it’s created, peppering their day with the odd glass of champagne or two. Magnus smiles as Dot comes into his office to hand over one of the completed files to him and flips through it, feeling more satisfied than he has in a long time. Seelie Industries and Bane Inc. had been courting each other for a long while now, and now they were finally working together. It was, dare he say, one of the biggest achievements of his career so far. To be an exclusive distributor for Seelie products was a definite feather in the collective Bane Inc. cap.

“Ah, Raphael,” Magnus smiles as he spots his CFO lurking outside his door, pretending to have a conversation with Dot. “Please, come in.”

“I set up that lunch with Ms. Queen and her lackeys,” Raphael says as he enters Magnus’s office, hands in his pockets, looking rather bat-like in his all-black suit and gelled up hair.

“Lackeys?” Magnus chides. It’s true that nobody at Bane Inc. is _too_ fond of Ms. Queen and her people at Seelie Industries but the partnership itself is still a win for them.

Raphael rolls his eyes. “Business associates, whatever.”

Magnus throws him a look and steps out from behind his desk to pour them both a drink. Raphael accepts his glass, looking a bit disgruntled and nervous. Magnus raises an eyebrow at his demeanour – he’s never, in their nearly decade long friendship, ever seen Raphael look even vaguely _nervous_.

“I also wanted to invite you to my bachelor party this Friday,” Raphael blurts out after he downs his entire glass in one go.

Magnus splutters over his whiskey. _Bachelor party? Raphael?_ “Um, what?”

“My bachelor party. This Friday,” Raphael repeats, looking pained.

“You’re engaged?”

“Have been for a while now,” he answers, frown still in place, as usual. From his expression, you would ever be able to tell he’s talking about being engaged.

“Oh my,” Magnus breathes out. The idea of Raphael engaged and about to get married is a strange one but now that he’s thinking about it, it’s rather endearing to think that someone finally cracked that veneer and made a place for themselves inside Raphael’s ice-queen heart. Magnus is happy for him. “Pray tell, who is the lucky person?”

“Simon.”

Magnus waits a beat, to see if he’s going to get a last name or a job or an anecdote about how they met but apparently ‘Simon’ is all Raphael is willing to say. “Any more details forthcoming?” Magnus quirks an eyebrow.

“Nope,” Raphael downs his second drink.

“I guess I’ll just have to plague Simon for gossip then,” Magnus laughs, his statement causing Raphael to grimace.

“Please don’t. He talks too much.”

“Wonderful,” Magnus replies, looking delighted.

Raphael sighs and stands up from the couch that he’d been perching on the edge of. “I’ll text you the details then.”

“I’ll definitely be there,” Magnus waves as he leaves.

Huh. Raphael. Getting married soon. It’s almost unbelievable. Magnus puts away the empty glasses and returns to his desk, feeling inexplicably and strangely despondent. It seems everyone is happy – pairing off or adopting kids – living their best lives and enjoying every moment of it. Magnus is happy too. But he’s more of a stagnant happy – the feeling is dull, like mud at the bottom of a pond. Alec makes him feel things, but Alec is not somebody who will be a permanent fixture in his life. Magnus sighs and returns to his work, suppressing his sudden melancholy in favour of getting some files checked and paperwork signed. He doesn’t exactly have the luxury to slack off anymore. With this newest acquisition, there’s even more work to be done to keep things running smoothly.

*

Magnus is taking a much needed bath later that night when his phone buzzes on the bathtub’s lip, almost falling in. He rescues it and picks up the call happily, seeing Alec’s name flash on the screen.

“Hello, darling,” Magnus greets warmly, missing Alec all of a sudden. They haven’t seen each other since the day before, when Lydia had stormed into Alec’s apartment, but they did make plans for a dinner on Friday night, so Magnus is looking forward to – wait, Friday night?

“Hey, Magnus,” Alec replies, unaware of the inner turmoil Magnus is now going through. “You there?”

“Yes, yes,” Magnus nods even though Alec can’t see him. “I just remembered; I have some bad news.”

“Oh no. What happened?”

“I’ve been invited to a bachelor party this Friday night. I’m afraid I must ask you for a rain check on that dinner,” Magnus is loath to give up a dinner with Alec, but this is Raphael. He’s never really asked Magnus to social events outside of work before. And it’s his bachelor party, not some random housewarming or something.

“Oh, it’s okay,” Alec says, sounding a little disappointed. Magnus can sense him trying to be upbeat though, which he finds quite charming. “Um, what kind of a bachelor party?”

“Well, it’s Raphael so it’s probably going to be one of those really classy ones. I’m not sure about his fiancé’s preferences though. Are you jealous?” Magnus adds, trying but failing not to sound a little smug.

“No.” The answer is too quick.

“Don’t worry, darling,” Magnus replies, reassuringly. “I’m not the kind to be enamoured by a stripper. I’m all yours.”

Alec’s small noise is mostly indecipherable. Magnus waits for a more verbal response.

“I’m not worried. Have fun, okay?” Alec says earnestly.

“Will do.”

They hang up and it’s not until a full five minutes later that Magnus realizes Alec had called _him_ and that he’d never even thought to ask why. It’s too late now; it would be rather weird for him to call back and ask what Alec wanted. He frets for a minute before deciding to text him a general goodnight and see if he brings it up.

 **[To: Alec, 11.45 p.m.]** I promise I’ll make it up to you – the missed dinner. I hope you have a lovely night. Sleep tight, darling, and dream of me.

It’s a little over the top but he wants to soothe Alec’s feelings and assure him that he really isn’t interested in anyone else other than him right now.

 **[To: Magnus, 11.52 p.m.]** No worries. I look forward to that :p

It’s a cryptic text, slightly bare-bones, leaving much to be desired. Magnus wishes he’d responded explicitly to the dream part because now he’s having second thoughts about it. Is it too much to have asked Alec that? Did it offend him? Overwhelm him in a bad way?

He knows if he keeps thinking about it it’ll probably drive him crazy and he won’t be able to sleep so he turns off his phone, puts on a random _Schitt’s Creek_ episode on Netflix and falls asleep to the sound of Alexis Rose exclaiming ‘ _Ew, David_ ’.

*

Friday night rolls around and Magnus is standing outside the club Raphael and Simon are holding their party at. The bass is thumping uncomfortably through his veins and the music is so loud he doubt there’ll be any talking for the next few hours. To his surprise though, he’s led not to the main floor but to a private room on one of the upper floors. Inside, it is comparatively quieter, with a low hum of 90s pop in the background and people talking animatedly in a way only alcohol allows.

“Hey, you came,” Raphael greets him with a thump on the back in a very uncharacteristic manner. Magnus smiles and murmurs that he wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

“Let me introduce you,” Raphael continues, shuffling over to the big table they’re all sitting at. There’s an unoccupied dance floor in the middle of the room and a karaoke machine in one corner. Magnus looks around with interest; none of this matches up to the image of Raphael he has in his mind.

“This is Simon,” Raphael says, slurring his words only a tiny bit. He’s pointing to a guy with messy, black hair and huge glasses that make him look a little bit like Harry Potter. On hearing his name, he looks up at Raphael with the dopiest, most lovesick smile Magnus has ever seen.

“Hey, nice to meet you. Oh my god, you’re Magnus right?” Simon stands up and says this very fast, while also going in for a handshake. Magnus laughs and takes in the bundle of nervous energy that is going to be married to his CFO soon and finds that it’s actually quite a perfect match. Quite tropey, actually: the sunshine one falling in love with the grumpy, moody one. Raphael’s life is a cliché, Magnus thinks with supressed glee, making a note to annoy him about it later.

“I am indeed,” he answers Simon’s question, shaking his hand.

“God, what kind of a host am I?” Simon suddenly cries out, startling Magnus. He whips around for a glass of champagne and presses it into Magnus’s hands, still mumbling about how he could’ve forgotten his manners.

“Charming,” Magnus says to Raphael, without a hint of sarcasm. It’s not until Raphael’s face breaks into a relieved smile that he realizes how he’d been waiting for Magnus’s approval and opinion. It’s quite touching that Raphael would think of him like that, and Magnus can’t help but smile into his champagne glass as he’s introduced to the rest of the party.

There’s Meliorn (“Simon’s old roommate”), Maureen (“his childhood best friend”), Bat and Maia (“our neighbours”), and Isabelle (“she’s in Simon’s class at med school”). Magnus barely stops himself from doing a double take at the last person – Isabelle? Med school? It can’t be that much of a coincidence.

“Magnus? As in, _Alec’s_ Magnus?” Izzy asks, narrowing her eyes as he’s introduced. She has gorgeous black hair hanging down her back and is wearing a lovely red sheath dress. She looks powerful and like she might stab you with a kitchen knife if you messed with her friends and family.

Magnus nods, taking the seat next to her at the table. “The one and only. I presume you’re the sister he tells me so much about?”

“I am,” Izzy nods, drinking her bright turquoise drink and clearly sizing him up, possibly even thinking about whether to give him the older sibling Talk.

“It’s really nice to meet you,” Magnus says sincerely. He’d thought he was giving up a night with Alec to come here but it turns out Alec is still a part of his night, if indirectly.

“Likewise,” Izzy replies, smiling now. “Alec gushes about you all the time.”

Magnus laughs. “’Gush’ isn’t exactly a very melodic word but I will admit I am quite flattered.”

Somebody turns the music up a bit and Izzy starts to bop in her seat, sneaking a glance at Maia, Simon’s neighbour (as far as Magnus remembers). Their eyes meet and Maia giggles. Izzy’s boss-bitch demeanour slips a bit to reveal nervousness and Magnus leans in close to whisper ‘Go for it’ in her ear. They clearly like each other.

Izzy shoots him an amused, taken-aback smile before getting up to ask Maia to dance. Bat and Maureen follow them, and Simon stands up to twirl Raphael, who allows one such move before dropping heavily into his seat, saying he’s fulfilled his dancing quota for the night. This leads to some rather fervent and passionate pleading on Simon’s part before Raphael finally melts and permits himself to be whisked off. Magnus watches it all with amusement, sipping at his second drink and tapping his feet to the music. Only Meliorn is left at the table now, and they exchange a glance, smiling.

“So, you’re the only person Raphael invited,” Meliorn observes. “Must be special.”

“Oh,” Magnus says, realizing that he is indeed the only person from purely Raphael’s side. Bat and Maia may be his neighbours, but they also know Simon. Suddenly, he’s really glad he came. Raphael values their relationship more than he’d ever let on and Magnus is quite touched.

“Well, we work together,” Magnus tells Meliorn. The lights are dim, but he thinks that Meliorn’s hair is done up in various French braids. “He’s one of my best friends,” he adds.

“I haven’t known him for too long,” Meliorn leans back in his seat and spreads one arm across the back of the empty chair between him and Magnus. “But he and Simon are very cute together.”

Magnus laughs. “I would never have imagined somebody would call Raphael cute someday.”

“He doesn’t give off that impression, I agree,” Meliorn laughs too. His laugh is warm and bubbly and when he looks Magnus’s way, his expression is a little friendlier than their fifteen minute old acquaintanceship warrants.

“So, what do you do?” Magnus asks, accepting another drink from the circulating waiter. Behind them, the rest of the party is dancing to Normani’s new single and Magnus can’t help but nod his head along to the beat. It’s a good song and the alcohol is slowly loosening up his limbs.

“I own a café,” Meliorn replies. “One of those only organic foods things. Very overpriced, tiny portions, all that.”

Magnus nods sagely and then bursts into giggles at the other man’s very serious, business-like tone. Meliorn only winks, downing his drink and calling for another.

The song changes in the background and a much sexier one comes on. Magnus doesn’t recognize it but the scuffle on the dancefloor and the subsequent emergence of a couple of men in golden booty shorts and mesh shirts indicates that the strippers have arrived. Simon and Raphael are pushed into two seats side by side and the rest of them jump around, squealing and giggling. Magnus notices Maia’s arm around Izzy’s waist and smiles. Next to him, Meliorn shifts into the empty seat. Their shoulders are brushing and the buzz of alcohol in Magnus’s system is making everything a little fuzzy-edged.

“Hey,” Meliorn whispers, closer to Magnus now, almost in his ear. They’re watching the strippers give the two grooms-to-be a lap dance. Even though Raphael’s face looks like he’s not too pleased, his tiny smile to Simon betrays him.

“Hey,” Magnus replies, turning his head to look at Meliorn, who is now clearly running his eyes over Magnus’s lips and neck and down to his chest. He’s wearing a somewhat sheer black shirt under his glittery vest.

“I like you,” Meliorn grins, placing his drink-free hand on Magnus’s knee.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry,” Magnus says, tone apologetic. “I’m with someone.” He realizes he should’ve made that clear earlier but Meliorn is very pretty and his hair is definitely in tiny, intricate braids and Magnus is a tiny bit drunk and will admit that Meliorn is quite attractive.

“No worries,” Meliorn says, though he does sound a tiny bit disappointed. His hand leaves Magnus’s knee and he shifts until he’s not so pressed up against him anymore.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you earlier,” Magnus apologizes.

But before Meliorn can reply, they’re interrupted by a loud shrieking from the rest of the party. The strippers are now down to their thongs, but Raphael and Simon are curled up in a corner, making out with each other. Magnus smiles fondly. He’s never gotten the concept of a stripper at a bachelor party – he can’t imagine himself at his bachelor party, making out with or touching anyone other than whoever he was getting married to. Apparently Simon and Raphael can’t either.

“Want to dance?” Meliorn asks. Magnus nods.

The next hour or so are a blur of dancing with Izzy and Meliorn, followed by Maia persuading them all to sing karaoke. Simon and Raphael do a rather good rendition of Sucker by the Jonas Brothers, Bat half-sings and half-hums along to 7 Rings, with Maureen joining in occasionally, and Izzy manages to coax Magnus into doing a duet with her to Love Shack by the B-52s. It’s the most fun Magnus has had at any non-work social event in a long while. Actually, it’s the only non-work social event he’s even been to in a long while. When he meets Catarina, they usually grab a quick lunch or something and Ragnor had always preferred quiet and niche spots like libraries and archives. This is new and Magnus finds himself liking it a lot.

Even though the party is mostly made up of Simon’s friends, he ends up exchanging numbers with half of them by the end of the night. Izzy texts him an emoji almost immediately, Simon saves his number with his name misspelt (as ‘Mangus’) because he’s so drunk and Maia gives him a warm hug when she’s leaving, as if she’s known him all her life. They disperse a little after midnight, and Magnus calls for his car, surprised at how he’s actually a little sad the night ended. He’s going to have a massive hangover when he wakes up and his feet hurt from dancing but he’s inordinately happy for Raphael and Simon.

“Thanks for coming,” Raphael murmurs as he hugs him goodbye.

“Thanks for inviting me,” Magnus replies, holding on a little tighter. “I had so much fun and Simon is absolutely lovely.”

Raphael pulls back with a fond, soft look on his face that Magnus has never seen on him before. It makes his heart ache a bit as Raphael turns away and scoops up a very drunk Simon into his arms, half supporting his weight as they make their way over to their cab. Magnus gets into the back of his car and spreads out, exhausted. His thoughts drift to Alec and then, weirdly, to Meliorn.

Perhaps in another world, they might have been a thing. Magnus tries to imagine being intimate with Meliorn or taking him out on dates but feels oddly vacant. Theoretically, he can admit that Meliorn is extremely attractive but practically, he feels nothing. It’s the first time anyone has hit on him since he and Alec started their thing, and Magnus is flattered, but he can’t seem to imagine anything beyond that.

It’s the first time he’s actively thought about how he and Alec are exclusive. They never discussed it in much detail, though there was a clause in the contract that said they had the right to break it off if they met anybody new and were interested in pursuing them. But now, Magnus finds himself wishing he never meets anyone other than Alec. He knows this is rather foolish; Alec is bound to stop needing financial support after he’s graduated and then Magnus won’t really have any perks left to give him, but until that time comes, Magnus can’t even imagine looking at anyone else.

Alec is the only one who really sees him for who he really is. Magnus remembers the last time they’d met and how heated things had gotten and how he’d actually asked Alec to come on his back. The old Magnus would never have let anyone see him like that or do things to him like that. He didn’t like losing control, he liked ordering his partners around, tying them up, denying them pleasure and teasing them until they begged. That was who he was – right? Until Alec.

Until Alec broke through his walls with his quiet concern and his charming smile and Magnus finds that he doesn’t mind it if Alec sees him when he’s just woken up, bed-head and bad-breath and all.

Alec is different.

Magnus smiles to himself, feeling rather sleepy. He’s extremely drunk and exhausted from dancing and as he slumps across the backseat, his eyes flutter close. Perhaps just a little nap until he reaches his apartment would be rather nice.


	15. nightmares always hang on past the dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Maia’s amazing,” Izzy says, almost reverently. “So badass. I don’t even have words. It’s so weird that she’s Simon’s neighbour.” 
> 
> “Probably not as weird as you going to school with my partner’s CFO’s fiancé,” Alec rolls his eyes, laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here ya go! sorry for the lack of magnus in this chapter!! alec really needed a chapter of his own to figure his shit out and have some very important convos. 
> 
> tw for homophobia and difficult parent-child relationships

“What?” Alec feels like his world has summersaulted and landed on its ass. “ _You_ met Magnus last night? _Where_? He said he was going to a bachelor party.”

Izzy groans and clutches her head. “Shh, Alec. Too loud. Head exploding.”

Alec pushes the extra large coffee with extra shots of espresso closer to her and whispers loudly, “Drink up and then tell me everything.”

Izzy raises her head from her arms and blinks at the very brightly lit hospital cafeteria they’re sitting in. It’s not visiting hours yet, nor has the day truly started, so there’s very little people around. Most of them are nursing coffees just like she is.

Izzy had texted Alec at almost dawn, asking him to bring her an extra large coffee to cure her very bad hangover so she could go to class, and since he was the best big brother anyone could ever wish for, he woke up before it was even light outside, walked to the nearest Starbucks and then to the hospital, arriving just in time to hand her that coffee and catch her as she stumbled, still extremely sleepy.

Little did he know that he would be sitting down with her in the very clinical and metallically furnished cafeteria, hearing about how she’d met _Magnus_ last night. None of their friends overlapped, as far as Alec knew. Maybe she’d just bumped into him? How did she know it was him though? He had shown her pictures ages ago but those were the fuzzy, not-so-great ones from the Bane Inc. website. They didn’t do him justice.

“Okay,” Izzy says after a long sip of her coffee. “Okay. So, you know Simon?”

“Simon… Lewis?” Alec asks. She’s talked about him a couple of times – apparently he’s very talkative and a bit of a pain in the ass but completely adorable otherwise.

“Yeah!” Izzy exclaims, before groaning again and clutching at her head.

“What about Simon?”

“So, he’s getting married to um, whatshisname, Raphael Santiago?” Izzy scrunches her eyes as if trying very hard to remember.

“Raphael Santiago? Like, Magnus’s CFO Raphael?” The puzzle pieces are falling into place now and its starting to make sense.

“Exactly,” Izzy replies, holding out her hands in a ‘what do you know’ gesture. “Simon invited me, Raphael invited Magnus and there you go.”

“Ohhhh.” Alec can’t help but be a little jealous that his sister got to meet Magnus when he didn’t.

“Yeah.”

“So? What did you think?”

“Okay, okay. We didn’t get a chance to talk much but he is _extremely_ good looking, I’ll admit that much,” Izzy sends him a sly look. Having sobered up a bit now, she’s inhaling her coffee like she can’t get enough of it.

“And?” Alec prods her in the side, causing her to squeal and lean away from him, doubling over to protect herself from being tickled.

“I was mostly with Maia the whole night! I didn’t get to see him much! Don’t blame me,” she protests, blushing.

Alec leans back in his plastic chair and runs a hand through his hair. It’s unruly and messy because he didn’t get a chance to comb it before he left to get Izzy’s coffee. “Small world, huh?”

Izzy nods, sucking hard at her straw and finishing off her coffee with a satisfied ‘ah!’. She pushes her thumbs into the sleeves of her sweater and pulls them over her hands, looking a little apprehensive. “There is one thing though.”

“What?” Alec asks, feeling a little nervous. Had Magnus said something about him? Had she asked him something weird? Oh god, he was going to _kill_ her.

“Alec, have you and Magnus ever talked about, you know? Are you two exclusive?”

“Oh,” Alec is taken aback by the question. “We haven’t exactly talked about it but, um, I think we are. Why?”

“Well,” Izzy hesitates. “There was this guy at the party. Meliorn. He seemed to be into Magnus. I saw them sitting very close together at one point and they danced together a lot too.”

Alec feels his heart sink a bit. He doesn’t know why he’s feeling that way though. It’s not like they explicitly agreed to not sleep with anyone else or date anyone else or show interest in anyone else. They’re not _boyfriends_. They’re not _dating_.

Izzy notices the look on his face and is quick to clarify. “It wasn’t anything to worry about though! I think Magnus told him he was seeing someone because later I overheard Meliorn talking to Simon about how he was disappointed that Magnus wasn’t available.”

 _Oh._ Alec can’t help but smile to himself at that information.

“But Alec,” Izzy continues, reaching out to pat his hand. “You guys aren’t actually dating though, right? So technically, you and Magnus could see other people?”

 _I don’t want us to_ , Alec finds himself thinking.

“I just think it’s a conversation worth having. Might prevent some misunderstandings later on,” Izzy says, looking kindly at him. Alec realizes he’s being very transparent with his emotions right now and immediately schools his features into a more neutral look. He can’t have Izzy thinking he’s in love with Magnus or something.

“So, tell me about Maia,” he changes the subject. It’s Izzy’s turn to look flustered.

“Maia’s amazing,” Izzy says, almost reverently. “So badass. I don’t even have words. It’s so weird that she’s Simon’s neighbour.”

“Probably not as weird as you going to school with my partner’s CFO’s fiancé,” Alec rolls his eyes, laughing.

“Well, when you put it that way,” Izzy laughs.

“Anyway. Maia?”

After she’d gone to her gig a couple weeks ago, Alec had been trying to get her to ask Maia out properly, but Izzy had been too chicken to do it. It was probably fate that they met at this bachelor party, and Alec is nearly dying to know if anything came of it.

“I kissed her,” Izzy admits, giggling in a nervous, high-pitched manner.

“You did?”

“And more!” Izzy winks, laughing.

Alec holds up a finger, making a face. “Before you go on, please remember there is such a thing as ‘too much information’, okay?”

“Don’t be such a prude,” Izzy slaps at his shoulder playfully. “We went back to her place, made out a bit and then I slept over.”

“Wow,” Alec responds. “A bit much for a first date, no?”

“We didn’t have sex, oh my god! We just slept together. Literally. Like, cuddling.”

Alec smiles at her happy, content expression and feels warm inside. There’s nothing more he wants than for Izzy and Jace to be happy and loved. He would do anything for his siblings, really. Probably even kill someone. If it ever came to that.

“I’m so happy for you,” he leans in and squeezes Izzy’s shoulders, pulling her in for a one-armed hug. She melts in his embrace for a bit before pushing him away and looking a little serious.

“Alec,” she starts, “I think it’s time we talked to mom.”

Alec leans away from her, opening his mouth to protest but she cuts him off.

“Please. Listen to me. It’s not fair on you or any of us. She has this weird hold on us, especially on you, where she thinks it’s okay to control what we do and what we study or who we fall in love with. That’s not okay, Alec,” she says, her eyes welling up a bit.

Alec swallows and nods, unable to speak. He knows such a confrontation has been a long time coming but it’s long overdue by now.

“I want you to be happy, Alec. It hurts me so much to see you in pain like this. You try to hide it but you’re not that good at it, you know?” She lets out a soft sob, smiling through her tears. Alec reaches for her hand and rubs a thumb soothingly across the back of it.

“Jace never noticed,” Alec murmurs, remembering how he’d been so surprised to hear about how caged Alec felt all the time.

Izzy laughs. “Jace has the emotional range of a teaspoon, to quote Hermione Granger.”

Alec manages a smile too. “Did he tell you about the new girl he’s dating?”

“Clary Fairchild?” Izzy asks, frowning a bit as if she’s not sure that’s the name.

“Yeah. The redhead. He had a picture of her on his desk barely 24 hours after they met, you know,” Alec laughs a little. Their brother has always fallen hard and fast for everyone. He can’t love in half-measures.

“Whoa,” Izzy exclaims.

“I know right,” Alec replies, shaking his head.

“That’s loco.”

They sit for a few minutes, holding onto each other, letting the low hum of conversation three tables away wash over them. The air conditioner crackles to life and Izzy sighs. Looking up at Alec, she asks, “Will you think about it?”

“I will,” Alec promises, dropping a kiss on her forehead and hugging her tight. With Izzy and Jace by his side, he’s always felt invincible.

“Okay, I gotta move my butt to class and try not to sleep through it,” Izzy yawns, getting up and slinging her backpack over her shoulder before bending to pick up a stack of books and papers from the seat next to her. Alec doesn’t even know why she bothers to carry a backpack like that if she’s hauling around a bunch of other stuff in her hands. Perhaps he should buy her a bigger bag for Christmas. She’ll probably hate it though. He knows he has no taste when it comes to fashion or style. Oh wait, he can probably ask Magnus.

“Good luck,” Alec tells Izzy, looking at her fondly as she walks away.

*

The impending conversation that he’s got to have with his mom hangs over Alec like a black cloud. He’s snippy with Lydia, doesn’t eat properly and finds himself unable to tell Magnus about it. It feels a lot more personal than any other thing they’ve shared with each other – this is not something that already happened to him in his childhood and that he’s just narrating now. This is the present; it has consequences in the present that Alec doesn’t want Magnus to have to deal with. Whatever their contractual relationship is, it definitely isn’t that. Magnus is in no way obliged to pick up after Alec or to be there for him when he feels so unbearably nervous and apprehensive about this possible life-changing conversation.

Thankfully, it’s not like he doesn’t have anyone. Jace and Izzy have been flooding their group chat with encouragements that Alec suspects are only half-meant for him and half-meant to gear themselves up as well. Alec just wishes he had somebody other than his siblings to count on just then. Somebody who cared about what happens, not because they have a direct stake in it, but because they care about Alec.

 **[To: Alec, 3.45 p.m.]** Hello, darling. I just got my test results back. Forwarding you the report but long story short: we’re good to go 😉

The text, which Alec gets just as he’s about to go downstairs to meet Jace and Izzy so they can go to their mom’s, leaves him feeling a mixture of emotions. He’s excited and very slightly turned on but Magnus and sex with Magnus is also the last thing on his mind right now. He frets over the reply for a minute before sending a simple ‘Me too! Can’t wait 😉’ and forwarding his own results as well. He got them that morning but had been too frazzled to send them to Magnus.

Magnus can interpret the text as him being coy or him being busy – he’d deal with that later. For now, he feels like he might throw up with nerves.

*

“Okay,” Izzy breathes out evenly.

They’re all standing in front of their mom’s apartment, Izzy in the middle, holding her brothers’ hands tightly.

Alec looks at her sideways and nods. “Okay,” he repeats.

Izzy gives him a small, tight smile and then turns to Jace on her other side. “You ready?”

Jace shrugs. “Why are you asking me? I’m just here for moral support. _You_ two are the ones dropping truth bombs.”

This makes Izzy laugh a little out of hysteria. “Right.”

“True,” Alec admits.

They stand there for a minute longer before Izzy squares her shoulders, lets go of their hands to ring the doorbell and murmurs, “Here goes nothing.”

*

The dinner is awkward, just like Alec thought it would be. The food is amazing; his mom has gone all out and had the staff cook all of their favourite dishes, just as mouth-watering and scrumptious as Alec remembers, but the conversation is stilted, and long minutes of silence go by without anyone attempting to break them.

Izzy is nervously pushing food around on her plate and stealing glances at Alec. Alec is studiously eating whatever is being put in front of him while avoiding his mom’s eyes and Jace is the only one who is even attempting to make small talk.

“So, how’s school, darling?” Their mother asks halfway through the main course, when the conversation with Jace finally peters out.

“Oh, it’s good,” Izzy replies, chewing slowly and looking up at their mother, who is very clearly looking at Alec, confused expression on her face. Izzy grows red. “Oh. I thought you were asking me,” she mumbles, almost inaudible.

Maryse turns to her left and looks at Izzy with a sympathetic sort of look that Izzy misses. “I was about to,” she says, kindly. Too kindly.

Alec’s hands curl around his spoon tightly. “It’s good, mom. I’m acing most of my classes.”

“Most of them?”

Alec doesn’t reply. Izzy is sitting across from him and he reaches out with his foot to gently tap her heel against his. It’s the most he can do in such a situation, but she smiles slightly at her food, even if she doesn’t look up. Alec breathes a tiny sigh of relief to himself.

“What about your internship?” Their mother continues to probe, after she’s called for the next course.

“This gazpacho is really good,” Jace interrupts as his empty bowl is now taken away.

Maryse looks a little taken aback and annoyed at being interrupted. “Thank you, Jace,” she says in a slightly clipped tone, returning her gaze to Alec.

“I’m still a PA,” Alec says, looking her straight in the eye.

Her expression turns stormy. “I thought I told you –” she starts, but Alec cuts her off.

“I do have another offer though,” he tells her. Out of the corner of his eye, he notices Jace stop eating and put down his cutlery. Izzy too, has stopped eating and is now staring nervously between him and their mom.

“Oh. From where?” Maryse asks, looking interested. She doesn’t notice the tension around the table at all and is still eating. It’s as if Izzy and Jace don’t even exist – her focus is laser-sharp on Alec.

“Tan’s,” Alec tries to keep his voice strong and unbroken. He mustn’t let their mother see how he’s almost wilting under her disapproving gaze. The pit in his stomach grows denser and expands, making him feel like he’s going to throw up, but he pushes it down, taking a sip of his water and trying to breathe evenly.

He used to have panic attacks when he was younger, and he can feel the beginnings of one swirl around his vision now. They were always brought on by feeling like he’d fucked up and disappointed his parents, and only intense therapy in his college days had helped keep them at bay. He hadn’t had one in ages after that and feeling like he’s going to have one now is the worst feeling in the world.

“The restaurant? What would you do there?” Maryse has stopped eating too now, but only so she can question him better.

Before Alec can answer her though, Izzy speaks up. Perhaps she’s noticed how he’s breathing unevenly or perhaps she’s just done sitting there silently, but her voice is strong and even when she says, “He was asked to be assistant chef.” She smiles at Alec proudly, and Alec’s heart stops beating so fast and its suddenly easier to breathe again. He _can_ do this.

“A cook? That’s funny,” their mother laughs, holding a hand up to her throat, looking like she’s heard the most ridiculous thing in her life.

“Why is it funny?” Jace asks, very seriously.

Maryse stops laughing and looks confused. “It has nothing to do with finance.”

“Why does it have to be, though?” Jace asks.

“I don’t like your tone, Jonathan,” Maryse replies, narrowing her eyes at him. She puts down her fork and spoon and leans back in her chair, looking between Alec and Izzy with an extremely sour look on her face. “Don’t be ridiculous, Alexander. It’s a requirement for your degree that you work in a finance related field for six weeks.”

“What if I don’t want to do finance at all?” Alec bites out, encouraged by the supportive look Jace and Izzy give him.

“That is not an option, and you know that,” Maryse says, her tone curt and final.

Alec wants to laugh. This is exactly how he imagined the conversation would go, with Maryse not even considering his point of view, or his opinions and interests. Izzy and Jace look taken aback at their mother’s absolute refusal to even listen to him, but Alec isn’t surprised in the slightest. He’s had this conversation with Maryse before, if not in such explicit detail and this is how she’s always reacted to her eldest son expressing an opinion or idea of his own.

Alec takes a long, deep breath. “Mom, two years ago, you saw me hugging Raj. What did you think that was?”

Maryse’s mouth works itself into a frown, her lips tight and angry. “What has that got do with anything?”

Alec barges on, unable to stop now that he’s started. “You never mentioned it, but you didn’t talk to me for nearly three months after that. You knew what it meant but it was easier to just deny it, right?”

Maryse looks stonily at her plate, refusing to meet any of her children’s eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Mom, I’m gay,” Alec almost laughs. If his mother can’t even accept that he doesn’t want to work in finance, it’s improbable that she will react positively to this news either, but he _needed_ to say it, _needed_ her to react to it, in whatever repressed, unpleasant manner she would.

“And I’m bisexual,” Izzy says suddenly. “I’m dating a woman.”

Maryse doesn’t even look at her, but her eyes do stray towards Jace, as if expecting him to also announce something similar.

“I’m straight but I love my siblings and I support them immensely,” Jace holds his hands up, leaning back in his chair.

Alec smiles at him and then looks back at his mother, who is now looking incredibly furious. “And I don’t want to work in finance. I never did. Cooking is my passion and that’s what I want to do.”

Maryse doesn’t respond, but her hands are clenched so tightly, her knuckles have turned white. Then, after a full minute of absolute silence, she turns to Izzy with a tight, forced smile. “Isabelle, bring out the desert.”

One of the kitchen staff, who has been hovering by the door, looks at Maryse with confused eyes. Izzy is equally confused. Alec feels like he wants to punch something and Jace makes a small, angry noise.

“So, you’re just going to ignore what we said?” Alec asks, his voice sounding more composed than he thought it would.

Maryse doesn’t look at him, or anyone in particular as she schools her features into a more neutral, normal look. “Maria made blueberry pie. The blueberries were frozen but I’m sure it tastes just as good.”

“Honestly?” Jace asks, incredulous. Opposite Alec, Izzy is silently crying, tears running down her cheeks, her eyes downcast.

“What do you want me to say, Jonathan?” Maryse says angrily. “Do you want me to congratulate Alexander and Isabelle on their sinful, unnatural lifestyles?” She looks at Alec, her eyes hateful and her mouth twisted as if she’s just swallowed something vile. “Do you want me to tell you how much you’ve hurt me and the family name by saying you want to be a _cook_?” She spits out the last word and then takes a second to compose herself. “No, I think it’s best if you all had the pie and drinks and then went back home.”

Alec gets up, throwing his napkin onto the table and going across to Izzy, who is clearly sobbing now. Jace gets up too.

“I think it’s best if we left now,” Alec tells Maryse, holding Izzy steady as she gets up too. “Don’t want to stain your lovely apartment and your perfect life with our gayness or foolish ambitions, do we?”

Maryse doesn’t say a word or try to stop them as Alec and Jace put their arms around Izzy and leave the room.

*

There’s a tiny park ten minutes away from the house, where Alec and Izzy and Jace spent a lot of their childhood, especially when things between their parents had gotten really bad. It’s small, with a couple of swings, three benches and miniature water fountain stuffed into the grassy area which is only a little bigger than an average New York apartment. That’s where they go after the disastrous lunch.

Alec remembers coming here with Lydia for their first date, with Jace when he first had his heart broken, with Izzy when she first decided she wanted to go to medical school but was too chicken to tell their parents just yet. He remembers the mornings and whole afternoons he’d spent on the swings there, working out his feelings towards their neighbour’s very hot son, and then again, when the very hot son kissed him in the elevator one day.

“It’s okay,” he pats Izzy on the back now as she cries into his shoulder. “You’ve got me and Jace. It’s okay.”

“I don’t believe her,” Jace mutters from her left, hands clenching and unclenching as if he, too, feels the need to punch something. Alec won’t be surprised if he goes off to his gym after this and takes it out on a punching bag.

“I know. We’re okay, though. You’re both okay.” Alec murmurs soothingly. His head hurts and he can’t think straight. All he knows is that he and Jace and Izzy are a team and that, with them, he can get through anything.

“I’m so sorry,” Izzy hiccups, looking up at Alec now and wiping at her eyes. “I should be there for you instead of crying my own eyes out.”

Alec cups her face in his hands and wipes at her tears with his thumbs gently. “Don’t apologize, silly,” he says, softly, his voice breaking. “I love you so much and I’m happy you came.” He looks at Jace. “You too. I couldn’t have done this without you two.”

Jace shrugs, a little uncomfortable with all the emotion, but then breaks out into a genuine smile. “Group hug?” he asks.

They all lean into each other. The positions are a little awkward but at the moment, none of them even care.

“I love you guys,” Jace murmurs. “You took me in and never once made me feel like I didn’t belong. You’re my family.”

Alec claps Jace on the back and Izzy takes his hand. They stay on the bench for a long while, holding onto each other in some way or the other, until Izzy’s tears have stopped, and Alec’s thoughts have numbed.

“What are we going to do now?” Izzy asks quietly.

“We’re going to stick together, like always,” Alec says matter-of-factly.

“Yeah,” Jace nods, getting up and stretching a bit.

“What about mom?” Izzy bites at her lip.

Alec takes a deep, grounding breath. “It’s like you said. She doesn’t control us.”

“But she’s our mom, Alec,” Izzy says, sounding miserable. Even though Maryse had treated her horrendously, Izzy is still kind enough to worry about her. Alec is too overwhelmed at the unfairness of it to reply immediately.

“Iz,” he says after a minute, when he’d composed himself a bit. “That doesn’t mean she’s a good parent.”

Izzy’s mouth crumples slightly and she wipes at her eyes, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” she says sadly. “I’m so proud of you, Alec, for finally standing up to her.”

“Yeah, man,” Jace nods. “I’m so happy for you. It must feel like a weight lifted off your shoulders.”

Alec smiles and nods but doesn’t say anything. It _does_ feel like a weight lifted off his shoulders, but his heart is still a little heavy. There’s a different kind of weight now, a more permanent, final sort of weight – the weight of having to live without a parent’s love and affection. He doesn’t say any of this out loud though. They’ve been through enough already.

“You’re not alone,” he murmurs. “None of us are.”

They stay there for a while longer before getting up and calling a cab to take them back home. Alec gets out at his apartment after they’ve dropped Izzy at the dorms and reaches out to punch Jace in the shoulder as sign of affection.

“Take care, buddy,” Jace says as Alec leaves with a wave of acknowledgement.

It’s only 9 p.m. when Alec unlocks his apartment door and his stomach rumbles with hunger but he’s too uneasy to eat anything. He changes into his pyjamas and tumbles into bed, but his troubled, chaotic thoughts make it impossible for him to fall asleep. He lies awake, tossing and turning until nearly dawn, when exhaustion overtakes his body and he finally succumbs to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whooo!! only five chapters left !!!!! i hope you enjoyed this confrontation - it was hard to write because i kept feeling horrible for subjecting alec and izzy to such horrible parenting, but it had to be done :( maryse is a bitch in this fic, sigh.


	16. sitting pretty in my brand new scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus laughs self-consciously, setting the roses in a vase on the side table and leading Alec into the dining room. “I cooked for you. It’s nothing much but I tired. I don’t even know if it’s good or not,” he rambles, feeling nervous again. 
> 
> Alec’s smile widens at his words until he’s laughing. “Oh, Magnus. You did?” He says, almost disbelievingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what whattt. is this another update within 24 hours? YEP. my uni starts in a few days and i reallllyyy want to finish it before things start getting hectic, so here's the longest chapter yet!! 
> 
> tw for anxiety and panic attacks

Magnus is nervous. It’s his day off from work and he’s nervous because he really wants to spend it with Alec, but Alec hadn’t texted him again after the ‘Can’t wait’ thing two days ago. Magnus had assumed he was busy but perhaps he’s just waiting for him to take the first step? Which Magnus is fully ready to do, definitely. But why is he so nervous about it?

He eats his breakfast thoughtfully, scrolling through past messages with Alec on his phone, smiling as he reads them. He really wants to spend the whole day with him, take him out for a fancy lunch or something and then, hopefully, make out with him and have it lead to a bit more than what they’ve been doing so far. Magnus knows that just because they’ve been tested now, it doesn’t mean they’ll hop right into bed, but a man can hope. But really, he’d be happy just to be with Alec, whether that means fucking or just cuddling.

Magnus bites his lip, feeling his cheeks heat up. He feels like a teenager with a crush, texting to tell them his parents aren’t home. There’s a lot more sweetness and innocence in their relationship than Magnus had expected. He knew he’d end up caring about Alec, he can’t be with anyone and not care about them, but he didn’t know he’d care _this_ much. It makes him dread the day they eventually break off the contract and go back to their separate lives.

 **[To: Alec, 8.15 a.m.]** Can I see you today? We can do more than just cuddle 😉

He sends it without thinking too much about it, and then the minutes crawl by incrementally while he awaits a reply, his stomach doing flips. Fortunately, Alec doesn’t take too long to text back.

 **[To: Magnus, 8.21 a.m.]** I’m free after 4 p.m., which is when my last class ends. I’ll be there by 5?

Magnus can’t help but be disappointed. 5 p.m. is ages away. He was expecting to see Alec sooner. He pushes past his discontent and texts back, sighing heavily.

 **[To: Alec, 8.23 a.m.]** Great! Can’t wait to see you, darling.

He throws his phone onto the couch and sinks down on it too, feeling quite gloomy. It’s not like he has work to take his mind off things either. Ten minutes go by without him even moving, but then he gets up and plucks his laptop from the coffee table. If Alec is coming over that late, it’s the perfect chance for Magnus to try and cook him dinner. It’s something he’s been meaning to do anyway but hasn’t really found an opportunity to.

Feeling slightly happier, Magnus trawls through several cooking blogs and gets sucked into a recipe vortex. His head swimming with various options, he finally emerges at nearly 11 a.m., shocked to see how much time he’s wasted just trying to decide what to cook.

“Fuck, I don’t even have ingredients,” he mutters to himself, looking for his phone so he can jot down the stuff he needs and go on a little shopping trip. He’s decided on an easy enough appetizer – ham and blue cheese crostini – and a main course that looks like he can pull it off – roasted tomato basil soup with cheesy croutons. It sounds like a hearty meal, and one that he can probably make without too much trouble, given his lack of cooking skills.

He’s bubbling with excitement as he does the necessary grocery shopping and then lays down all his purchases on the kitchen counter. His cook pops her head in to ask if he needs any help, but he dismisses her with a jovial wave, saying he’d like to try this one for himself. He dismisses the rest of his staff as well, not wanting any interruptions as he cooks and prepares for Alec’s arrival.

It's too early to start on the crostini, so he starts with the soup. The recipe calls for roasting the tomatoes and the garlic and stuff before anything else, so he sets up his oven, finds two sheet pans and lines them with paper, feeling rather pleased with himself.

Cutting up the tomatoes and onions isn’t too hard, but the garlic poses a bigger problem and it takes him nearly half an hour to remove the papery outer bits and get to the smooth clove underneath. A little frustrated with how long it took, he throws on the garlic, pops both sheets into the oven and pours himself a drink.

 _Whew_ , he thinks. It’s about 2 p.m. and the vegetables will take at least 45 minutes to roast so he has a bit of time for himself. Looking up the recipe again, he calculates how long it will take for it to be complete. After roasting, he’s supposed to cook it on the stove for about 30 minutes before taking it off and pureeing it so it’s all smooth. The croutons are not too hard either, he just has to cover the slices with butter, drape them with cheese and then put another buttered slice on top and put them in the oven. They’ll be cut into squares once they’re all crispy.

Magnus finds himself suddenly overwhelmed when he remembers he hasn’t even started on the crostini. And that is the _appetizer_. _Shit_ , he thinks as he looks at the two big loaves of French bread he’d bought, regretting dismissing his cook and staff.

“Well,” he murmurs to himself, finishing up his drink and setting the glass on the counter. “No use regretting it now.” He rolls up his sleeves and gets to work.

It’s nearly 4.15 p.m. when he finishes pureeing all the soup and puts it in a nice crocket (that he’d also bought that day). He can warm it up in the oven again when it’s time for dinner. The cheesy croutons are prepped and in the fridge, and the crostini is on the counter in a nice, covered platter. Now all that’s left is taking a shower and deciding what to wear.

He hurries to his bedroom and rummages through his closet, trying to find something nice but easy to get out of. His fingers skim over his pants, stopping over a super-soft, extremely comfortable pair that he’s had for ages. Magnus knows it hugs his ass quite nicely and he plucks it off its hanger, grinning.

 _Now for a shirt_. There’s the glittery, sheer shirts but they’re too fancy for a night in. His silk button downs don’t feel quite right either. He stops at a billowy, turquoise tunic with gold and bead trimming but rejects it as too bright and over the top. Finally, he sees it. The gorgeous burgundy shirt with devoré detailing and an open collar. He takes it out and smiles, setting it next to the pants on his bed. _Perfect_.

It’s 4.45 p.m. when he’s finally showered and shaved and all ready, except for his makeup. He decides to keep it simple and just go with a subtle, glittery golden eyeliner under his lower lash line and some mascara.

At 4.50 p.m., he starts to set the table and put out the wine.

At 4.52 p.m., he fidgets with the remote and puts on some music.

At 4.55 p.m., he checks to see if the crostini is okay and not soggy or anything. Finding them perfectly crisp, he replaces the cover and paces nervously in the dining room.

What if he’s put too much salt in the soup? Or not enough topping on the crostini? What if he overcooks the croutons and they burn to a crisp and are inedible? What if Alec is allergic to something in either of the dishes? _Fuck!_ He should’ve asked him beforehand, like Alec had asked him.

When the doorbell finally rings at 5.03 p.m., Magnus is a nervous mess. He opens the door and breathes a small sigh of relief at Alec standing outside, holding up a box from Giovanni’s, a bakery nearby. They sell the _best_ chocolate fudge brownies, and Mangus is delighted, because in his hurry, he’d totally forgotten about dessert options.

“Alexander!” He exclaims happily, his nervousness leaching out of him at the sight of Alec. Alec smiles widely, steps inside and kisses him on the cheek.

“I did bring dessert but perhaps we can order something for dinner? I’m kind of starving. Haven’t eaten since breakfast,” Alec says, handing Magnus the box and hanging up his coat and bag. “You look extremely beautiful, by the way,” he adds, producing a small, slightly squashed bunch of roses from his bag, looking shy.

“Oh my god,” Magnus breathes, blushing. He can’t remember the last time anyone had bought him flowers. “Thank you so much, darling.” He pulls Alec in for a proper kiss and smiles into his mouth, feeling like he’s on cloud nine.

“It’s nothing,” Alec rubs the back of his head awkwardly. “Wait, what’s that yummy smell?” He asks, sniffing the air suddenly.

Magnus laughs self-consciously, setting the roses in a vase on the side table and leading Alec into the dining room. “I cooked for you. It’s nothing much but I tired. I don’t even know if it’s good or not,” he rambles, feeling nervous again. 

Alec’s smile widens at his words until he’s laughing. “Oh, Magnus. You did?” He says, almost unbelievingly. “That’s so sweet of you,” he reaches for Magnus again and kisses him slowly. Magnus melts in his arms, his own arms thrown around Alec’s neck, crossed behind his head.

“Mmm,” he says, breaking away after a minute, “Aren’t you starving?”

“Perhaps not just for food,” Alec says, low and intense, mouth curled into a smile that nearly breaks Magnus’s heart in two. He swallows, unable to speak for a minute while he gets his thoughts together.

“But the food will go cold,” he says lamely, pushing Alec away playfully even though he is loath to let him go.

Alec laughs. “Lead the way, sweetheart,” he says, dropping the pet name so casually and thoughtlessly, it takes Magnus’s breath away again.

“So, here’s the appetizer,” Magnus manages to say as he hands Alec the platter, feeling unbearably nervous. “Ham and blue cheese crostini.”

“Oh god,” Alec breathes, picking one up as he sits down on the couch. “You made this?”

“Yep,” Magnus nods, pouring their wine and sitting down next to Alec, who is now taking his first bite.

“Wow, Magnus.” Alec smacks his lips in appreciation and shifts closer, brushing his shoulder against Magnus’s. “This is amazing.”

“Let me just go and heat up the rest of the food,” Magnus excuses himself, his heart racing. _Calm down! You haven’t even had dinner yet and you’re already all riled up_ , he chides himself. He and Alec haven’t had time to themselves lately and it just feels so good to see him and get to kiss him and touch him again. Magnus pops the croutons and the soup in the oven and sets the timer for six minutes, going back to the living room where Alec is.

“What did you make for me?” Alec asks as he sits down again.

The crostini is almost finished, and Alec looks at him apologetically. “Sorry, they were so good, I just kept eating.”

Magnus smiles. “I made, um, tomato and basil soup,” he replies, trying out the crostini and feeling shocked at how good it actually is. For a first attempt at actual cooking, he crushed it. “Roasted tomato and basil soup,” he corrects himself. “With cheesy croutons.”

Alec grins, looking surprised and very happy. “Magnus, I can’t tell you how utterly sweet it is that you cooked for me,” he says, leaning in after setting his wine glass down.

“I wanted to do something special,” Mangus murmurs, his brain short-circuiting when Alec noses down his jaw and kisses his neck. He sets his glass down as well and tangles his fingers in Alec’s hair, his head falling back to allow Alec better access to his neck. Alec bites down on a sensitive spot under his ear and Mangus tries not to moan but it slips out anyway, unbidden and quite desperate. Alec chuckles into his skin and leans back, looking at him with a fond expression.

“The food,” Magnus says in alarm, when the timer on the coffee table suddenly goes off. He scrambles towards the kitchen, asking Alec to sit down at the table while he brings out their dinner.

The croutons look amazing, oozing with cheese as he cuts them into squares and tosses them into a big bowl. He sets that and the crocket on a big wooden tray he finds in one of his cupboards and goes back to the dining room, wondering if this would be as good as the crostini.

“It smells delicious,” Alec tells him as he enters the room. Magnus smiles and sets the tray down between their plates, settling into his chair after he’s done fiddling with the lighting, turning it up a bit so they can see their food properly at least. It’s not as romantic but so what?

“Tastes delicious too,” Alec says after he’s had a few bites. Magnus’s heart does a little dance in his chest and he settles back into his seat, feeling relieved. He can officially declare the dinner a success and Alec’s smile is reward enough for the nervous breakdown he almost had earlier that day while cooking.

“I’m glad you like it,” Magnus says, enjoying the way Alec’s knees are brushing against his under the table.

They eat in comfortable silence for a while, sending each other flirty, charged looks. Magnus has never had a meal that he’s enjoyed this much while also simultaneously wishing it would end soon so he can climb Alec like a tree. Alec’s ankle is now hooked around his and he’s close, but not quite close enough and his eyes are like honey, sticking to his skin and skimming down every curve, and every muscle. Magnus feels like he’s been put on display in a museum, the way Alec is looking at him. The hungry look in his eyes has nothing to do with food anymore and Magnus sets his spoon next to his empty bowl, skin buzzing with the anticipation of what’s about to come.

“We can clean up later, right?” Alec asks. Magnus nods, knowing he’s about to suggest they move this to the bedroom. Instead, Alec gets up and languidly makes his way to the couch, settling down on it and looking over his shoulder at Magnus. “Come here,” he says, tone still flirtatious. “I’m in the mood for some wine, aren’t you?”

Magnus nods in agreement, gets up and tops up their glasses, shuffling over to the couch as well. He’s confused about why Alec didn’t just ask where the bedroom was but he’s willing to go along with a bit of extended foreplay and teasing, if that’s what he wants.

He sits down a little further away from Alec than he usually would’ve and smirks into his glass at Alec’s mock hurt look. _Two can play at this game_ , Magnus thinks, putting his feet up on the coffee table and turning on the TV. “Netflix?” he asks innocently.

“Why not?” Alec agrees, sipping at his wine and spreading himself out on the couch so that he’s a little closer to Magnus without his intention seeming too obvious.

Magnus smiles to himself and flicks through several options before Alec tells him to stop, on an episode of _Schitt’s Creek_. Surprised, Magnus presses play and asks if Alec has seen the show before.

“It’s one of my favourites,” Alec admits. “I love how they’re so snobby in the beginning but then staying in the town softens them up and they end up loving it there.”

“Me too!” Magnus replies. “I love David’s arc especially. He and Patrick are so goddamn adorable.”

“I cried at that proposal,” Alec says, laughing. “It was so perfect.”

“One of the best TV proposals I’ve seen so far,” Magnus agrees.

They stop talking then and laugh at something Moira’s just said about ‘acting like a disgruntled pelican’. Before they know it, they’ve watched three episodes back-to-back, and ended up next to each other, almost cuddling.

“This is really nice,” Alec breathes against Magnus’s ear, making him shiver. “But what do you say we move onto…” he pauses, grinning and then continues, “dessert?”

Magnus groans, punching him in the shoulder. “You little tease,” he mutters, climbing onto Alec’s lap and running his hands down his biceps. He leans in, as if to kiss Alec, but stops barely centimetres away from his waiting lips, laughing.

“Who’s the tease now?” Alec asks, his voice a little rough but amused.

“You’re the one who suggested wine and Netflix,” Magnus reminds him, running a hand through his hair and mouthing at his ear. This makes Alec whimper and Magnus smiles, feeling pleased at getting such a reaction.

“And then dessert!” Magnus adds, biting down lightly. Alec makes a small, keening noise and his grip on Magnus tightens.

“Kiss me, Magnus,” Alec almost orders him, sending a thrill down Magnus’s spine at the authoritative tone. He obeys, leaning in and locking both hands behind Alec’s head, pulling him in closer.

Alec’s hands run up and down his back as Magnus kisses him thoroughly. _Schitt’s Creek_ continues in the background, but they don’t even notice because now Mangus is rolling his hips just right and Alec bites at his bottom lip and they’re both hard by now and their clothes are getting in the way.

“Fuck,” Alec breathes as Magnus leans back to look at him. Alec’s lips are red and kiss-swollen, his pupils blown wide and he’s breathing hard. Magnus’s own skin feels feverish and he knows his mouth must be red too.

“Can I take your shirt off?” Magnus asks, hand hovering over Alec’s buttons.

“Fuck yes,” Alec says. “Only if I can take yours off too.”

Magnus laughs and puts his hands up in the air so Alec can do just that. Then he moves onto Alec’s buttons and pops them open, taking his own sweet time with them and kissing every little new patch of skin as it’s revealed.

Alec squirms under him and as soon as his buttons are all open, shrugs off the shirt impatiently. Then he flips their bodies so that Magnus is lying down on the couch, head propped up on the armrest, with Alec hovering above him.

“I want to blow you,” he breathes out, sitting back on his knees, in between Magnus’s legs.

“Okay,” Magnus chews at his lip, his heart skipping in his chest.

Not needing anything else, Alec strips him of his pants and boxers as soon as the word leaves his mouth, and lowers himself over his crotch, hands on Magnus’s hips.

“Guide me,” Alec murmurs, taking one of Magnus’s hands and placing it on his own head. “Show me how you like it.”

“Fuck,” Magnus says as Alec pulls him a little close and mouths along the base of his cock, licking a stripe up the side and then finally closing his mouth over the tip, sucking very lightly, teasing. He pushes down on Alec’s head to urge him to take in a little more, and Alec obeys, swallowing down almost his entire length in a smooth move. Magnus is breathing hard, trying not to buck his hips and fuck into Alec’s mouth.

Alec bobs his head up and down, fingers digging into Magnus’s hips, probably hard enough to leave marks. His mouth feels amazing – warm and tight – and he’s almost gagging on Magnus’s cock when Magnus makes the mistake of looking down at him. His face is flushed, and his eyes have welled up a bit. His hair is rumpled and messy from Magnus’s constant pulling on it and he’s almost choking on Magnus’s cock. One of his hands traces the curve of Magnus’s ass and moves further inwards, resting the tip of his fingertip against Magnus’s asshole like he’d done before, that night in his own apartment. He pushes at it with the lightest pressure, probably because he remembers how it’d made Magnus come undone.

“I’m gonna,” Magnus manages to say in a strangled voice, pushing at Alec’s head for him to get off. Alec doesn’t budge though, stubborn and determined. Magnus arches his back and comes down his throat, feeling his toes curl.

“That was…” Magnus pants, searching for a word big enough to fit the feeling. _Incredible? Mind-blowing? Unbelievably sexy?_ None of them seem good enough. Fortunately, Alec gets it. He gets up, smiling and wiping at the come dribbling down his mouth. Magnus watches mesmerized and then pulls him in for a kiss.

He tastes salty and a little bitter, and Magnus licks into his mouth, feeling even more turned on at the taste of his own come.

“I’m thirsty,” Alec says, reaching for his half-empty glass. The wine is too warm by now though and he makes a face, setting it back.

“I’ll get you some water,” Magnus says, getting up, feeling like his bones are made of jelly.

“Perhaps some of that brownie, too?” Alec asks, adjusting himself in his pants and grinning. “Before we continue?”

“Coming right up,” Magnus laughs, stalking off to the kitchen completely naked. What’s the point of putting on his clothes again when they’re just going to be taken off again minutes later?

He plates up the brownies, picks up a pitcher of water and some glasses and carries it all back to the couch. Alec is curled up on one corner, hunched over his phone.

“Here you go,” Magnus smiles, pouring him a glass and turning to hand it over to him, when he notices Alec shaking slightly. “Fuck, what’s wrong?”

Alec doesn’t look up, but he does shake his head and put out a hand to say he doesn’t want to be touched. Magnus bites at his lip, worried sick, and takes the opportunity to quickly pull on his boxers again.

“Alexander,” he says softly, kneeling down on the carpet beside his hunched over figure, taking care not to touch him even accidentally. “Please, darling. Are you okay?”

Alec’s whole body is shaking violently now, and Magnus feels like he’s about to go out of his mind. “Are you having a panic attack? Did something happen? Please, Alec, I just want to help.” It’s devastating, not to be able to touch him but Magnus doesn’t want to even place a hand lightly on his knee without express permission.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck_ , his brain repeats over and over. “Please, Alec,” he nearly begs, his heart breaking at the way Alec is shaking.

“I’m okay,” Alec’s strained, hoarse voice is a relief to hear, even if he’s clearly lying.

“Alec,” Magnus says, shaking his head. _Please tell me what you need. What can I do? How do I stop this? How do I make it better?_

“It’s a panic attack,” Alec wheezes, his breathing ragged and uneven, his hands curled into tight fists. He straightens up a bit and Magnus is shocked to see his face, running with silent tears, his skin flushed and his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down from how hard he’s trying to swallow back more tears.

“Okay, okay,” Mangus murmurs, fidgeting and trying to keep himself calm. He’s no use to Alec if he’s a mess too. “Um, I read somewhere that regulating your breathing can help alleviate the anxiety. Do you want to try that?”

Alec takes a deep, shuddering breath and nods. Magnus nods back, murmuring ‘okay, okay, okay’ to himself, trying his best to remember what exactly he’d read.

“Breathe with me, okay?” He says, ducking his head a little to look at Alec. He places a hand over his chest, indicating Alec should imitate him and then breathes in deeply, counting it out loud so Alec can follow. “In. 1, 2, 3. Out. 1, 2, 3.”

Alec breathes with him for a few seconds, then hesitantly reaches for Magnus’s free hand, placing it with his own, on his chest, letting Magnus count his own breaths for him.

“In,” Magnus murmurs, palm flat against Alec’s chest. “And out.”

Alec’s eyes are closed now and Magnus shifts on his knees, trying to find a more comfortable position.

“And again,” he whispers quietly. “In. Out.”

Alec has stopped shaking by now, and his hand slips from Magnus’s hand, into his lap. He lets out a shaky, sigh and wipes at his face, looking ashamed of himself. Magnus climbs onto the couch, next to him and bites at his lip.

“Can I hug you?” he asks softly. “It’s okay if you don’t want me to.”

“It’s okay,” Alec nods, leaning into Magnus’s side and letting him wrap his arms around his shoulders, pulling him in as close as he can.

“Feeling better?” Magnus asks after a few minutes, rubbing his hand soothingly across Alec’s back.

“Much,” Alec replies, leaning away and looking ashamed again. “I’m so sorry for freaking out on you. I haven’t gotten a panic attack in years, and never one as bad as this one. I’m so sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” Magnus says firmly, keeping one hand on Alec’s shoulder, but giving him space otherwise. “This is not your fault at all.”

“But I didn’t want you to have to handle anything like this,” Alec murmurs, looking away.

Magnus doesn’t reply for a minute. The implication behind Alec’s words is clear – he’s not comfortable showing Magnus this side of him. It hurts but it’s a hard truth: their relationship is based on certain rules. Like Magnus had first explained to Alec the day he gave him the contract, it’s a relationship that cannot grow and evolve with time. The rules are there so that none of them expects anything more from each other than what they’ve clearly stated at the beginning. Magnus is frustrated with this now, but he knows there’s nothing he can do about it without uprooting their entire contract and declaring it null and void.

He has to work within the rules.

“I’m sorry, Alec. But there’s nothing you can do about that now and I’m not a monster that’ll turn you out on the streets after something like this,” he says, then pauses. He’s not sure how his next suggestion will go over with Alec, but there’s no harm in trying. “For tonight, do you want to maybe just, forget the contract? Can I please comfort you and take care of you without sticking to our rules? Can I just be there for you, as a friend and as somebody who cares about you?”

Alec takes a minute to think about it, his fingers fidgeting, and then looks up at Magnus, face bathed in relief. “Okay,” he whispers. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Magnus repeats, nodding to himself. He pulls Alec into his arms again and hugs him tightly. “How about I make you some tea and then we can talk about it, if you like.”

“Okay,” Alec agrees. Magnus squeezes him once more before getting up to go make the tea he’d promised. It’s such an English thing to do but it’s something that Ragnor had always done for him, and it’s the only thing he can think of now.

Surreptitiously, he googles ‘what to do after a panic attack’ on his phone while he waits for the water to boil. Most of the websites talk about breathing techniques and he’d already done that. As far as he could tell, Alec was breathing normally now. Some of the blogs mentioned feeling negatively about oneself, and countering that with positive self-talk. Well, they could try that.

Magnus pours out the tea, scrolling through more websites, all of which encourage the person to talk to a loved one. Sighing, he tucks his phone under his arm and takes out the tea, hoping Alec is okay to stay over and talk it out.

“Here you go,” Magnus says, handing over a steaming mug to Alec.

“Thank you,” Alec murmurs, wrapping both hands around the mug and taking a deep breath.

“Alexander,” Magnus starts, sitting down so that he’s facing him. “I’ve read that talking about what triggered the attack can be very helpful. Or even just talking about your feelings in general. Especially after the one you had, which like you said, was much bigger than the ones you’ve had in the past.”

Alec nods, but doesn’t reply. Magnus continues, hesitantly. “I know perhaps I’m not the perfect person to talk to but I’m here for you, believe me when I say that. Everything you say will be confidential and if you want, we can never refer to it again.”

“I know,” Alec murmurs. “Um, I haven’t told you about something important about my mom that happened a few days ago.”

“Okay,” Magnus nods, glad that he’s opening up. Until now, he’s been wondering if the panic attack has something to do with him – did he do something wrong? Did he fuck up? But now that Alec’s said it’s about his mother, Magnus feels a tiny bit relieved.

“My siblings and I,” Alec continues, taking a deep breath, “We went over to her place for lunch and we ended up confronting her about everything she’s been doing to us. All the horrible, controlling things.”

Magnus reaches out to place his hand on Alec’s knee, nodding. He doesn’t want to speak before Alec is done.

“She didn’t take it too well. We left before we even finished the meal and Izzy was really upset so I couldn’t also show how upset I was. I needed to be there for Iz.” Alec takes a sip from his mug and clears his throat.

“Anyway, I was working through it on my own terms and making the best of it but then right now, when you left to get the brownies, um, my mom texted me.” Alec stops, closing his eyes and trying to breathe calmly. Magnus stays silent.

“Here,” Alec unlocks his phone, pulls up the message and shows it to Magnus. “I can’t read it again.”

Magnus takes the phone and reads the text, his blood boiling with every word he reads.

_You are no son of mine if you continue like this. You will either finish your degree, do your internship in a proper, finance related field instead of settling for a disgusting, service job, marry a good, rich woman and settle down, or never set foot in my house again. And you can tell Isabelle I expect the same from her. If she cannot do something worthwhile or find a man suitable for herself, she is no longer welcome either. I expect you two to realize your mistakes and come ask me for forgiveness._

Magnus reaches the end of the text and realizes he’s squeezing his mug so hard, it might shatter.

“I’m so sorry, Alec,” he murmurs, not knowing what else to say, how else to make it better.

“I don’t care about the stuff she said to me,” Alec says, his voice breaking. “But how am I supposed to tell Izzy all that?”

“Shh,” Mangus says, patting his knee soothingly. “It’s okay. She’s amazingly strong. You need to tell her so she can cut your mother out of her life for good so she can never hurt either of you again.”

“I don’t think I can do it,” Alec half-sobs. “Izzy was so upset after that lunch, even though mom treated her horribly.”

“Darling, I’ve only met your sister once, but I can tell you, she’s strong as hell,” Magnus says, smiling a little.

“She is,” Alec agrees, wiping at his eyes again. “But I don’t know if I am.”

“You are,” Magnus exclaims. “You’re so strong and gentle and kind and you deserve the world, Alec. You don’t deserve a parent like Maryse.”

Alec nods, looking a little embarrassed at the praise. He doesn’t say anything for a minute, drinking some more of his tea.

“Thank you, Magnus,” he says after a while, looking at him with immense gratitude.

“Don’t mention it,” Magnus replies, smiling.

He waits until they’ve finished their teas before speaking again. “Alexander, would you like to stay over tonight? I don’t want you to go home like this.”

Alec nods, not meeting his eyes. “Okay,” he says. Then he looks up guiltily. “I’m sorry I ruined our night.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Magnus says sternly.

He gently takes Alec’s hand and leads him into his bedroom where he motions to the left side of the bed and waits until Alec has sat down on the edge. Then he drops to his knees, undoes his belt buckle carefully and pulls off his pants and then his socks.

“Do you want pyjamas?” He asks, folding the clothes neatly and placing them on a nearby chair.

“No, it’s okay,” Alec says, looking a little embarrassed. “Are you getting in too?”

“Just a minute,” Magnus assures him, going off to the bathroom. He cuts his nightly routine back as much as he can and comes out barely ten minutes later. Alec has gotten under the covers, but he still looks a little lost. Magnus smiles, turns off the light and gets in next to him.

“I know you like being the little spoon, but will you hold me for a bit, please?” Alec asks, voice very quiet and hesitant.

“Of course,” Magnus replies, wrapping both arms and legs around him, hugging tightly. He presses a kiss to the nearest piece of skin he can find, which happens to be his collarbone, and hums quietly.

“Are you singing me a lullaby?” Alec asks, the hint of a laugh in his voice.

“No,” Magnus denies it quickly.

“You’re too cute,” Alec murmurs, smiling against Magnus’s chest.

Magnus laughs, running his fingers lightly through Alec’s hair, scratching at the scalp soothingly.

“Magnus,” Alec whispers after a while.

“Hmm?”

“I’m going to quit grad-school and go for that job at Tan’s full-time,” Alec says.

Magnus lets out a delighted noise. “I’m so proud of you, Alexander,” he exclaims.

“Thank you.” A pause, then: “For everything.”

“Not a problem at all. I’m going to call Xavier tomorrow and tell him the good news.”

Alec laughs, snuggling in closer. He sighs and settles down, drifting off after a while. Magnus stays up, playing with his hair and thinking about how he’d like to do this every night.


	17. high, high hopes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I have a surprise for you,” he suddenly remembers, chuckling. Magnus leans back, looking intrigued.
> 
> “Oh?”
> 
> “Yeah,” Alec winks, taking one of Magnus’s hands and slipping it beneath the waistband of his pants, letting Magnus feel the soft, lacy underwear he’s wearing.
> 
> “Alexander,” Magnus exclaims, his eyes widening and his mouth curling into a delighted grin. “You didn’t!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're in the home stretch now, boys and gals. 
> 
> ps. this chapter features one of my fave characters from 'the good place' hehe. she just seemed like a perfect fit and i couldn't not write her in. cheers to cameos :D

Entering his apartment at the end of his first week at his new job at Tan’s, Alec feels beyond exhausted, but simultaneously, happier than he’d ever felt in his entire life. Though every part of him hurts and he can barely think straight, he is so unbearably _content_. It’s a new and unfamiliar feeling but he could really get used to it.

He throws his keys into the little tray he keeps them in and flops onto his bed, still fully clothed. A week ago, after his panic attack, he’d firmly decided to quit grad school and take up a restaurant job – any restaurant job. It didn’t even have to be Tan’s. He just wanted to finally do what he loved to do.

But then Magnus had stepped in, like a wonderful guardian angel, as always, and talked to Xavier, who still remembered the chili he’d tasted and offered Alec a spot in his kitchen almost immediately. It wasn’t the assistant chef job that he’d been offered earlier, but it was better than nothing. He’d have to work his way up to the top, but Xavier had taken a definite liking to him and was taking him under his wing.

That was half the reason for the long hours as well: on top of his regular shifts in the kitchen, Xavier wanted to meet with him separately every few days and groom him personally. Alec loved his job.

He hadn’t told Maryse that he was quitting, but he was sure she’d have found out by now because the school would’ve sent her an email or some sort of notification, considering how she was listed as his emergency contact in the NYU Stern application. She hadn’t texted him or contacted him though, for which Alec was eternally grateful. After what she’d said, he really did not have the energy to argue with her or even try to get her to see his point of view. Finally, he could see how toxic she was – how she’d very nearly ruined his life with her excessive desire to control it. He still felt sad, though. She was all alone now. Her husband might’ve left her but now her children had too.

Shaking away the thoughts of his mother, Alec groans and gets up to go change and get ready for bed. The one not-so-nice thing that had come out of this new job was that he barely got time to see Magnus anymore. When he was free, Magnus was working and when Magnus was working, he was free. Alec also had the night shift for half the week, which meant he was sleeping through the day. It sucked but Alec was hoping it would get better soon. Xavier had said he might be switching him to the afternoon shift when the month ended.

He thinks back to the wonderful week he’d had, cooking and doing what he liked best, and smiles at his reflection in the mirror. Everyone he knew had been so supportive; Magnus most of all, and Izzy and Jace and even Lydia, who he hadn’t been expecting would understand fully. But it had been just like the time he’d come out to her after high school – she’d smiled at him and told him she was proud of him for finally doing what he wanted to do.

“I could tell your heart wasn’t in finance,” she’d shrugged when he asked her how she knew. “I’m no dumbass, Alec. I’m your best friend.”

Alec felt more loved than he’d ever had before. He’d even felt strong enough to finally tell Izzy what their mother had said. She hadn’t taken it too well, but Alec knew she was going to be okay. Like Magnus said, it was better for her to know and not have any hope left, than for her to keep hoping for a better time and be disappointed and hurt by their mom’s continued actions.

It’s nearly 3.45 a.m. by the time he’s finally ready to go to sleep and he’s in bed, setting his alarms when his phone vibrates softly, indicating that Magnus is calling. Feeling worried, Alec picks up.

“Magnus, is everything okay?” he breathes out, fingers clutching the bedspread nervously. It’s the middle of the night and _he’s_ just gotten back from work but Mangus should’ve been sleeping right now.

“Everything’s fine, Alexander,” Magnus says with the hint of a laugh, his voice slightly sleepy and rough. It sounds like he’s just woken up. “We just haven’t been able to talk lately so I thought I’d call at a time when I knew you’d be back from work.”

Alec smiles widely to himself, not trying to hide it because he knows Magnus can’t see it. “That’s really sweet of you,” he murmurs, shifting onto his side to a more comfortable position and putting him on speakerphone so he can talk to him properly without having to hold his hand up to his ear continuously.

“How was your day?”

“It was really tiring but I loved every second of it. Xavier is literally a culinary god.”

Magnus chuckles and goes silent for a few seconds. “I remember the first time I met you, you called Raphael a finance god.”

“I did, didn’t I?” Alec laughs sleepily. “How was your day?”

“Oh, you know. The usual. Ms. Queen is a manipulative, awful person but we signed the contract, so we’re stuck with her now,” Magnus sighs. “I wish her father hadn’t passed away and left her in charge. When I said I wanted to be exclusive with Seelie Industries, I didn’t mean this new one with that woman as CEO.”

Alec listens to Magnus’s voice without really listening to what he’s saying – he’s too sleepy to focus right now and his voice is extremely soothing. “Mmm,” he murmurs in reply, unable to form actual words.

“Darling, you’re almost asleep, aren’t you?” Magnus asks, clearly smiling.

“Almost,” Alec agrees, barely above a whisper.

“Sleep tight, love,” Magnus replies. “I’ll talk to you later.”

Alec nods and then realizes Magnus can’t see him. “Bye, M’gnus.”

“Goodnight, Alexander.”

Alec barely has enough energy to press ‘end call’ before he falls into a deep sleep.

*

Another week passes in a similar fashion, before he finally gets almost two full days off. His shift on Saturday ends at 11 a.m. and the next one isn’t until Monday afternoon, 2 p.m. Alec texts Magnus this and sets up a breakfast with his siblings because he’s dying to see them properly.

 **[To: Alec, 12.19 p.m.]** YES! CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU AGAIN BIG BRO

He smiles at Izzy’s enthusiastic response. She’s doing a lot better now: she’d been acing her tests and had gone on quite a few more dates with Maia. Alec couldn’t be happier for her.

 **[To: Alec, 12.22 p.m.]** Yeah man, just tell us where and when and we’ll be there. I can’t wait to tell you both all about Clary.

Alec raises an eyebrow reading Jace’s text. He hadn’t expected Clary to hang around for this long – it might just be Jace’s longest relationship yet. Perhaps she really is a special one, like he’d said. Alec is glad he’s found someone.

Mangus doesn’t reply until after lunch and when he does, it’s to invite Alec out to a gala benefit Bane Inc. is holding.

 **[To: Alec, 2.45 p.m.]** Oh, darling, I’m so glad. I was about to ask you if you could make it to this gala the company is holding this weekend, but I didn’t know if you’d be free or not. I know it’s the longest break you’ve had in a while though, so if you want to take the time to rest instead, I completely understand. But I’d really love for you to be my plus one. Let me know?

There’s a picture of an invitation card attached to the text. The gala is being held on Saturday night at 8 p.m., which sounds perfect. Alec replies, feeling excited about getting to spend time with Mangus in a more social setting – wearing tuxedos, perhaps even dancing? This is a side of Magnus he hasn’t been exposed to a lot, so Alec is quite intrigued. If it’s a gala being held by Bane Inc., perhaps Magnus will even make a speech.

 **[To: Magnus, 2.50 p.m.]** I’d love to come! Pick me up at 7?

 **[To: Alec, 2.52 p.m.]** Done. By the way, I picked up Chairman Meow a few days ago. He is an absolute delight.

Alec smiles at the selfie Magnus sends, his grinning face smushed into the cat’s grumpy one. It’s possibly the cutest picture he’s ever seen of Magnus and he surreptitiously ensures that it’s saved on his phone.

 **[To: Magnus, 2.55 p.m.]** Oh my god, he’s adorable. Chairman Meow is rather cute too.

He sends the cheeky text and grins to himself. Usually its Magnus who flirts with him like this but he’s feeling a bit too euphoric right now and isn’t too concerned with censoring how he really feels.

 **[To: Alec, 2.57 p.m.]** Oh, Alexander.

 **[To: Alec, 2.58 p.m.]** You’ll be the death of me.

Alec doesn’t know how to respond to that without flirting a bit too much, so he just sends a wink emoji and leaves it at that. In any case, his break ends at 3 p.m., and he needs to get back to work.

*

On Saturday, at 7 p.m. exactly, Magnus calls him to let him know he’s downstairs. Alec locks up the apartment and leaves, feeling excited. He’s wearing a classic tuxedo that he’d bought with Magnus that day when they went shopping together. They got it altered a bit, so it fits him just right and Alec is quite pleased with how good he looks. He knows Magnus will have gone all out and will probably be wearing something incredibly gorgeous, so he wanted to make sure that as his plus one, he looked nice too.

After a fair bit of hesitating and wondering if it would be too much, Alec had also put on a pair of lacy, red panties that he’d bought online recently. He remembered Magnus’s lingerie kink and tonight seemed like the perfect night to explore that. Alec didn’t know if it was too forward of him to think that the night would just end at the gala, but he was really hoping it didn’t.

The ‘car’ waiting for him is more like a limousine and Alec chuckles at the sight of it. Magnus is the single-most dramatic person he knows and it’s just like him to pull out all stops. Alec almost feels like he’s going to prom.

“Alexander,” Magnus greets as Alec slips into the extremely spacious seat. “You look stunning.”

Alec smiles and decides to save the lacy surprise for later. He looks at Magnus and isn’t surprised at all by how gorgeous he looks. He’s wearing a four piece-suit with the most intricate detailing, a silk cravat and the most subtle golden eyeshadow. He looks amazing and Alec says as much, causing Magnus to blush slightly.

“So, what’s the gala about?” Alec asks as they crawl through New York traffic.

“It’s for our project where we give loans to smaller, local businesses to help them grow,” Magnus explains. “Usually it’s really hard for them to compete with MNCs or larger, conglomerate groups and businesses, but we really wanted to give them a fighting chance too. Banks won’t give them the time of day, but we try our best.”

Alec is surprised. “I didn’t know Bane Inc. did that too,” he says. “I thought you just owned a bunch of things.”

Magnus laughs. “Oh, there’s a lot we do that you don’t know about.”

“That’s really cool, though.”

“I know.”

The conversation turns to the specifics of such loans and for a second, Alec misses finance. He’s surprised at this sentiment – he’d hated the field so much when he was studying it. Without his mother’s pressure, though, he finds that he can appreciate the business side a lot more.

By the time Magnus has finished explaining how the loans work, they’ve reached the venue and Alec notices that there’s a red carpet leading up to the entrance. He turns his head towards Magnus, looking a little alarmed.

“Do I have to go on the red carpet too?” He asks, feeling apprehensive. He’s never done anything like it before, and he’s not sure what the etiquette is either.

“There’s a back entrance so you don’t necessarily _have_ to, but I’d like it if you did,” Magnus replies, looking hopeful.

Alec looks back at the carpet and the big crowd of photographers on one side of it. There’s a woman in a black dress walking down it, stopping every few steps to pose for the cameras. It doesn’t look too bad. And he’s quite excited at the idea of being photographed with Magnus; it sounds rather official.

“I’ll do it,” he turns back to Magnus, smiling.

“Great,” Magnus exclaims, leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek. “Okay, it’s quite simple. There’s no interviewers so there won’t be any random, invasive questions being thrown at us. It’s just photographers. Just relax and walk down it like you normally would. I’ll be right next to you. We’ll stop every few seconds and pose for a minute and that’s basically it.”

Alec nods, looking back outside.

“Would you be okay if I held your hand or put an arm around your waist? It would indicate we’re together, though, so if you want, we can walk separately too. If you’re not ready, I mean,” Magnus says hesitantly, fiddling with his cravat.

“No, I want to walk down with you, holding hands and shit,” Alec grins.

“Okay,” Magnus looks rather pleased. “Okay, let’s do this.”

The camera flashes are blinding but Magnus’s grip is tight and grounding and Alec smiles at the photographers until his jaw hurts. They pose together in a very couple-y manner, with Magnus’s arm protectively curled around his waist, looking up at him with a bright smile.

The carpet is over before he knows it, though, and they’re ushered into the main event hall by people in all black, wearing headsets and holding clipboards. Alec is quite impressed at the scale of the event. He had not been expecting something this grand.

“Darling, I must mingle,” Magnus says once they’re inside, almost near the middle of the hall. “Do you want to accompany me? I’m afraid it might get a little boring at times, but I’d love for you to meet the people I work with.”

Alec nods enthusiastically. “I’d love to,” he replies.

Magnus smiles delightedly, and tucks his arm in his, steering him towards a beautiful, tall woman in a gorgeous silver dress. Her full skirt is embroidered with pastel flowers and even Alec, who knows nothing about fashion or style, loves it. She’s surrounded by a bunch of people but when Magnus approaches, she comes towards him with a huge smile on her face.

“Magnus Bane!” she exclaims, going in for a hug.

“Tahani,” Magnus smiles. “You’ve outdone yourself, darling,” he waves a hand around at the hall and she smiles modestly.

“Oh, it’s nothing, darling,” she says. Her accent is British, and Alec is just wondering who she is exactly when Mangus turns to him.

“Alexander, this is Tahani al-Jamil, my event planner extraordinaire. She’s thrown the best galas the world has ever seen, and I never hire anyone else,” he introduces the woman. He turns to Tahani then and rubs a hand over Alec’s arm. “This is Alexander, my partner.”

Tahani smiles widely and leans in to hug Alec too, startling him slightly. She smells like roses.

“Oh, you’re such a darling,” she pats his cheek in a rather maternal fashion and smiles at him. “Magnus, this one seems quite a catch.”

Alec clears his throat, embarrassed and murmurs a ‘thank you’. He’s always been a little awkward around new people, but he hopes it’s not too obvious.

“Darling, I’m so sorry, I _must_ get back to the caterer,” Tahani suddenly exclaims, excusing herself with promises to catch up with them later.

“She’s one hell of a woman,” Magnus chuckles once she’s gone. “She’s really done a fabulous job once again.” The hall, which is decorated in a tasteful colour scheme of blue and silver, does look rather amazing, Alec will admit.

The next hour and a half consists of meeting various people Magnus has worked with or is working with or hopes to work with. Alec is amazed at how he can keep all of them straight in his head – not only does Magnus know exactly who everyone is, he also knows about their families, their pets and where they’ve vacationed recently, and is able to strike up an engaging conversation with each person.

“Whew,” Magnus sighs once they’ve circulated the entire hall, danced a bit and found a moment to themselves finally. He’s pulled Alec into a tiny alcove off the corridor which the caterers are using to serve dinner and it’s dark and Alec is suddenly very turned on by how amazing Magnus is as CEO of Bane Inc.

“I have to give a thank you speech in a couple of minutes but right now I just want to thank you for coming with me,” Magnus murmurs, leaning in and resting his head against Alec’s shoulder.

Alec wraps his arms around Magnus’s shoulders and hugs him tightly. He can’t even imagine doing what Magnus has been doing all night. That kind of networking must be exhausting.

“I have a surprise for you,” he suddenly remembers, chuckling. Magnus leans back, looking intrigued.

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” Alec winks, taking one of Magnus’s hands and slipping it beneath the waistband of his pants, letting Magnus feel the soft, lacy underwear he’s wearing.

“Alexander,” Magnus exclaims, his eyes widening and his mouth curling into a delighted grin. “You didn’t!”

“I did, indeed,” Alec laughs, shivering a bit as Magnus’s hand travels further south, brushing over his cock through the thin fabric. “I remembered how you said you liked a man in lingerie.”

“You’re amazing,” Magnus breathes out, taking his hand out of his pants and pulling him in by the lapels for a kiss. “I can’t wait to ravish you once this is over,” he murmurs against Alec’s mouth, nosing along his jaw and kissing at a spot on his neck.

“Fuck,” Alec says lamely, unable to form proper words.

“I’m going to eat you out until you’re begging me to touch you,” Magnus continues, voice dark and low. Alec feels himself getting hard and groans at the torture.

“Stop,” he pleads, pushing Magnus away a little. “Go give your speech and then take me home.”

Magnus grins, straightening both of their clothes. “Impatient, much?”

“Fuck you,” Alec laughs, willing his hard-on to go away.

“I can’t wait,” Magnus winks. Alec just groans and pushes him out of the alcove.

*

Unfortunately, things do not work out the way they both want them to. At the end of the dinner, when people are about to leave and Magnus has slipped his hand in Alec’s, ready to leave as well, Raphael and another man walk up to them, looking grim.

“What’s wrong?” Magnus asks anxiously, looking at the expression on their faces.

“It’s urgent,” Raphael says quietly, leaning in so nobody overhears them. “It’s about Seelie Industries. There’s an emergency, Magnus and we need you immediately.”

“Everything okay?” Alec murmurs, rubbing Magnus’s back soothingly as he frowns at Raphael.

“I don’t know,” Magnus replies, accepting the phone that the other man now hands him and reading the article’s headline. “Fuck.”

Alec reads it over his shoulder, eyes widening. _Ms. Queen’s Secret Twin Murders PA In A Take Over Attempt_.

“Sounds like a telenovela,” Alec murmurs quietly, almost to himself.

“Fuck,” Magnus says again, handing the phone back and shrugging on his jacket. “Darling, I’m so sorry I have to leave. This is a PR nightmare and I need to get over there and find out what’s happening. Smooth things over.”

Alec nods, knowing Magnus can’t ignore this. He’s disappointed that their plans for the night are ruined but this is more important than that.

“Go,” he says to Magnus. “I’ll be okay. Talk to you later?”

“I’ll call you,” Magnus nods, leaning in to kiss him briefly before leaving with Raphael and the other man, both of whom are now busy texting and calling various important people who can help smooth things out.

Alec sighs and takes out his phone to call Roy.

*

The poor, murdered PA is all over the news the next day. Alec reads all the articles he can get his hands on and pieces together the full story. Apparently, on the occasion of Ms. Queen’s father’s death, he’d left his entire company and all of his assets to his daughter. When Ms. Queen’s twin sister, Lilith, who had been in and out of rehab since she was a teenager, found out about this, she took a loaded gun and tried to break into the main offices at Seelie Industries, with the intention of getting her sister to sign over half of the company to her. The PA had tried to stop her, but she’d shot him. Security had gotten there before she could make it to her sister’s offices, thankfully, but the PA was too badly injured to make it.

Alec reads the tabloids and the papers with growing astonishment and amazement. The story is so surreal, its almost unbelievable. He feels sorry for Magnus, who has to deal with all of this. He’s been so busy, he hasn’t even gotten a chance to call Alec, like he’d said he would. All Alec’s heard from him is a text late Sunday morning, asking if he got home okay and apologizing for not remembering to call him a car.

It’s the third day now and later that night, when Alec is back from his afternoon shift and has showered and tucked himself in for a much-needed _Schitt’s Creek_ rewatch, his phone finally rings. He pauses the episode and picks it up, smiling.

“Magnus.”

“Oh, it’s so good to hear your voice,” Magnus sighs at the other end of the line. “I’ve been up to my neck in this PR shit for three days now and I’m so fucking tired.”

“Is it any better now?” Alec asks, fiddling with the edge of his quilt.

“Much,” Magnus replies. “I should be back in another day or so.”

Alec smiles, and hums in acknowledgement.

“Alexander,” Magnus starts, sounding tentative. “Can we please go away for a while, just the two of us? We keep getting interrupted and I want you all to myself for a bit.”

Alec feels his heart race and his cheeks heat up at the question. “I’d like that,” he agrees. “I don’t know if I can take time off work this week but perhaps early next week? If you can take some time off too?”

“I can take my vacation days,” Magnus says. “I haven’t used any this year.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Wear those lace panties, will you?” Magnus says quietly, his voice flirtatious and slightly turned on.

“Of course,” Alec replies.

“I’ll tell you more details once I figure it out, okay? Just let me know the days you can take off as soon as you find out.”

“Will do,” Alec says before saying goodbye and hanging up. He feels slightly flustered but excited at the prospect of going away with Magnus for a proper vacation, even if it’s just for a couple of days or just a weekend. Hopefully, this time, nothing will interrupt them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> three chapters left! will they manage to go on this trip? will they finally have sex? will they finally admit their true feelings for each other? will they tear up the contract? find out soon :p 
> 
> (ps. sorry i'm such a tease for always writing them getting cockblocked. i promise they'll have some fun, uninterrupted sexy times before we end though!!!)


	18. you can set yourself on fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m all yours,” Alec replies with a smile that is more tender than Magnus has ever seen, and it does something – low in his gut – a warm sort of feeling, not sexual but just as overwhelming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just two chapters to go!!! hopefully they'll be up super sooonnn. tysm for sticking around <3

Almost a week goes by before Magnus can figure out how to spend some completely uninterrupted, quality time with Alec and while it’s not the most perfect scenario ever, like he’d dreamt of, it’s still a full three days away from most of civilization, and after all the frustratingly untimely terminated make out sessions they’ve had so far, he’ll take just about anything.

“Sounds better than trying to get it on with you and getting disrupted by my mom or your clients,” Alec chuckles when Magnus explains the logistics of the weekend-long company retreat to him over the phone during one of his lunch breaks.

“I will have to make an appearance for some of the activities and events, but the rest of the time, it can be just you and me. And, um, I was thinking we could share a room, if you’re comfortable with that,” Magnus asks uncertainly. Though they have spent a night with each other, it’s been a one-time thing. By agreeing to share a hotel room, Alec would be agreeing to spending three full days and two full nights with him; essentially, more or less living with him, albeit temporarily.

“Of course,” Alec agrees immediately, voice betraying his excitement at the thought. It makes Magnus grin stupidly to himself and cradle the phone closer, as if it’s Alec and he’s snuggling up to him.

“I was hoping you’d say yes,” he says softly. “My nights are all yours then, even if I do have to go away for a bit during the days.”

“I can’t wait,” Alec replies quietly.

They stay on the line, in silence, for a couple of comfortable seconds before Alec laughs. “I’d love to accompany you while you finish up your lunch break, but unfortunately, mine is almost over.”

“Oh, yes, of course,” Magnus smiles, feeling a little embarrassed. “Sorry to keep you, darling. Please thank Xavier from me for letting you take this time off of work.”

“Will do,” Alec replies.

They say goodbye and hang up and Magnus is left with his half-eaten salad in front of him, his stomach full of butterflies.

*

The retreat is being held in a very charming, secluded spot in the Adirondacks, near the Charley Lake. Magnus is not quite sure what HR has planned for this year’s retreat, but if he has any of the previous ones to go by, it’s mostly going to be a few fun activities on the first day, a couple of hiking tours on the second and a free day on the third, for all of them to just relax and hang out. They’re supposed to get there at 9 a.m. for check in on Friday and leave before 9 p.m. on Sunday night.

He’d told Alec this, who’d said that he was working until 9 a.m. on Friday morning, but that it was okay, he’d come in a little later and that Magnus could go ahead and travel with his co-workers. That worked out perfectly, since Alec would want to take a nap and get some rest after he got there, and Magnus would be busy until 3 p.m. at least, with that first day’s activities. They’d made plans for a late lunch, and Magnus is hoping to spend the entire evening curled up with Alec. Preferably in bed. Naked.

He smiles as he glances at his watch, mingling with his employees at the picnic brunch they’re having. It’s 11.45 a.m. and Alec is probably here by now and just checking in. He sends him quick text to find out if he found the room and to tell him that he’s free to help himself to the mini bar, before pocketing his phone and turning back to Raphael and Dot, who are a little tipsy and exchanging stories about their respective partners and how they proposed.

Magnus absently realizes that he didn’t know Dot was engaged/married and feels a bit guilty about not putting in more effort in getting to know his employees. He’s never been the kind to be on _extremely_ friendly terms with them, but he has always known the basics – enough for him not to feel left out in conversations like these.

Fortunately, either Dot doesn’t notice his slightly guilty silence or is too tipsy to care, because she keeps talking animatedly and pretty soon, Magnus knows all about her girlfriend’s almost-failed proposal because Dot thought the ring was an actual prize from the carnival game they’d been playing and had dismissed it soon after the stall owner had given it to her. It was only when she’d looked around for her girlfriend and seen her on one knee, half-laughing, half-crying, that she’d realized what was actually happening.

Soon, they’re joined by other employees with their own relationship stories and the next few hours fly by without Magnus even noticing. At 3.15 p.m., everyone’s full, sleepy, and more than a little tipsy and one by one, starts to wander off to their rooms or down to the lake. Magnus finally excuses himself from the tiny group that’s left and makes his way back to his own room.

He didn’t drink half as much as his co-workers, not wanting to be absolutely shit-faced when he finally met Alec, but he did have a couple of glasses of wine and now he feels pleasantly buzzed, accompanied by a bundle of nerves about seeing Alec and the prospect of spending the rest of the day with just him. He unlocks the door and steps in quietly, noticing the room is dark.

“Alexander?” He says softly, his eyes slowly adjusting to the lack of light.

A fond smile spreads over his face when he sees Alec, still curled up in the bed, his chest rising and falling with each slow breath. Magnus goes over to the window and cracks open the curtains just a little, enough for a bit of the wintery, afternoon sunlight to peak through. When he turns back to look at Alec, there’s a thin ray falling over his face, splitting it in two. The illuminated half is in sharp relief to the other half and Magnus is momentarily stunned by just how handsome Alec really is. His eyes, though closed, are perfectly framed by the longest eyelashes Magnus has ever seen on a man and his mouth, slack in repose, is still the most gorgeous, most kissable mouth Magnus knows. There’s a hint of stubble across the sweep of his jaw, and Magnus grins at that, skin itching for the delicious burn it’ll cause.

He slips into the bed, next to Alec and skims a hand almost reverently over the slope of his bare shoulder where it crests from underneath the sheets. His breath catches when the movement causes the sheet to slip and reveal that perfect, muscled chest and the soft tummy that Magnus would give anything to lie his head down on and have Alec run his fingers through his hair. In his sleep, Alec snuffles adorably and curls closer, his body unconsciously searching for more contact.

Magnus smiles to himself as he dips his palm lower, fingers skimming the top of Alec’s hips, the sheet only just covering the soft V of them. Not wanting to go any lower without Alec’s consent, Magnus calls out his name gently.

“Mmm,” Alec hums, eyes fluttering open and mouth twisting into a delighted smile when he sees Magnus next to him. “Good morning. Or rather, good afternoon,” he says, reaching out to cup Magnus’s cheek and pull him in.

“Morning – afternoon breath?” Mangus scrunches his nose a bit, laughing at Alec’s disgruntled expression at having to get out of bed and brush his teeth before he can kiss him.

“Fine,” he huffs, rising and letting the sheet pool around his waist. Magnus nearly stops breathing when he spots the wisp of black lace.

Not paying any attention to Magnus’s reaction, Alec gets up and walks over to their bathroom, lace-clad ass on full display. When he reaches the door though, he can’t help but sneak a glance over his shoulder at Magnus ‘s open-mouthed face.

“Fuck, Alexander,” Magnus whispers, staring without shame. “You’d better get back here quickly.”

Alec laughs and actually _shimmies_ into the bathroom. Magnus takes a deep breath, scrubbing a hand across his face and stripping out of his tight pants and silk shirt. He leaves his boxers on and is in the process of deciding whether to pull on some sweatpants if he’s just going to take them off again soon, when Alec re-enters the room.

The front view is even better than the back: there’s a small, white satin bow which has Magnus almost losing his mind. When Alec had casually suggested they go lingerie shopping someday, Magnus had been delighted at the prospect, but now he finds that he’s not even one bit sad that Alec had done that part without him. The final result – the fabric stretched across Alec’s broad hips and the fuzzy happy trail dipping invitingly into the lace – is enough to blow Magnus’s mind. He’s not even sure he could’ve taken Alec modelling several versions of this.

“Fuck, you’re so gorgeous,” he murmurs almost absent-mindedly as he stalks over to where Alec is standing, watching him with hooded eyes. Coming to a stop in front of him, Magnus slowly trails his eyes down Alec’s body, tracing over it with his fingertips, light and teasing. He watches as Alec’s stomach moves when he sucks in a sharp breath and then he reaches for Magnus, hands coming to rest lightly on his elbows.

“Are you going to be this horribly slow forever?” Alec complains when Magnus’s fingers skim over the lace.

Magnus looks up and grins. “We have all the time in the world, Alexander,” he says innocently as he drops down to his knees.

Still looking up at Alec, knowing full well the affect it’s having on him, Magnus leans in to mouth at Alec’s half-hard cock through the lace. He applies the lightest suction and smiles to himself when Alec’s hands settle heavily in his hair, pushing his head closer to get more friction and more contact.

“All in good time, darling,” Magnus says, pressing a kiss to Alec’s hipbone before getting up again.

Alec groans at the loss of Magnus’s touch and leans in for a kiss, pressing his mouth to Magnus’s with a quiet sort of desperation. It’s been too long, and Magnus can feel his very bones ignite. All of his stress from the past week melts away and he slides his hands up Alec’s arms and locks them behind his neck, pulling him in as close as he possible can, feeling the strange urge to burrow into his skin, to meld their bodies together.

Alec takes the lead then, manoeuvring them towards the bed. They tumble onto it as gracefully as they can without letting go of each other and then they’re laughing and it’s the happiest Magnus has been in a long, long time. It feels like the euphoria is literally running through his veins and he feels like he might burst into giggles at any moment, so he buries his face in the side of Alec’s neck, kissing a trail down his scratchy jaw and revelling in the feel of the stubble against his skin.

“I’m so glad we’re finally doing this,” Alec murmurs from underneath him, his fingers carding through Magnus’s hair.

“Me too,” Magnus replies truthfully, sitting up and straddling Alec’s hips. He splays his fingers over Alec’s ribcage, feeling his heartbeat thrum just under his hands. It’s a heady feeling – the multiple points of contact between them all setting Magnus on fire, the weight of Alec’s eyes on his almost unbearable in it’s intensity.

“How do you want me?” Alec asks, breathlessly. He reaches for Magnus’s hips, hands skimming along his thighs and brushing across the front of his boxers where he’s fully hard by now.

“In all the ways,” Magnus whispers, unable to pinpoint what exactly he wants right now.

“I’m all yours,” Alec replies with a smile that is more tender than Magnus has ever seen, and it does something – low in his gut – a warm sort of feeling, not sexual but just as overwhelming.

He tamps it down by surging forward and pressing a bruising kiss to Alec’s lips, fucking into his mouth with his tongue with an intense sort of hunger. Alec’s hands scrabble for purchase on the planes of his back, his nails digging in almost painfully when Magnus continues down Alec’s chest, scraping his teeth over his nipples.

Magnus is delighted by the sounds Alec makes when he swirls his tongue around the hardened nubs. When he pulls back after thoroughly abusing them until they’re an angry red and Alec is almost whimpering, he finds Alec flushed a very pretty pink. He looks so delectable, spread out like this for him and Magnus swallows, hardly believing how lucky he is.

“Magnus, please,” Alec half-begs as Magnus continues to slowly kiss and suck every inch of him above the waist. He rolls his hips, searching for some sort of friction and groans when their cocks brush against each other.

“Fuck me already,” Alec breathes, his eyes a challenge.

“Oh, I plan to,” Magnus replies, tugging his lacy underwear down carefully. Alec’s cock springs free and he lets out a small whine when the fabric catches at the head. He’s painfully hard and the lightest stimulus is setting him off.

Magnus smirks and shifts lower down the bed, pulling Alec’s hips up and getting between his legs. At the first press of his tongue against Alec’s rim, Alec shudders, a low moan escaping him. Magnus licks a stripe across his asshole, enjoying the way Alec is coming undone at the seams. He’s had a lot of practice eating his partners out, if he does say so himself, and over the years, has picked up quite a few tricks to reduce anyone to a whimpering mess.

With his fingertip circling the rim now, Magnus pushes in with his tongue, twisting in a way he knows will feel good. If Alec’s soft cries are anything to go by, he’d say he’s succeeding. Lapping at his rim, Magnus digs his fingers into Alec’s hips in a way he knows will bruise. The thought of seeing the red marks on his skin later turns him on more than it should. Above him, Alec is letting out tiny ‘ah’s and fisting his hands in the bedsheets.

Magnus smiles and reaches for the lube he’d thrown on the bed just before Alec had come out of the bathroom and coats his fingers with it. Replacing his mouth with his index finger, Magnus pushes in experimentally and sucks in a breath at the way Alec accepts him up to the knuckle with ease.

He curls his finger a little, searching, and finds what he’s looking for. Alec’s hands scramble at the sheets, his head falling back and his back arching.

“Fuck, Magnus,” he moans, louder than he has been so far.

“I’m going to add another finger, okay?” Magnus says, carefully pushing in the next one, letting Alec get used to the feeling of it before moving them in and out slowly.

“More,” Alec nearly begs, his ass clenching around Magnus’s fingers. “Fuck.”

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” Magnus murmurs as he adds a third finger. He doesn’t even have to move them anymore, Alec is fucking himself on his hand, his hands reaching for any part of Magnus he can find and settling on his shoulder, his grip tense.

“I’m ready,” Alec bites out, shuddering a little when Magnus brushes across his prostrate again as he pulls his fingers out. “Fuck me,” he adds, hands scrabbling at Magnus’s boxers, which he’s still wearing.

Alec’s desperation, the slight sheen of sweat on his body, the way he’s half in shadow because of the dim light – it all makes Magnus’s breath catch. He slips out of his boxers and comes up to kiss Alec with less heat than he’d planned. It’s a soft, unhurried and sweet kiss, with Alec’s hands cupping his face as if he never wants to let go.

“Fuck me,” Alec repeats and Magnus moves, his forehead resting lightly against Alec’s as he pushes into him in one smooth move.

Alec lets out a soft gasp, and his nails dig into Magnus’s back as he adjusts to the feeling. Magnus searches his eyes anxiously for any sign of discomfort but finds nothing. Instead, Alec clenches around him deliciously, urging him to move.

“Tell me if hurts,” Magnus whispers as he starts to fuck into Alec slowly.

Alec nods and hitches his legs higher up Magnus’s waist. The angle is better now, and each thrust has Magnus pushing in deep, brushing against his prostrate. Magnus doesn’t know if it’s the shadowy stillness of the room or the open, vulnerable look on Alec’s face, but he feels more overwhelmed than he ever has during sex. His fingers stutter on Alec’s hips.

“Harder,” Alec moans, his own hips moving too, to meet Magnus’s mid-thrust.

Magnus picks up his pace, his orgasm building slowly. He presses an open-mouthed, sloppy kiss to Alec’s jaw, his breathing ragged now. He wants to murmur dangerous things against Alec’s mouth, press promises he has no right to make into Alec’s skin, move in him with a tenderness one can only expect from a lover.

Perhaps it’s these thoughts, or perhaps it’s the way Alec moves in that moment, his mouth against Magnus’s neck like a prayer, but when Magnus comes, his orgasm crashing into him like a wave against a rock at high tide, he almost, _almost_ whispers ‘I love you’.

Because of the horror of this sentiment almost spoken out loud, and his post-orgasm haze, he misses the moment Alec comes, and only realizes it when he feels the stickiness spill across his stomach.

“God,” Alec murmurs, bringing Magnus back to the present reality. “That was amazing.”

Feeling a little disoriented, Magnus hums his agreement, breathing hard. Pulling out of Alec, he gets off of him and reaches for a washcloth that he’d conveniently placed on the side table. He wipes Alec off carefully, swiping the cloth across his stomach and then between his thighs, where his come is leaking out of Alec’s asshole. He wipes himself off as well and then drops the washcloth on the floor next to the bed, making a note to throw it in the trash later.

Alec, who looks like he’s been waiting impatiently for Magnus to finish, now reaches for him and pulls him close, arms wrapping around his waist.

“Hi,” Alec grins, expression blissful. Magnus schools his features not to reveal any of his inner turmoil and smiles back. He knows he wouldn’t be able to bear Alec’s pity if he ever found out what’s really going on in his mind.

“Hey yourself,” he murmurs, leaning in so their noses brush against each other.

Alec laughs. “Oh my god, you’re so cute, it should be illegal.”

Magnus pulls back, pretending it’s because he can’t stop grinning. His heart is beating too fast, but he doesn’t let any of that show.

“I can’t wait to do that again with you,” Alec says after a minute, more seriously now. He waggles his eyebrows. “It’s only Friday evening and we have two whole days. I know, I know, you’ll have things to do but I can’t wait for more of this too.”

“Me either,” Mangus says, truthfully, if a little unwillingly.

Alec kisses him sweetly. “I would love to do nothing else but cuddle with you for the rest of the day but I’m absolutely starving,” he admits sheepishly when he pulls away.

Feeling a little relieved, Magnus grins. “Let’s go get something to eat.”

Alec lets out a soft ‘yay!’ and gets up to go pee and change, leaving Magnus with his troubled thoughts.


	19. i'm not as think as you drunk i am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Wait, why is it stupid?” Alec asks, feeling a little sluggish and slow.  
> “You’re clearly in love with him,” Lydia rolls her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew! so there's a LOT going on in this chapter, which is why it took so long to write and edit - i wasn't happy with how the transitions were working, and they didn't feel smooth enough. i'm still not 100% happy about it but it's been too long now, so imma just put it out there. hope y'all like it :p

When they get back to their hotel room that night, Alec is feeling full and satiated, and it’s not just because of food. Magnus seems a little distant, though, a tired expression on his face as he sits down at the tiny dressing table and starts to methodically take his jewellery off. Alec, who had flopped face down on the bed upon entering the room, raises his head onto his arms to look at him.

The watch comes off first, with a gentle clack as he sets it down on the table top. The various necklaces follow, one by one, and then finally, he twists each ring off and puts them into a velvety ring box. Alec wants to do all of this for him instead. He wants to be the one who takes off Magnus’s jewellery each night. The urge to do so is overwhelming, but Magnus is bare of any such adornments by now, and Alec has to surreptitiously clamp a hand over his mouth until he’s sure he isn’t going to suggest something stupid.

Here, (almost) alone in the mountains with Magnus, he’s been thinking a lot of stupid thoughts lately. Stupid, fond, _domestic_ thoughts. Alec knows how futile they are – after all, Magnus pays him to keep him company and dictates most of what they do and don’t do. To think they could be anything other than that is a dangerous sort of hope.

“Penny for your thoughts?” he asks quietly when Magnus keeps sitting at the dressing table even when he’s done.

“Hmm?” Magnus seems to break out of a reverie and turns around with a small smile. “Oh, nothing really. Just thinking about some company stuff Raphael mentioned today.”

“Oh, okay,” Alec replies. He gets up then and makes his way to Magnus, stopping behind him with his hands gently placed on his shoulders. “Want to come to bed?”

“Sure. Just give me a few minutes? I have a nightly routine of sorts,” Magnus chuckles, getting up and pecking Alec on the cheek briefly.

Something feels a little wrong – he doesn’t lean into Alec’s touch like he usually does, the light in Magnus’s eyes isn’t quite like usual, or perhaps the set of his mouth is a little foreign. Alec frowns at his retreating back, his mind whirling. Magnus had been wrapped in a strange, contemplative silence for half of their dinner, which Alec had, at the time, interpreted as a post-sex, satisfied feeling, but now he’s not so sure.

He follows Magnus to the bathroom door, where he’s carefully wiping off his makeup in front of the mirror, a small array of beauty products sitting on the sink before him. Leaning against the door jamb, Alec watches him take his armour off. He realizes he’s never actually seen Magnus without his makeup before, except for that one night when he asked Alec to sleep over after he’d had his panic attack. It had been dark then though, and Alec hadn’t seen his bare face properly.

Without his usual glittery eyeshadow and the bold, black liner, Magnus looks more vulnerable than Alec’s ever seen him. The exhausted expression is back too, and the corners of his mouth droop slightly. Alec feels overwhelmed. He watches as Magnus goes through the cleanser and toner, his movements slow and deliberate. Seeing the tube and bottle that is still left on the sink, Alec swallows and then steps forward.

“Can I do that for you?” He asks, without thinking.

He comes to a stop next to Magnus, picking up the two products. Magnus bites on his bottom lip, looking at Alec strangely. Then he nods and sits down on the lip of the bathtub, pointing wordlessly to the Burt’s Bees eye cream in his left hand.

Alec nods, opens the tube and squirts a bit of it onto his finger, and turns towards Magnus again, who has his face upturned, eyes closed, so he can dab it gently under his eyes. Rubbing it in with his thumbs moving in a circular motion, Alec stares at Magnus. He’s glad Magnus’s eyes are closed and can’t see him because Alec does _not_ want any bit of his expression to reveal how much he wanted to do this for him and how glad he is that he has permission to actually do it.

“Good?” He asks when the eye cream has been rubbed in. Magnus opens his eyes and nods.

“The moisturizer now, darling,” he says, reaching for it. Alec doesn’t give it to him, though, but instead, opens the lid, puts a dollop of it onto his palm and places the bottle back onto the sink.

“Let me,” he murmurs, dropping to his knees so that he’s eye level with Magnus. With one finger, he puts little dots of moisturizer all over Magnus’s face, and then rubs it in carefully until his fingers aren’t sticky anymore.

“Thank you,” Magnus mumbles when he’s finished, and his hands come up to catch Alec’s. “I’m going to pee now and see you out there in a bit.”

“Okay,” Alec nods, getting up and rubbing his fingers on his pant legs all the same, even if there’s nothing on them anymore. It’s just a force of habit. “I’ll get changed in the meanwhile.”

Magnus nods and Alec leaves, stripping off his clothes and getting into a fresh pair of boxers and his sleep shirt, which has a few holes in it by now, but he loves it too much to let it go. He’s trying to decide whether to get into bed or wait for Magnus, when Magnus re-enters the room, wearing silk pyjamas with a monogrammed pocket. He looks fancy, even if it’s just to go to bed, and Alec can’t help the fond smile that spreads over his face.

“Left side?” Alec asks, clearing his throat.

“Yes, please,” Magnus replies, getting in and shutting off the lamp on his side of the bed.

The feeling that something is bothering him rears its head again, and Alec gets into bed, warring with himself on whether it’s his place to ask or not. He doesn’t like the idea of going to sleep without talking about what’s wrong first. He doesn’t even think he will be able to fall asleep while Magnus is like this, next to him but so far away.

“Magnus,” he whispers into the dark. It’s been only a few seconds since Magnus has laid down, so he can’t pull the ‘I’m already asleep’ trick.

“Yes?” The reply comes a fraction later than normal, though.

Alec tries to search for the right words, feels the bed dip when Magnus turns to look at him curiously. “Is something wrong?” He goes for the simplest, most straightforward question.

Magnus’s hand reaches out to pat Alec’s arm. “No, darling. Nothing’s wrong.”

His tone is earnest and soft. Alec almost believes him.

“You seem a little distant,” he presses, biting at his lip.

“I’m just tired,” Magnus says after a little pause. “I’ll be okay in the morning.”

It still doesn’t feel like the full truth, but Alec doesn’t think there’s anything else he can say that will help, so he nods and reaches for Magnus’s hand, intertwining them together.

“Okay,” he whispers. “Good night.”

“Good night, Alexander.”

*

The second day of the retreat, Alec wakes Magnus up with nuzzles and kisses, loving every second of how Magnus wakes up, eyes bleary and crinkled in half-sleep still. It doesn’t take too long for him to get with it though and within minutes, Alec finds himself on his back, with Magnus between his hips, sucking him off in one of the most mind-blowing blowjobs he’s ever gotten.

When he offers to return the favour though, Magnus excuses himself and says he’s running late for the day’s activities. He seems a little chirpier than the previous day, though, so Alec is relieved. The rest of the day passes by uneventfully, with Magnus being gone until nearly 5 p.m., which is when he finally reappears and invites Alec out for dinner and drinks with some of his colleagues. That lasts until late into the night, and by the time they’re finally headed back, Magnus is too drunk to do anything more than kiss him sloppily before Alec tucks him into his arms and they go to sleep.

The third day starts off, not much better. Though the employees of Bane Inc. are checking out at 9 p.m., Alec is checking out just after lunch so he can get back to the city in time for his night shift. Xavier had given him quite a lot of time off, but Sunday nights were extremely busy, and he’d said he couldn’t spare him then.

They both end up sleeping in, and when Alec wakes up at nearly 11, Magnus is nowhere to be found but there is a note stuck on the mirror.

_Raphael needed me for a quick meeting. I’ll be back before 12, hopefully! Hope you had a nice night’s sleep._

Alec crumples the note in his hand and stalks off towards the bathroom for a shower. His feelings towards Magnus are mixed. He’s frustrated at being left on his own for such long periods of time, he’s annoyed at how they barely got to have sex once, and he’s confused by Magnus’s detached sort of behaviour. The trip hasn’t been the kind of romantic getaway he’d imagined, and he can’t help but be disappointed about it.

The water warm on his skin, he closes his eyes as he thinks back to the first day when Magnus had fucked him. How his mouth had felt on Alec’s skin. How his fingers had felt up his ass. Alec bites his lip and reaches behind himself with one hand, brushing a finger against his rim. He pretends its Magnus, and lets his head fall forward, onto the shower wall.

Curling the finger inside himself, Alec lets out a small whine when he feels it brush against his prostate. But it’s not enough – nothing can be enough after knowing what Magnus’s cock feels like inside him, stretching him open so deliciously. He can never feel as full as that, even if he puts three fingers up his own ass.

His cock is hard now and leaking. Alec moans and lets the sound of the water wash it away as he fucks himself onto his fingers, aching for Magnus’s hands and Magnus’s cock instead. He comes with a shudder, spilling into his other hand, Magnus’s name on his lips.

Feeling strangely guilty, he finishes up his shower and wraps a towel around himself, going back to the room. Magnus is sitting on their bed, looking smug.

“I could’ve helped,” he smirks, dragging his gaze down Alec’s body appreciatively.

Alec stares. This is such a different mood than what Magnus has been in for the past two days. It feels like the old him again and there’s a strange tension in the air, as if neither of them is willing to make the first move. Alec grins back slowly, challenging almost, and lets his towel drop. He’s too turned on to play chicken.

Magnus licks his lips and gets up. Instead of coming towards him though, he moves to where their suitcases are still lying on the floor, half-packed. Alec waits, slightly confused, as Magnus rummages in an inner pocket and takes out something.

“What’s that?” Alec asks, stepping closer.

Magnus turns, his expression dark and sultry, holding a pair of leather clad handcuffs, a long, metal rod with cuffs on either end, and a small, black, curved object that looks kind of like a dildo. Alec’s mouth falls open and his heart starts to race.

“Do you want to do this?” Magnus asks, his voice low. His fingers wrap around the long metal rod that Alec’s isn’t even sure what’s for exactly.

He nods vehemently. “Hell yes.”

“Good,” Magnus almost purrs. This is an entirely different Magnus all together, fully clothed in a tight, form-fitting vest and black jeans that look like they can only be peeled off of him. On the other hand, Alec is completely naked, growing harder every second. The contrast only serves to turn him on more.

“This is a spreader bar,” Magnus murmurs, running his hand along the metal rod. “It’s to keep your legs spread open for me.”

“A prostate massager,” Magnus continues, holding up the black, curved object. Alec swallows.

“And handcuffs,” Magnus holds up the last item, a sharp grin on his face.

“Fuck,” Alec whispers, feeling his skin flush.

Magnus takes a step closer to him and runs a finger along the edge of one nipple tantalizingly slow. “There’s also a flogger in that suitcase,” he whispers, leaning in so he’s next to Alec’s ear. “Don’t make me use it, will you?”

Alec thinks he might just come from all the images and promises Magnus is making. He whimpers as he nods, even though all he can think about now is bending over the bed and letting Magnus flog him until he can’t sit down. These kinky thoughts, from seemingly nowhere, make him feel even more embarrassed.

“I want you to get onto the bed, on your hands and knees.” Magnus instructs him, voice firm and commanding.

Alec obeys, his pulse racing in his ears. Like this, his ass is on display to Magnus, who is standing at the foot of the bed still. Alec bites his lip and lets his head fall, eyes landing on how hard he is without even being touched properly.

Magnus slinks around to the left side of the bed, holding only the handcuffs now. “I’m going to attach these to you and slip them around this bit of the headboard here,” he narrates as he secures the first cuff around Alec’s right wrist. Slipping it between the slats in the headboard, he attaches the second cuff to his left wrist so that Alec is on his knees, facing the wall behind the bed.

“Perfect,” Magnus grins as he goes back towards the foot of the bed.

Alec shivers in anticipation and nearly moans when Magnus curves a hand around his ankle.

“Spread your knees for me, Alexander,” he orders.

Alec obeys, his thighs burning. Magnus’s hand leaves his ankle and comes up to cup his ass before both his hands grab Alec’s waist and pull him down the bed slightly.

“Gorgeous,” Magnus murmurs as he attaches the spreader bar to Alec’s ankles.

When it’s locked tightly into place, Alec shifts a bit to test it out and finds it renders his legs almost completely immobile. He swallows. The feeling of not being able to move, and being more or less at Magnus’s mercy, has him feeling more turned on than anything. They’ve not even started touching properly yet and Alec already feels like he could come if someone even so much as breathed on his cock.

Magnus’s voice breaks through his thoughts. “What do you want the safe word to be? This might just be a simple scene but if you feel it’s too much at any point, we will stop.”

Alec nods and goes with the first thing that comes into his mind. “Um, cookie. My safe word is cookie.”

“Say ‘cookie’ then, if you want to stop,” Magnus tells him before patting his cheek and disappearing from his line of vision, leaving Alec tethered to the headboard, unable to move his legs. He desperately wishes Mangus would start already, unless part of the scene involves teasing Alec like this and leaving him to wonder what’s going on.

“I’m going to use the prostate massager,” Magnus’s voice floats towards him from somewhere between his legs. “I want you to tell me when you feel like you’re about to come, okay? If you don’t, there _will_ be consequences.”

Alec nods his head. “Yes, okay.”

“Perfect.”

Alec grabs onto the headboard and feels a cool slick on his asshole; Magnus is probably lubing him up. His breath stutters in his chest as a fingertip pushes in, and then another, scissoring and twisting. He’s still a little pliant from when he opened himself up in the shower, so it’s not long before Magnus decides he’s ready.

“Remember,” Magnus says, squeezing his ass almost painfully. “You’re going to tell me when you’re about to come.”

“I will,” Alec mumbles.

The toy, slipping slowly inside his ass, is foreign and cold and Alec feels a bit underwhelmed. He’d been expecting it to feel – more pleasurable. More like fingers or an actual cock. He feels Magnus pause as he adjusts around it and then push deeper, finding the best angle.

At the first contact between the toy and his prostate, Alec feels a small jolt, but it’s nothing compared to the _incredible_ feeling that pulses through him when Magnus finally turns on the massager.

“Fucking hell,” Alec manages to breathe out. It’s set on the lowest setting and Alec can’t even imagine holding himself back from his orgasm, let alone being in a clear enough frame of mind to tell Magnus he’s about to come.

Magnus’s free hand comes up to tweak at a nipple and Alec groans at the added stimuli. “Please, no. It’s too much, I won’t be able to make it,” he whimpers as Magnus continues to pinch his nipple painfully.

“Of course you can,” Mangus tells him, moving onto his other nipple while increasing the speed of the massager. “Do you want to safe word?”

Alec shakes his head, the feeling in his ass leaving him unable to form coherent words. He barely manages to gasp ‘I’m close’ before his orgasm can slam into him. Magnus stops the massager immediately and drops his hand from Alec’s chest, leaving him shaking and feeling empty.

“More, please,” Alec pants after a few seconds, his legs burning from the stretch of the spreader bar.

Magnus doesn’t reply but he does switch the massager back on. Alec squeezes his eyes shut as the waves of pleasure shoot through his entire body. His orgasm hadn’t fully receded but it’s not fully there yet either and Alec rides out the intense feeling, his thighs trembling.

He’s never had the willpower in him to edge himself, and none of his partners had expressed an interest in it either. Now that he knows the rush of an orgasm denied, with the promise of a more intense one later, feels _this_ good, he thinks perhaps he wants to be edged all the time.

“I’m about to –” he cries out, feeling how his eyes have gotten damp. Mangus stops immediately again and it’s torture but it feels _so_ good. He doesn’t know how many more times he can take it though.

“Please, let me come,” he pleads, his voice quivering. To ask Magnus permission to orgasm is the hottest thing he’s ever experienced. The absolute control Magnus has over him right now, the way he’s still dressed while Alec is laid open for him, the precum that’s steadily leaking from his cock – all of it overwhelms Alec.

“Let me see,” Magnus drawls, sounding completely unaffected. “No, I think I’m going to deny you one more time.”

Alec whines, squirming with what little mobility he has. He’s glad Magnus didn’t decide to torture him for longer but there’s still one more time he has to go through the high and not be able to come down. His skin is buzzing and the pleasure pooling in his lower abdomen is a steady buzz. He grits his teeth, steeling himself for one last time.

“Okay, get on with it,” he says, thrusting his ass backwards, towards Magnus.

“Don’t speak to me like that,” Magnus’s deep voice is punctuated by a sharp ‘crack’ as his open palm descends on Alec’s ass, leaving him breathless and gasping.

Alec moans through the stinging pain that is less pain and more pleasure. He desperately wishes Magnus would slap him again, but he’s turned the massager back on, on an even higher setting. It barely takes Alec a minute to get there, and this time, he almost isn’t able to tell Magnus in time. His cock dribbles a bit and he sobs, head falling into the pillows when Magnus stops.

“That was too close,” Magnus says sharply, reaching for his hair and pulling him back by it. Alec whimpers, unable to speak. “It almost made me change my mind about letting you come.”

That gets a reaction from Alec. “No, no, please,” he mumbles, words slurring into each other. “Please, let me come.”

“Not from the vibrator,” Magnus says thoughtfully. He pulls out the massager, leaving Alec clenching on empty air.

“Then please fuck me, Magnus,” Alec pleads, shimmying backwards as far as the spreader bar will allow. He turns his head a bit to watch Magnus from over his shoulder.

“You want me to fuck you?” Magnus asks, grinning. His hands are at his belt and he slowly unbuckles it and pulls it from its loops.

“Yes, oh God, yes,” Alec replies. He’s still on his high and doesn’t know if he can last until Magnus even starts fucking him in earnest but at least he’ll come with Magnus’s cock in him, full and stretched in a way no toy can stretch him.

Magnus slides in without warning. Alec doesn’t even know when he’d lubed up.

“Oh fuck,” he nearly shouts when Magnus thrusts hard into him. The angle isn’t quite right but the force of it is enough to push him up the bed. His legs are nearly on the verge of collapse anyway.

“Faster,” Alec pants, thinking perhaps that will give him the release he needs.

Magnus’s thrusts pick up pace, but the angle is still all wrong and his orgasm is teetering on the edge of a cliff. He needs that last push, _craves_ it even.

“Please,” he sobs, his entire upper body flushed and sweaty. “Please, Magnus. I need to come.”

“What do you want?” Magnus asks in his ear, draping himself over Alec’s back. The movement causes his cock to brush against Alec’s much abused, yet neglected prostate, _finally._

“Let me come,” he breathes as Magnus pulls out slowly and pushes back in equally slow.

“Come for me, Alexander,” Magnus replies, giving him exactly what he needs.

Alec spills into the bedsheets with a muffled cry. His orgasm is intense and never-ending, Magnus fucking him through it as he shakes and lets go of his limbs, falling onto the pillows again with his hands above his head. It hurts his arms a little but he’s too exhausted to care or do anything about it.

“Fuck,” Magnus cries out softly as he comes too, deep inside Alec. Alec is too exhausted to even speak, so he just lies there, breathing hard, waiting for Magnus to pull out of him and untie him. The come spills out of his asshole and drips down the back of his thighs in a deliciously dirty way. Alec feels absolutely boneless, absently wondering how much time he has before he has to check out and if he can fit a nap in before that.

Magnus unlocks his wrists and his ankles and rubs at them briskly to get his blood circulating again but Alec is too satiated to even notice. He doesn’t even realize he’s been cleaned up and rolled over to a clean part of the bed until Magnus gets in next to him, in just his underwear now.

“You okay?” Magnus asks softly, hand swiping Alec’s hair off his forehead.

“More than,” Alec says hoarsely, blinking up at him sleepily.

“Good,” Magnus replies, his voice back to normal, his face a little anxious.

“Is there time to sleep?” Alec asks, his eyes fluttering close even as he says it.

“Yes,” he hears Magnus whisper. “I’ll wake you.”

*

The weekend had ended up being really good, but as soon as Alec gets back into the city, he’s swamped with work. His Sunday night shift is particularly gruelling, and he gets two orders wrong in a row, which makes Xavier look over at him with an extremely disappointed look as he works quickly to fix Alec’s mistake.

Alec wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole. He would much rather have preferred that Xavier had shouted at him, like he did with most other employees. His silence is worse.

“I’m sorry. I’m just really tired from the drive down,” he apologizes after the shift ends and he’s alone with Xavier in his office. It’s not the real reason but then again, he can’t really give the real reason can he? He can’t say ‘ _Sorry, I can’t even think straight because Magnus fucked my brains out this morning_ ’.

“I can’t have any sloppy work in my kitchen, Alec,” Xavier says seriously. “Magnus has told me about your passion for food and how much you’ve given up to be here and I want you to utilize this opportunity as fully as you can. This is not the cutthroat world of business, but it’s equally tough. You need to always be on top of your game.”

Xavier hasn’t asked him to sit down, so Alec shuffles from one foot to the other awkwardly, nodding at what he’s saying.

“I understand. It won’t happen again,” He says, meeting Xavier’s eyes with a determined look.

“See that it doesn’t,” Xavier says, a little kinder now.

He waves his hand dismissively and Alec leaves the office, letting out a breath of relief. It’s been a long day and all he really wants to do is go to bed and sleep forever. Wondering if Magnus has gotten back okay, Alec shoots him a text on his way home.

 **[To: Magnus, 3.45 a.m.]** I loved yesterday morning, even if it did mess up my capacity to think straight and land me in trouble at work 😉

Too tired to wait for a reply, Alec goes to bed, wondering when he’ll have a chance to see Magnus again.

*

Two days later, Magnus still hasn’t replied to the text. Which is weird. It’s not like it had been a text one _needed_ to reply to, but at least Magnus could’ve acknowledged it with an emoji or something? Alec is starting to feel a little foolish at having sent it.

He wonders if he should call Magnus, but then talks himself out of the idea. It feels a little desperate. He’s itching to talk to _somebody_ though. Somebody who isn’t his sibling and doesn’t have a skewed perspective. Somebody who can be neutral, who cares about him and wants to take his side but can also call him out on his bullshit if need be. Someone like – Lydia.

 _God, yes_. Why hadn’t he thought of her before? He’s barely seen her ever since he quit grad-school and suddenly, he finds himself missing her a lot.

 **[To: Lydia, 6.19 p.m.]** Hi, are you free to go out for drinks or something tonight? I miss you and we haven’t met in ages.

She replies almost immediately.

 **[To: Alec, 6.20 p.m.]** I thought you’d forgotten about me, asshole :/ I miss you too. Let’s meet at Viola’s, at 8?

Alec sends back a smiling emoji and a thumbs up, resolving to make it up to her somehow and to keep in touch more regularly. They’ve been friends for so long, he doesn’t want to ever lose her.

*

“And that’s the whole story,” Alec ends sheepishly. Lydia is shaking her head, looking partly shocked and partly disappointed. He’d ended up telling her the full truth tonight – the contract, the payment via credit card, the general spoiling of Alec by Magnus – instead of dancing around it again.

“I don’t understand why you didn’t just tell me then,” she says, punching him in the shoulder. “This is so stupid.”

Alec groans dramatically, downing another brightly coloured drink that the bartender had slid his way minutes ago. He’s slowly lost count of how much he’s actually been drinking, if he’s honest. It all became a bit of a blur after he reached the part where he told Lydia about the panic attack and how Magnus had taken care of him and helped him through it.

“Wait, why is it stupid?” Alec asks, feeling a little sluggish and slow.

“You’re clearly in love with him,” Lydia rolls her eyes.

“Um, what?” Alec wobbles a bit on his barstool, feeling dizzy all of a sudden.

Lydia laughs, ending with a soft burp that gets her giggling again. Alec vaguely realizes he’s quite drunk, and so is she. He’s never gotten this wasted since he was in college and he’s dreading the horrific hangover he’ll probably have the next day.

“It’s so obvious,” Lydia slurs, swinging her braid over her shoulder and hitting some random guy passing behind her. “Oh, gosh, I’m so sorry,” she says, holding a hand up to her mouth and shooting Alec a wide-eyed look, still giggling.

“I’m not in love with Magnus,” Alec protests weakly.

“Sure,” Lydia deadpans.

“Thanks,” Alec accepts another drink, even though he probably shouldn’t. “I’m not,” he throws at Lydia.

“Don’t worry, he’s in love with you too,” Lydia nods in an exaggerated manner, poking his arm with her index finger.

“ _Nope_ ,” Alec shakes his head, laughing. “We have a contract. It was _his_ idea.”

Lydia makes a ‘pffft’ sound and looks surprised at herself momentarily, before continuing. “Oh please. Anyone can catch feelings.”

Alec stares at her, baffled.

“If he was _just_ your sugar daddy, he wouldn’t be taking care of you after a panic attack or getting you nice job offers or encouraging you to pursue your passion,” Lydia tells him, liberally sprinkling in air quotes, even when they’re not needed and frankly, make no sense, given the context. “I don’t understand how two grown ass men can be so _dense_.”

“Fuck,” Alec mumbles, everything crashing into him at once. He _is_ in love with Magnus, isn’t he?

“Answer this. Can you imagine your life without him in it?” Lydia asks, sounding slightly sober and serious now.

“Maybe?” Alec hedges. Lydia raises a delicate eyebrow. “Okay, maybe not.”

“There you go,” Lydia says, sounding oddly pleased, spreading her hands out as if she’s just explained a complex problem to a group of people and is now awaiting praise and gratitude.

“No,” Alec shakes his head.

“Yes,” Lydia says sagely.

“No,” Alec repeats, feeling dismayed. “No! What do I do?”

“Get your shit together. And tell him.”

“I can’t do that!”

“Why not?”

“Because he’s technically paying me, and we have a contract and it’s all so complicated and I’m going to sound so desperate and what if he doesn’t like me back and it’s all just something in my head –” Alec is starting to freak out but Lydia cuts him off by placing her hand across his mouth and shushing him loudly.

“Oh my god,” she says when he finally stops rambling. “Stop spiralling! Take a leap of faith!”

Alec groans, dropping his head into his arms and letting the cool, soothing blackness behind his eyelids set in. “I’m so fucked,” he mumbles, knowing Lydia can’t hear him but needing to say it anyway.

“Just call him,” Lydia shakes his arm, trying to get him to get up. “Look, I’m dialling him.”

Alec snaps his head up, horrified. “No! What?”

“Here,” she giggles, handing him his phone that she’d nicked from his pocket without him knowing. The screen is lit up, with Magnus’s name flashing merrily on the display.

“Um, hi,” Alec says into the phone, taking it from Lydia while throwing her an extremely annoyed look. The bar is too loud, so he gets off his seat, wandering off to try and find a quieter spot.

“Alexander?” Magnus sounds a bit perplexed.

“Hi, Alec, it’s Magnus,” Alec says warmly, before realizing his stupid mistake. “Wait, sorry, I’m Alec. You’re Magnus. Hi.”

“Are you drunk, darling?” Magnus’s voice is muffled, as if he’s speaking through fabric or something. Vaguely, Alec wonders what time it is and whether Magnus had been sleeping, perhaps.

“No,” he shakes his head defensively, then gives in. “I mean, yes, maybe. A little bit.”

“Are you with someone? Do you need any help?” Magnus sounds clearer, more awake now.

“I’m with you, right?” Alec asks anxiously, ignoring the second question. “We’re together, right? It’s not all in my head?”

“Alec, you’re quite drunk. Can you go find yourself a cab, go home and get some sleep? We’ll talk again in the morning?”

“No, I wanna talk now,” Alec says, knowing he’s being childish, but _enough is enough_. He _needs_ to know if Magnus can be with him like _that_ , without having to pay him to do things. “I love you and you’re being so horrible and distant. I don’t know if you like me or if you’re just putting up with me because we have a contract now.”

“Alexander,” Magnus sounds shocked. Alec can’t even remember exactly what he’s just said. Something about the contract? About being distant? God, he’s so drunk.

“I like you,” he slurs into the phone, his head pounding. Behind him, he can feel Lydia come up and place a hand on the small of his back, grounding and reassuring. He takes a deep breath. “If you don’t like me then I don’t think I can do this.”

Without waiting to hear what Magnus has to say about that, he hangs up, grinning triumphantly.

“I did it!” He yells at Lydia, above all the music. She grins back, high-fiving him.

“YES!” She yells back, pulling him down so she can say it in his ear, but not adjusting her volume accordingly and nearly deafening him.

Caught in a fit of giggles, they stumble towards the dance floor and stay there until Viola’s is about to close and they have to literally be kicked out. Alec, a little more in command of his senses now, calls them a cab, and drops a very drunk Lydia off at her boyfriend’s first before going to his own apartment, where he drops into bed almost immediately, not even bothering to get changed. The phone call to Magnus and the very inevitable hangover he’s going to wake up with are the last things on his mind; the only thought he has before he falls into a deep sleep is that he’s glad he doesn’t have to go to work the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just one chapter more to go!!! i'll get it out hopefully by the end of the week, if not sooner :D


	20. always had a feeling i was gonna be that one in a million

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Now, what’s up? Why do you look like shit?” 
> 
> “I do not look like shit,” Magnus gasps. Yeah, sure, he hadn’t made as much of an effort today as he normally does but this is just mean of Raphael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last chapter. thank you so much for all the comments, kudos and feedback. this fic would've probably never been finished without all of that. 
> 
> hope you like this. i had a lot of fun writing this chapter :)

Magnus can’t sleep. It’s nearly 4 a.m. and he’s still thinking about the call, which was probably fuelled by alcohol and bad, late-night decisions. But it had ignited the worst kind of hope in him, despite his best efforts. Alec’s warm, happy voice confessing ‘ _I love you_ ’ is running in a loop in his head and there’s nothing else that has ever sounded sweeter or more dangerous to him.

Because that’s what it is: a dangerous sentiment. Magnus can’t even be sure Alec had meant it.

 _You’re being so distant_ ; Alec had accused. Magnus can’t deny it. He has indeed, been trying to avoid seeing Alec too much. After his sudden burst of emotions on the first day of their trip, Magnus had dived headfirst into the company activities, terrified that he’d accidentally say something stupid to Alec and ruin everything. But Alec hadn’t complained even one bit and had so tenderly helped Magnus get ready for bed, it had nearly killed him. Magnus had dealt with it the only way he knew how – taking back his control. Tying Alec up and having his sweet way with him, denying him pleasure and then ultimately allowing him his release, in a weak attempt to take back his power.

Had it worked? Perhaps temporarily. But since they’d gotten back, Magnus has started missing Alec more and more each day. He misses Alec’s gentle smile, Alec’s mouth-watering cooking, Alec’s arms around him while they spooned, Alec in his bed, Alec’s mouth on his.

To get rid of this intense craving, Magnus had tried to cut off all communication with Alec and isolating himself. But then Alec had called in the middle of the night and dropped this bomb on him and now Magnus has no idea of where they stand. It’s entirely possible Alec won’t remember any of this in the morning. If so, is it conceivable that Magnus can make himself forget it and move on? Pretend it never happened?

Chairman Meow meows pitifully as he gets squished yet again by Magnus’s constant tossing and turning and Magnus, feeling extremely guilty, picks him up and hugs him to his chest, burying his face in the cat’s warm belly.

“Oh, Chairman, what am I going to do?” Magnus sighs.

Chairman Meow just swats at his nose, annoyed, wanting to be put down. Magnus lets him go and slowly swings his feet over the side of the bed, getting up. _Perhaps I’ll get up, have some coffee and go to the office early today,_ he thinks. Working will definitely take his mind off of things.

*

Strangely enough, Raphael, and not Dot, is the first to enter his office that morning. It’s only 6.45 a.m., and the offices are empty, all except for Magnus’s where he’s on his fourth coffee, sorting almost maniacally through some important files, his tie undone and loose, his shirt sleeves rolled up.

“Magnus,” Raphael says, shocked, when he walks in holding his own cup of coffee. “What are you doing here so early?”

“What are _you_ doing here so early?” Magnus returns, tone suspicious. Perhaps it’s the caffeine or the lack of sleep, but he feels rather paranoid. He keeps calculating when Alec might have gone to bed, when he might have fallen asleep and hence, when the earliest possible time is when he might receive a text or call from him.

“I’m always here at this time,” Raphael replies dryly, setting his coffee mug down on the filing cabinet and lowering himself so he’s sitting on the floor next to Magnus.

“Oh.” Magnus had no idea. “Um, that’s great.”

“I know,” Raphael shrugs. “Now, what’s up? Why do you look like shit?”

“I do _not_ look like shit,” Magnus gasps. Yeah, sure, he hadn’t made as much of an effort today as he normally does but this is just _mean_ of Raphael.

“Come on,” Raphael shakes his head. “You have dark circles like you haven’t slept for days, your hands are trembling, probably because of all this coffee you’ve had – which one is this? Your fourth? Fifth cup?” He gently prises the mug from Magnus’s hands and sets it on the floor, out of his reach. “Your vest is literally inside out, your eyeliner is slightly crooked and you’re missing half of your usual rings.”

Magnus feels horrified. Has he really worn his vest inside out? Getting up quickly and barely excusing himself, he rushes to the restroom, stripping himself of the vest as fast as he can. It is indeed inside out and Magnus burns with shame at not even realizing.

“Is everything okay?” Raphael’s voice floats from outside the door, sounding concerned. “Magnus?”

“I’m fine,” Magnus says with fake bravado, leaning closer to the mirror and discovering that his eyeliner is crooked too. “Fuck,” he adds under his breath, closing his eyes and letting his forehead rest on the cool glass.

He’s falling apart. This is exactly what he didn’t want, what he was scared of. This is why they had a goddamn _contract_.

“That is the biggest lie I’ve ever been told,” Raphael says, his hand a strangely soothing weight on Magnus’s shoulder. Magnus must’ve forgotten to lock the door and Raphael had taken advantage of it.

“Talk to me,” Raphael presses. “Or if you want, I can call Catarina. But please, Magnus, talk to _someone_.”

“No, no,” Magnus says quickly. “Don’t call Cat. She’s probably busy with Madzie or has an early shift.”

Raphael steers Magnus back to his office and settles him down on the couch before folding himself in next to Magnus, hand on his knee, urging him to look up.

“Magnus,” Raphael says, softer than Magnus has ever heard him. “I’m worried about you.”

Magnus looks up, slightly taken aback. He and Raphael have known each other for years now, but they’ve never been intimate friends. Hell, he didn’t even know about Simon until Raphael invited him to the bachelor party. But when it comes down to it, Magnus can see that he’s not alone like he thought he was. Catarina might be busy all the time, but Raphael has always been there for him, a silent presence in his life that Magnus has never appreciated, until now.

“I’m sorry we’re not as close as I would like us to be,” he whispers now, feeling awful. “I never realized how much you care about me and how much I depend on you and care about you, in turn. I’m so sorry.”

Raphael makes a face at the naked emotion but then shoots Magnus a fond smile. “It’s okay,” he pats Magnus’s knee soothingly. “I just want what’s best for you.”

“I know,” Magnus takes in a deep breath, curls and uncurls his fist.

“Last night,” he starts, feeling a little silly, “Alec called me, probably from a bar. He was very drunk, and he said he loved me and that I’d been treating him horribly and being too distant and that if I didn’t like him back like that, he wasn’t interested anymore.”

Raphael listens patiently, but he looks like he’s holding back a laugh. Magnus feels slightly annoyed.

“How is this funny?”

“Magnus,” Raphael sighs, still on the verge of bursting into laughter. “Both of you are complete _idiotas_.”

Magnus stares.

“I saw you guys on the trip, okay, and never have I seen two people more in love with each other. He is clearly smitten with you and you with him. You look at him like the sun shines out of his ass. Tell me to my face that you’re not in love with him,” Raphael raises an eyebrow, daring him.

“I’m not,” Magnus tries. “Okay, maybe I am. But I can’t be. Our contract is very clear and _I’m_ the one who drew it up.”

“So what?” Raphael shrugs. “No relationship can ever be predefined and then expected to stay the same. We’re all humans. We change. We evolve. And so do our feelings.”

“But he was _drunk_ ,” Magnus emphasizes. “He probably didn’t even mean it.”

Raphael sighs in frustration. “Magnus, please. More truths are told when drunk than lies. Alcohol _literally_ erases your inhibitions.”

Magnus feels the hope unfurl in his chest brighter than ever. Raphael is making sense, even if it’s hard to listen to and Magnus finally lets himself believe that he might just have a chance.

“Call him, or go visit or whatever,” Raphael encourages. “Clear this up once and for all and allow yourself something good, for once. You deserve all the happiness.”

“Okay this is getting a bit too sappy,” Magnus laughs, before reaching out to pat Raphael’s arm in gratitude. “But thank you. For everything.” 

Raphael allows Magnus to hug him briefly before going back to his usual, unemotive, slightly bored expression. “You better not be pining still when I see you next,” he throws over his shoulder as he leaves Magnus’s office.

Magnus nods at his retreating back, smiling happily to himself. Reaching for his phone, he types out a quick text, unable to help the nervousness at doing so. It might feel like the worst feeling in the world, but Raphael is right. He needs to do this. He needs to make that effort. To give himself that chance. To give _Alec and himself_ that chance.

 **[To: Alec, 7.25 a.m.]** Alexander, I would like to talk, whenever it’s possible for you. Please let me know a time and place.

He locks his phone and tucks it back into his pocket, biting his lip. Until he talks to Alec, he’s never going to get any work done so he writes a note to Dot to tell her he’s taking a personal day and leaves to go back to his apartment.

*

Alec texts back at 10.49 a.m. and Magnus seizes his phone with fervour, reading the brief message multiple times and overanalysing every word.

 **[To: Magnus, 10.49 a.m.]** I’d like to talk too. Can you come over asap? I’m making breakfast for two.

Alec wants him to come over as soon as possible, Magnus smiles to himself. There’s a quiet sort of desperation and impatience in the short, unassuming ‘asap’ that Magnus likes a lot. Alec wants to talk to him, and he can’t wait. And he’s suggested that Magnus come over. To his place. There’s an undeniable intimacy there, right? If Alec had wanted to break up with him or end things, he would’ve suggested some place more neutral, right?

And he’s making breakfast. For two. There’s nothing else that can mean other than being an indirect invitation for Magnus to have breakfast with him. Alec wanting to share this simple routine with him has Magnus almost overwhelmed with feelings of tender domesticity. He dresses hurriedly, making sure each item of clothing is flawless and perfect. Double checking his eyeliner and makeup, Magnus leaves his apartment, almost floating on air.

It’s short-lived though, and in the car, Magnus’s anxiety makes a vindictive reappearance, burying it’s claws in his heart unforgivingly. It’s almost unthinkable that Alec would want to deliver bad news, given how he had written his message, but Magnus can’t be sure anymore. Perhaps it had just been a kind sort of formality. Perhaps Alec really was going to end things. Or say that he hadn’t meant what he had said. Perhaps the breakfast was only to soften that blow.

Magnus can feel himself starting to hyperventilate. He curls his hands into fists at his side, his knuckles turning white. His heart is beating faster than normal and he’s sick of feeling like this. Sick of second-guessing himself.

He takes out his phone to cancel their plans, unable to bear it, when he sees two unopened texts from Alec.

 **[To: Magnus, 11.01 a.m.]** Don’t worry by the way. I realized after I’d sent the ominous previous text that I should’ve specified what I wanted to talk about. It might be too presumptuous of me, but I feel perhaps our respective feelings are not unrequited after all. If you don’t feel the same way, I understand. Perhaps not immediately, but I will learn to be okay with it.

 **[To: Magnus, 11.04 a.m.]** I don’t want to say too much over an impersonal text though, so you’d better be on your way here. Unless you’re not into me like that, in which case, you might not be on your way. Fuck. Um, I don’t know, just – I’m waiting.

By the time he’s finished reading the texts over and over again to reassure himself of their veracity, he’s reached Alec’s building. Feeling almost weak with relief and happiness, Magnus takes the elevator up to his floor, feeling more impatient than he ever has in his life. Finger pressed to Alec’s buzzer, he waits for the door to open and when he finally sees Alec, looking slightly worse for wear with pillow creases on his cheek and soft, tousled hair falling into his eyes, Magnus wants nothing more than to kiss the man in front of him for the rest of his life.

“You came,” Alec says happily, eyes wide, before Magnus launches himself into his arms without hesitation.

Alec’s arms wrap themselves around Magnus’s waist immediately and then they’re laughing against each other’s mouths, too happy to even kiss properly. Alec steers them inside and Magnus kicks the door shut with his foot, crowding Alec against the nearest wall, unable to get his fill of him.

Alec’s tongue is between his teeth, his fingers dipping under Magnus’s waistband. Magnus can’t even think straight as he strips Alec of his soft, flannel shirt, hands roaming all over his strong, muscled chest.

“Shouldn’t we talk first?” Alec pants when Magnus moves to his neck, kissing it and biting lightly just underneath his ear.

“Probably,” Magnus agrees, even as he helps Alec undo his belt buckle so he can shimmy out of his jeans.

“Probably,” Alec echoes lamely as he nearly tears Magnus’s shirt in his frantic efforts to get it off of him.

“Perhaps in a bit,” Magnus suggests. Alec is now on his knees, looking up at him darkly as he helps him take his jeans off completely.

Left in just his boxer briefs, with Alec in low-slung pyjama pants, talking seems a little overrated to Magnus.

“Mm,” Alec hums in agreement, rising and teasingly mouthing at Magnus’s cock on his way up. “Sounds good,” he adds breathlessly as Magnus squeezes his ass through his pants.

“Bedroom?” Magnus asks, tilting himself back enough to look at Alec.

“Yes, please,” Alec mumbles, unable to remove his arms from around Magnus though. They shuffle over to Alec’s room, still attached to each other, kissing like they haven’t seen each other in ages.

Magnus tumbles into bed first, with Alec hovering on top of him, licking a stripe down his jaw and towards his collarbone, continuing to mouth over his chest and nipples, down to his navel. Magnus moans then, when Alec dips his tongue into his navel and continues downwards, to the waistband of his underwear.

Magnus’s grip in Alec’s hair tightens when he removes his underwear and settles between his legs, hands on his ass, spreading him open.

“Can I?” Alec murmurs against the sensitive skin of Magnus’s inner thigh.

Magnus nods and lets his head fall back when Alec’s tongue roughly circles around his rim. His thumb gently rubs over Magnus’s perineum and Magnus can feel himself shake at the exquisite feeling. Alec touches his rim then and Magnus clenches and unclenches around it as Alec watches, expression fascinated.

“Fuck,” he murmurs when Magnus easily accepts two fingers.

“I’m ready,” Magnus says desperately, the sweat cooling on his upper body and making him shiver. “Fuck me, Alexander.”

“Are you sure?” Alec asks, sounding a little doubtful. “You don’t want to – fuck me instead?”

“No,” Magnus shakes his head, his skin buzzing with desire. He finds himself not wanting to take control. He wants to let it go, in fact. He wants to know what it feels like to have Alec inside him, to have Alec’s arms hold him up as he fucks into Magnus. “Fuck me,” he repeats, hands coming up to cup Alec’s face almost desperately.

Alec responds by kissing him slowly, his hands scrabbling for the lube somewhere to his left, in the side table’s drawer. Magnus pays no attention to anything except for the way Alec’s mouth moulds itself so gently against his, how his tongue almost makes him come undone, how one of his hands smooths itself down Magnus’s cheek so tenderly. _Is this what love feels like_ , Magnus wonders to himself, something blooming in his chest not uncomfortably.

“Ready?” Alec whispers, positioning himself between Magnus’s legs and looking at him with a quiet earnestness that Magnus can’t even look at fully. It’s like Alec is the sun and Magnus will hurt his eyes if he looks directly at him. He nods, fixing his eyes on how Alec’s arm muscles ripple under the skin as he pushes in gently.

“More,” Magnus pants, shifting his hips and pushing himself downwards, onto Alec. The stretch feels unbelievably good and it’s been so long since anyone has fucked Magnus, he’d nearly forgotten how it feels.

“Okay?” Alec asks as he bottoms out, stilling for a moment so Magnus can adjust to his full length.

“More than okay,” Magnus breathes, holding onto Alec like he’s a lifeboat and Magnus is drowning.

“I’m going to move now,” Alec warns him as he pulls out and then thrusts back in again, his cock sliding deliciously against Magnus’s prostate. Magnus moans, his hand falling between their bodies to touch his own cock, needing the friction.

“I don’t think I’m going to last long,” Alec pants sheepishly as he moves above Magnus, his face flushed.

“Me neither,” Magnus admits, laughing a little as he twists his hand the way he likes it, his back arching slightly at the way Alec’s cock keeps brushing against his prostate, sending soft waves of pleasure shooting through his entire body.

Alec picks up his pace a little, jerking his hips faster, leaning down to kiss Magnus, almost as if he needs that extra contact, as if he can never be as close to Magnus as he wants to be.

Magnus moans without thinking twice about how desperate he sounds, one hand coming up to tangle itself in Alec’s hair as Alec buries his face in Magnus’s neck, hips stuttering as he comes deep inside Magnus, breathing hard and nipping down on Magnus’s shoulder hard enough for it to leave a bruise.

The soft bite of pain is enough to tip Magnus over the edge too and he comes with a shuddering shout, spilling between Alec and himself, his hands a sticky mess. Alec rolls off of him with a sigh, pulling out and leaving Magnus feeling incredibly empty.

“Here,” Alec hands him a washcloth and Magnus gratefully wipes himself off. He leaves the sticky mess between his legs though. It feels nice and dirty.

“That was really good,” Alec murmurs, shuffling closer and mouthing at the slowly purpling bruise he’s left on Magnus’s shoulder. “I’m sorry about this but I think you came quite hard because of it, so perhaps I’m not sorry after all.”

Magnus watches his smug, incredibly pleased expression and leans in for a proper kiss, sighing softly against Alec’s mouth.

“So, we should talk, then,” Alec raises an eyebrow when they finally pull away and lay back, breathing hard still.

“Yeah,” Magnus agrees, even though his brain feels rather muddled at the moment.

“I guess I should start?” Alec raises himself onto his elbow and places his other hand over Magnus’s heart, fingers splayed wide. “Um, I want to return that credit card to you,” he swallows. “I don’t want to be paid for this anymore.”

Magnus feels his heart beating traitorously fast. He hopes Alec can’t feel it underneath his fingertips.

Alec continues, biting at his bottom lip, nervous.

“I want more,” he hesitates, thumb rubbing slowly in a circle over Magnus’s heart. “I want the uncertainties and the unknowns. I don’t want to be boxed in and given boundaries,” he looks a bit frustrated at the way his words have come out and is quick to clarify. “Not that boundaries aren’t good. I meant – those boundaries. The ones in the contract.”

Magnus can feel the fear like black tar, rolling in his stomach. What Alec is describing sounds so good. Too good for words. Almost unreal. He wants to pinch himself and check if he’s dreaming.

Alec doesn’t seem to mind that Magnus is silent; he’s not finished yet.

And I meant what I said,” Alec’s eyes meet Magnus’s directly now, his face open and earnest. “I do love you. I want to spend every day with you, I want to be invited to every event you have to go to, I want to hold hands with you and make out with you and cook you all the things and watch sappy rom-coms and have you meet my friends officially and cuddle and spoon you – I want all of it.”

Magnus desperately wants to interrupt, wants to catch on one of the promises like a spider web and see them all crumble under his fingertips. He thinks back to when he and Camille had made promises like these to each other. He thinks about Alec’s honest expression, the love and courage that is so clear in his eyes.

Magnus decides to take a leap of faith.

“Me too,” he whispers, voice steadier than he’d have imagined it would be. “I want that too.”

“Are you sure?” Alec asks, even as he’s smiling wider than Magnus has ever seen.

“Yes,” Magnus replies, his body feeling lighter and freer than it ever has. “I’ve been falling for you for so long now. I just didn’t want to admit it to myself.” He brings one of his hands up to cover Alec’s over his heart. It feels so good to finally tell the truth, to not hide his feelings for once. He doesn’t have to censor himself anymore.

Alec’s face softens and he leans in to nuzzle against Magnus’s jaw. Magnus sighs, his eyes closing as Alec keeps mouthing down his jaw, settling into the crook of his neck after a while. Magnus pulls him into his arms, cradling him closer.

“So, um, what about the contract?” Alec murmurs after a few seconds of silence.

“I would happily set fire to it,” Magnus promises.

“Me too,” Alec replies happily. They laugh quietly for a minute before Alec sobers up again and raises his head, looking at him seriously. “What about when you said you didn’t want to date anyone? You said you didn’t want to give up your control.”

“I hadn’t known you then,” Magnus says, his voice full of emotion, his thumb sweeping across Alec’s cheekbone. “I didn’t know what a wonderful, beautiful and perfect person you are or how madly I’d fall for you. The person I last dated really fucked me up, but you –” Magnus pauses, not sure how to sum up exactly how he feels when he’s with Alec. “With you, I feel reborn.”

Alec’s smile is so wide, it must hurt his cheeks, Magnus thinks with amusement. “So you do want to date me then?”

“Of course, Alexander,” Magnus replies, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

Alec giggles and it’s the most adorable sound Magnus has ever heard.

“Am I your boyfriend?” Alec asks, biting his lip. He’s blushing a pretty pink, eyes not meeting Magnus’s. “God, I know it’s so cringey and cheesy, but I need to hear you say the words.”

“You are my boyfriend, Alexander,” Magnus laughs, putting a finger under his chin and tilting his face upwards. “My heart,” he continues, more seriously now. “My always.”

“Always your boyfriend?” Alec laughs, scrunching up his nose at the cheesiness but looking secretly pleased at the compliments.

“Until one of us proposes, anyway,” Magnus teases, not even thinking twice about how calmly and casually he says it. It seems inevitable, a truth, a fact. He can’t think of any other reality, in which he doesn’t know Alec or isn’t with him.

Alec’s response is to kiss him heatedly, moving over him so he’s sitting straddled across his hips, both hands resting on Magnus’s chest. Magnus kisses back with equal fervour, hips grinding upwards, his soft cock twitching with interest when it catches Alec’s rim.

“I want to ride you, now,” Alec whispers in his ear, sending a shiver down his spine.

“Refractory period, darling,” Magnus reminds him with a groan, even as his brain floods itself with images of Alec on top of him, his head thrown back as he moves over Magnus, wild and flushed.

Alec laughs and rolls off of him, walking towards the bathroom. “Why don’t we have breakfast until then?” He throws over his shoulder.

“Sounds like a good plan,” Magnus smiles, feeling lighter than air and happier than ever.

He never would’ve imagined he would find somebody who loves him like this, with carefree abandon and so much obviousness, unashamed to be seen with him, proud of who he is. Camille is nothing more than a fading memory as he sits down with Alec on his couch, eating pancakes drenched in the sweetest syrup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, thank you so much for reading this fic. i don't even know how i could've ever finished this without all of your comments and kudos. i love you all. 
> 
> this is my first ever multi-chapter fic that i actually finished, and my first fic that went above 16k (which i think is my second longest fic length). it taught me so much about writing, my style and how to plot/characterize. my original plan for this fic changed so drastically based on the kind of feedback i got, but it also changed because of my own relationship with this paring. 
> 
> when i first started the fic, i was in a completely different mindset and i characterized magnus as a powerful, dominant man and alec as submissive, a bit confused and not really sure of himself. however, i re-watched shadowhunters and read a lot of meta on tumblr after i started this fic and now i am very firmly in camp confident!Alec and camp sub!Magnus. perhaps this might have become apparent over time, in the way i wrote them in this fic, but given the main plot/content of it, i couldn't explore this fully. 
> 
> but, i will in the future. this is probably the one and only fic i will write with magnus as a dominant character. i hope you enjoyed it, even if my focus and interest has changed. 
> 
> i will definitely keep writing more malec fics, but like i said, they'll be quite different from this one. hopefully, you guys will enjoy those too. thank you so much, once again. 
> 
> PS: there have been a few people who have expressed a wish for this fic to continue beyond them getting together but i very much doubt i will follow up on this AU. sorry! i will however, be writing lots more fluffy and sappy fics in the future, so keep an eye out for those :)


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